Would you want a "house husband?" (wives, women, love)
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Someone I know just broke off a relationship with a guy that works very part time and just takes care of the house and her dog. She has a pretty intense and high earning job. There are no kids involved in this and they were living together in her house.
Guy is upset as he said he just wanted to be a "house husband" and she knew of his lack of ambition to do much else. He did not fully pay his way as he had not the means to do so. He did clean, cook and buy flowers, etc. He said "women have men support them. I am just a guy who is comfortable with the woman as a breadwinner."
Woman in the relationship has stated "NO ONE wants a guy who just hangs around the house, cooks and keeps stuff dusted and says thinks that is contributing. We don't have kids, and he did take care of my dog when I was away. He doesn't pull his weight and I am out busting my butt."
I thought this was interesting. I see her frustration but he has a point. If women can be housewives and are often offended if anyone diminishes that contribution, why can't men do that too if they want? Is this woman correct in saying that "no one" wants a house husband? Would you feel differently about this if there were kids in the picture (and the guy stayed home to take care of them) vs no kids?
You really should do a search before starting a thread. This subject has been beaten way beyond death. We have one of these threads every month or so it seems like.
The woman is wrong that no one wants this. Couples can agree on such things.
I would be fine with a house husband, under certain circumstances. Those being:
1. I make enough that we can live the lifestyle we want to live and are financially secure.
2. He does all of the housework, and does a decent job of it.
3. He is mentally healthy as a house husband. Not everyone can be. Some get seriously depressed, or unstable, from feeling they have no "purpose" in life, even if they're not really ambitious people. For some, it erodes their self esteem. I think I'd be more comfortable with the situation if he were pursuing outside interests and activities like an active hobby (art, photography, etc) or volunteering. In other words...if your life feels unfulfilling, because you aren't doing ~something~ with it...then do something with it. And many people need social time outside of the home to be fully happy and healthy, so that can be a factor as well.
For us? No way. I’m the one who makes sense from a temperament, education, and goals standpoint to be home. I nurse the babies and wrangle the toddlers and teach the big kids and clean and cook all the things. He is a great help when he is home, but he is an engineer who would shrivel up and die without his work. He loves it to death.
One of us has to work for pay and I prefer to be the one working at home - that lines up with how I want to do life. So while I do believe some women might be good with a house husband or stay at home dad, I purposely searched for someone who wanted to work toward same roles and lifestyle as me, so we would be compatible in this.
For us? No way. I’m the one who makes sense from a temperament, education, and goals standpoint to be home. I nurse the babies and wrangle the toddlers and teach the big kids and clean and cook all the things. He is a great help when he is home, but he is an engineer who would shrivel up and die without his work. He loves it to death.
One of us has to work for pay and I prefer to be the one working at home - that lines up with how I want to do life. So while I do believe some women might be good with a house husband or stay at home dad, I purposely searched for someone who wanted to work toward same roles and lifestyle as me, so we would be compatible in this.
Found him
Glad to see it's a good fit. Really at the end of the day each couple needs to decide how they wanna deal with this issue.
For many people one income isn't an option. It's nice to hear that you guys are able to make it work. I think having family take care and look after kids is the best way to go. If that means for some a house husband and if it makes sense for them, then so be it.
It can be advantageous for someone in a hard-core career, to have person at home who tends to other matters, like cleaning house, taking clothes to the cleaners, cooking and preparing meals, paying bills and handling other business matters. If I had a high-paying career, I'd enjoy the luxury of having a house husband.
If women can be housewives and are often offended if anyone diminishes that contribution, why can't men do that too if they want? Is this woman correct in saying that "no one" wants a house husband? Would you feel differently about this if there were kids in the picture (and the guy stayed home to take care of them) vs no kids?
Yes, she's wrong in saying "no one" wants a house husband. But he cannot be one unless he is with a partner who wants one and is willing to work to support him. Lots of women would not be, but then again, lots of men would not be either. Personally, I would not have been willing to be the single income earner supporting a stay at home spouse, and absolutely not if we didn't have kids. On the flip side, I didn't really want to be a stay at home wife/mom either.
In my ideal world, I could be a part time employee and have more time at home but not 100%. In the real world, I'm a single parent and the sole support of my child and myself, so of course I work. I have to admit that on days he's off from school, and I get to leave him with a (fairly brief) list of chores, it's pretty nice that someone else has gotten them done while I'm at work. But not nice enough that I'd want an adult at home all day long - although both adults working part time and then getting to enjoy more time off together? Now that could work for me!
Yes, she's wrong in saying "no one" wants a house husband. But he cannot be one unless he is with a partner who wants one and is willing to work to support him. Lots of women would not be, but then again, lots of men would not be either. Personally, I would not have been willing to be the single income earner supporting a stay at home spouse, and absolutely not if we didn't have kids. On the flip side, I didn't really want to be a stay at home wife/mom either.
In my ideal world, I could be a part time employee and have more time at home but not 100%. In the real world, I'm a single parent and the sole support of my child and myself, so of course I work. I have to admit that on days he's off from school, and I get to leave him with a (fairly brief) list of chores, it's pretty nice that someone else has gotten them done while I'm at work. But not nice enough that I'd want an adult at home all day long - although both adults working part time and then getting to enjoy more time off together? Now that could work for me!
The part time gig sounds like it would be good. I'm just not sure of how many actual good decent paying jobs want someone part time. I mean they might be out there but I'm sorta struggling to think of some. Maybe nursing IDK, seems like most gigs are the typical M-F 9 to 5 deal. I could be wrong of course, just sayin.
M'eh, I'm a house husband and have been for 12 of the past 14 years. My wife only works 3 days a week thanks to a good career, we spend the rest of the time traveling/together.
In that time I've remodeled 4 different houses, I do 100% of the vehicle maintenance, all the cooking, cleaning, grocery shopping, etc... Heck, I took up sewing so I could make her bespoke clothing, am building raised garden beds in the near future so I can get a veggie garden going, I even make cheese, bacon, brew beer/cider/wine, and generally try to provide all her favorite things at home since we live in the boonies and it's a long drive to go anywhere/difficult to get anything.
It works for us. She will Always make 5 times the money I can thanks to her higher education, I derive more joy in life from fiddling about and dabbling in a bunch of different things (oh, I do stained glass, small wood working stuff, teach kids shooting, fix and flip motorcycles, have a few other things that come and go), we don't need the money and despite trying, it's pretty much impossible for me to find a job on the same schedule as hers so we still have all the free time we're used to. It's a good life for us, Both of us.
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