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Old 03-18-2008, 01:09 PM
 
65 posts, read 234,553 times
Reputation: 73

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I need some perspective from men in particular here, especially if you are married. My husband has been collecting Playboy since he was 18, he's 50 now. When we married I was PO-ed that this thing arrived in my mailbox every month so he could paw over a bunch of naked women. I don't mind naked women - in art or in general, but I think the poses the women make in Playboy speak for themselves - here I am boyz- free meat!! Anyway, we had a few fights about this whole thing and he said if it bothered me that much he wouldn't get it anymore. Lies. I find a whole stack of recent issues a few months later. This back and forth has been going on for years. Today I found a whole bunch hidden in the garage and I got PO-ed all over again. I'm trying to be liberal here, but I can' help feeling that he needs these fixes. We have a daughter, and it sort of disgusts me that be views women in this way. How would he feel if she appeared in Playboy? He also watches a lot of pornography. When we married he had a massive collection. It's dwindled thanks to my distaste, but it's still around the house, even if he thinks he's hidden it. This upsets me greatly, to the point where I can't get it out of my mind when we are intimate with each other. I am both angry and disgusted. Is this normal for him? Normal for me to feel like this?
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Old 03-18-2008, 01:13 PM
 
1,949 posts, read 3,542,942 times
Reputation: 2743
I know a lot of people feel differently about this. But, I don't see such a big deal about porn. For me, if my husband was using as a substitute for being with me or only used porn to get off, then I would have issues. Porn can be exciting, and a turn on - for both sexes.

Getting uptight about it won't make him change, likely he will just try to hide it more.
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Old 03-18-2008, 01:16 PM
 
Location: Texas
2,320 posts, read 6,041,844 times
Reputation: 1565
To me it is normal for you to feel that way.. What is not normal is the fact that he had these issues when you met him and felt you could change him.. that is not normal. I always say this.. if you dont like the person you are dealing with for what they are .. then you should know you can not change them.. Drop em. Dont deal with it. Because I dont care what anyone says. You can not change anyone, on the other side of the coin... if a person can not accept you as you are (to include all vices) they are not worth being with. You knew his situation when you met him.. you had a choice 1. deal with it.. 2. dont deal with it.

Your choice was to try and change him.. and guess what .. you didnt.. so now you have to try and cope with choice number 1.
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Old 03-18-2008, 01:17 PM
 
Location: Long Island
444 posts, read 908,940 times
Reputation: 172
I don't see a big issue with porn as long it does not take over his/her whole life. The more you bug him about the more he will do it just to spite and hide and you will get even more po'ed. As long as he keeps it out of your kids view and does not do it in front of you because you don't like it no big deal.
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Old 03-18-2008, 01:18 PM
 
65 posts, read 234,553 times
Reputation: 73
So I should suck it up and pretend it doesn't hurt or offend me?
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Old 03-18-2008, 01:26 PM
 
Location: Long Island
444 posts, read 908,940 times
Reputation: 172
You may have to just suck it up. You have been married for how many years? As someone else had said you knew he was like this before you got married. People rarely change. Someone has to really want to change for themselves if it is going to happen. I knew my bf looked at porn before we moved in together. At first it did get me a little pissed off but he is going to do it no matter what. I let him know I didn't like it so he keeps it out of my sight and basically what I don't know won't hurt me. I know it is kind of a rash thing to say but it is the only way I could deal with it. it could be a lot worse going to strip clubs at all hours of the night and coming home drunk. I hope I helped at least a little.
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Old 03-18-2008, 01:39 PM
 
Location: When will Hell Freeze Phoenix, AZ
285 posts, read 738,671 times
Reputation: 197
When I was younger I got my teenage brother a subscription to a men's mag. Personally I think the American society enjoys violence far too much. Nudity is natural. You obviously want to stay married to your husband. If you are bothered by these, and he won't stop collecting them, then maybe you two can designate a place that is all his and only his to store these at so you won't accidently stumble upon them.
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Old 03-18-2008, 01:40 PM
 
65 posts, read 234,553 times
Reputation: 73
You did help Cindy. I appreciate the input. I suppose all I can do is make it clear I don't like it and why I don't like it. I didn't go into the marriage trying to change him. I guess I didn't realize how it would tryly bug me once we were married. I do think less of him for his viewing of porn - but he knows that and he doesn't care - his fix of **** and ass is more important to him, so whatever, I guess...
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Old 03-18-2008, 01:49 PM
 
65 posts, read 234,553 times
Reputation: 73
Quote:
Originally Posted by once-upon-chicago View Post
When I was younger I got my teenage brother a subscription to a men's mag. Personally I think the American society enjoys violence far too much. Nudity is natural. You obviously want to stay married to your husband. If you are bothered by these, and he won't stop collecting them, then maybe you two can designate a place that is all his and only his to store these at so you won't accidently stumble upon them.
I agree with you on the violence thing. I don't have a problem with nudity. I find it laughable when folks complain about a flash of a breast from a breast-feeding mother, or a nude in an art gallery. But pornography is very different animal than "nudity." And Playboy is not just a bunch of naked woman standing around either. They are posed like pieces of meat. How many woman buy Playboy for it's artful pictures? Come on... It's all about sex sex sex.
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Old 03-18-2008, 01:49 PM
 
1,949 posts, read 3,542,942 times
Reputation: 2743
That is just such a long time to hold such resentment. I think Playboy is pretty tame.

Is he a good husband otherwise? Does he make you feel loved and attractive?

Is he a good father and role model to your daughter?

You seem to just focus on the porn as something SO BAD, as opposed to focusing on the good things he brings to your relationship.

Have you tried looking at the porn with him? That way it is not him sneaking looks at T&A, but something erotic you can do as a couple?
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