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Sure, but it's ironic when feminists, who claim to be against patriarchy, seem to hold those same patriarchal values.
Which feminists do you know who holds patriarchal values such as women should stay home and take care of their husband and children, or not paid equal money for equal work, or that they should not be allowed to hold property or have credit. Name one.
The point to everything is both genders should have the ability to choose the type of life they want.
Whether it goes traditional or something different doesn't matter - having the opportunity does.
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I have no first hand experience, mind you, but among my women friends with young kids that have taken some time of working the first couple of years, their number one complain was that when they do meet other mother's that all that they want to talk about is the kids. They lack intellectual stimulation in the adult interactions with other parents of young kids.
Across the board they can't wait to get back to work, at least part time, as well.
Yeah, kids seem to dominate conversations when most of your time is spent with kids. It's not something I struggled with, and I tended to avoid play dates and mommy meetups in part for this very reason. I don't care for small talk and casual conversation that revolves around all things kids/parenting. And while I've engaged in my fair share of mom groups over the last 13 years, I've also been just as determined to pursue other interests and mediums outside the realm of parenting. I've found meetup groups were a good way to socialize outside the context of parenting. Or even parenting communities with sub-group unrelated to parenting, which is where I've met some of my favorite people.
SAHM's can be vulnerable should the relationship go south.As a practical matter, I've always emphasized to my 3 kids but especially my daughters that they need to have FU resources available. A few bucks to get out of a situation and the ability to earn their own way on really short notice. This means working, keeping current on trends and with networks if taking a break, and having a workable plan should it be needed.
I cringe at the notion of them staying in a bad situation because they fear they can't afford otherwise. I'd obviously help in the short term, but they'd need to support themselves within a few months.
Somebody needs to stay at home with them while one or both parents work.
With me, it was my grandparents.
With my grandchildren, it will be their grandparents.
Commercial childcare sucks.
Many people have no choice, but the lack of options doesn't make it suck less.
Depends on the grandparents, depends on the daycare. The first daycare we used turned out to be lousy, inspite of being a highly-rated, family operated in-home daycare. I had to pull my kids out in the middle summer, and bribe my way into an expensive day camp with a long waiting list. I already have a deposit down for next summer.
Now they are in a commercial daycare, but only for before-school care, and it is awesome. The place is professional, well-run, and my kids love it so much that they beg me to put them in after-school care, too (which I will be doing in the winter, when Mr. Mathlete's afternoon schedule is erratic).
Most if our friends had their parents watch their kids during the day, but even if ours were able to, I wouldn't rely on them or my chronicly unemployed sister-in-law for regular daycare.
Last edited by Ginge McFantaPants; 10-26-2017 at 11:06 AM..
Reason: Needed paragraphs
That's not exactly true--there have been men on this very board who insinuate that SAHMs are lazy bon-bon eating freeloaders benefiting from their husbands' hard work and contributing nothing, yadda yadda... Women can definitely be critical, but many have a better understanding of the work involved and the issues at stake.
This in my opinion is a chicken or egg situation, because the SAHMs I've encountered have much contempt for working moms. Many SAHMs (and many sexist men) believe that working moms are selfish, greedy, and their priorities are out of order.
I think stereotypes cause this sort of broad brushstroke approach about different groups of people. I've even heard people condemn single moms, working or not, because their children are all doomed for illiteracy, failure, prison, drug abuse, etc.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 36,962,945 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by homina12
SAHM's can be vulnerable should the relationship go south.As a practical matter, I've always emphasized to my 3 kids but especially my daughters that they need to have FU resources available. A few bucks to get out of a situation and the ability to earn their own way on really short notice. This means working, keeping current on trends and with networks if taking a break, and having a workable plan should it be needed.
I cringe at the notion of them staying in a bad situation because they fear they can't afford otherwise. I'd obviously help in the short term, but they'd need to support themselves within a few months.
Absolutely critical. Being completely, blindly, dependent on someone else is never wise. Just as someone shouldn't go on a date without being able to get themselves home (the old have $20 for a cab, etc), someone shouldn't get themselves in a relationship they can't get out of it if goes south (or god forbid, a partner passes away... not to be able to care for oneself).
Absolutely critical. Being completely, blindly, dependent on someone else is never wise. Just as someone shouldn't go on a date without being able to get themselves home (the old have $20 for a cab, etc), someone shouldn't get themselves in a relationship they can't get out of it if goes south (or god forbid, a partner passes away... not to be able to care for oneself).
We are talking about families, not just any relationship. There are other ways around that than putting the kids in daycare. Home businesses, part time work, life insurance, etc. The child's needs are most important.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 36,962,945 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by tamajane
We are talking about families, not just any relationship. There are other ways around that than putting the kids in daycare. Home businesses, part time work, life insurance, etc. The child's needs are most important.
They are important, no doubt, but you're coming from the assumption that daycare is a negative thing, that isn't a good assumption, at all.
They are important, no doubt, but you're coming from the assumption that daycare is a negative thing, that isn't a good assumption, at all.
I personally think children are best off with a parent first, then other loving family members, but not so much strangers. That is my opinion based on a lot of life experience.
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