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Therapy is not for everyone and would not help everyone; it is not magic. But you should by all means try if you have decent insurance or can afford to pay their ridiculous fees.
But if not therapy, don't you have female friends you can talk you? Some other role models, perhaps in a church or other religious organization...
Obviously you have issues but seems that now you have a chance to try to rise above them since this guy appears to want to see you for more than just a booty call.
Be brave and give it a shot?
Can I add that I talked to my kids once when they were almost adults and let them know I recognize that parents can affect a kids outlook on life but...once they are aware of that, it's time to stop putting the onus on them and time to do what they need to do to control their own lives.
"I" won't hold myself responsible for them forever once they become aware.
Obviously you have issues but seems that now you have a chance to try to rise above them since this guy appears to want to see you for more than just a booty call.
Be brave and give it a shot?
I'll give you an example::
I met a guy, sweet, handsome, gentle, overall perfect. He showed interest. I convinced myself that someone like him could never TRULY be interested in someone like me. When he asked to see me again, I was convinced he was only looking for sex, when he asked he to stay for breakfast I drove away. I just can't stop running!!!
I saw him recently, late night after he'd been at the bar, (I've turned down lunch dates before when I was sure he was only offering to see me in daylight out of curtesy and has since stopped asking), we had sex and he fell asleep. I left.
The next day he asked me why I did that but the truth is that it seemed to me like the right thing to do- I didn't want to bother him. Does that make sense to anyone???
You see, you left because "it seemed to you like the right thing to do - you didn't want to bother him."
You panicked sort of, I understand, but you could leave him a lovely note with an excuse (you need to work on something early in the morning, or be somewhere...), but you had a great time and would love to see him again.
Then go from there and see if he would contact you again.
You had a good time, this guy seemed to be interested to see you, you liked him - so why did you end it in such rude way?
You know you’re attractive. You think he likes you. You refuse lunch dates. You go home with him only when he’s been drinking. Were you also a little drunk?
Here’s the deal: you’re a grown woman and don’t mind having sex. You probably enjoy it. He does too. What’s the problem here? You’re big enough to figure out what he wants after a few times together. If you think he’s shallow, move on. If he wants to spend time with you, continue. Are you trying some bizarre test on him?
You don’t have to be a mess. Try communicating. Express affection and see where it goes. Baby steps. You can be in control of the process. Only give a little at a time. Pay attention to the results.
You seem to be aware of the issue: you don't feel good enough. But there may be a lot of fear underneth this. If so, deal with that first. It may also be the case that your insecurity about yourself is a cover-up for much deeper feelings and experiences.
You two do not have a future together. You both have immature views on dating and relationships, combined with identifying a possible pattern and refusing to be held accountable, using alcohol as an excuse for poor choices and focused on the outside instead of looking within.
Yeah, that's why I think a professional counselor would be most beneficial to you.
There are a LOT of things to unpack here, and the threads can really get out of hand because it sometimes feels like standing on a street corner and just getting comments on your personal life from anyone who walks by.
Quote:
Originally Posted by CSD610
So now that you are allegedly an adult who can in theory make your own choices it is *your parents* fault?
Seek therapy soon.
Case in point.
Yes, OP. Talk to someone who is trained to counsel on emotional issues.
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