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In the end it's the things you didn't do that you regret the most. Go for it April! Meet as friends and see what chemistry you feel and what develops from there.
Yes, because if we're both attracted, then it's NOT platonic, no matter how it's being labeled.
I always thought that the platonic/romantic distinction was based on your actions, not your feelings. In which case, you can have "feelings" for each other until the cows come home. But as long as you don't do things like kissing or more, and don't verbally agree that you're boyfriend and girlfriend, it's platonic. Consider colleagues or long-time friends who like each other but abstain from getting romantic, because the risks are greater than the rewards. There may be latent feelings on their part, but the nature of their relationship is undoubtedly platonic.
I'm sure it is different for each situation... and for different people.
For me personally, every LTR came out of a friendship. No regrets. With the exception of my first, every former GF of mine started out as a friend and we managed to remain friends when the relationship ended amicably. Sometimes, there is a "cooling" off period when we kept things at a distance but given we keep the same circle of friends/acquaintances we are bound to cross paths.
I will admit though... We were not the same afterwards (not bad.. not good.. just different) given our histories. We just simply worked passed it and managed to simply leave the past the past... good memories we both share. Yeh.. there will always be lingering feelings which is natural... I sure as hell would be there for them in a time of need... I always hope the best for them (I tell them that) and they find happiness even it is elsewhere.
One thing is for sure... I could never be intimate with any of them even if its just a FWB type... way too close to the heart. Someone is bound to get hurt.
At least for me, strong friendships have outlasted and endured my relationships.... Given a similar situation as described by the OP, I'd probably go for it with confidence that if it works out great.. if not... we can still rebuild from were we left off... and live life with no regrets.
T
It seems people's comments here are somewhat 50/50, advising that we shouldn't start dating each other in case it doesn't work out and that it's possible it could jeopardize the friendship, while others are saying that there would be no harm for me to try dating him to see where it can lead. I like the comments from some of you that said some of the best, loving and caring relationships resulted from the couples being friends first.
Right now, our plan to meet is still in the talking stages and nothing has been set up as of yet.
This is totally true and there's reasons for that. I would go even go as far as saying that's probably the situations with the highest success rate.
Location: In the cold, dark wasteland of eternity...
926 posts, read 673,709 times
Reputation: 1525
Quote:
Originally Posted by MillennialUrbanist
I always thought that the platonic/romantic distinction was based on your actions, not your feelings. In which case, you can have "feelings" for each other until the cows come home. But as long as you don't do things like kissing or more, and don't verbally agree that you're boyfriend and girlfriend, it's platonic. Consider colleagues or long-time friends who like each other but abstain from getting romantic, because the risks are greater than the rewards. There may be latent feelings on their part, but the nature of their relationship is undoubtedly platonic.
See, that's what I always thought about that dynamic too. If him and I never meet up, never go out on a date together and keep things the way they currently are - even though we both confessed to each other that we're curious about what it would be like - I feel that the nature of our friendship is still platonically-based. But, OTOH, I also think that romantic feelings can affect a friendship (even if those feelings are never acted upon or manifested into physical reality) and sort of change its dynamic a little bit. Geez, sometimes I feel a little confused about this stuff...
Quote:
Originally Posted by usayit
I'm sure it is different for each situation... and for different people.
For me personally, every LTR came out of a friendship. No regrets. With the exception of my first, every former GF of mine started out as a friend and we managed to remain friends when the relationship ended amicably. Sometimes, there is a "cooling" off period when we kept things at a distance but given we keep the same circle of friends/acquaintances we are bound to cross paths.
I will admit though... We were not the same afterwards (not bad.. not good.. just different) given our histories. We just simply worked passed it and managed to simply leave the past the past... good memories we both share. Yeh.. there will always be lingering feelings which is natural... I sure as hell would be there for them in a time of need... I always hope the best for them (I tell them that) and they find happiness even it is elsewhere.
One thing is for sure... I could never be intimate with any of them even if its just a FWB type... way too close to the heart. Someone is bound to get hurt.
At least for me, strong friendships have outlasted and endured my relationships.... Given a similar situation as described by the OP, I'd probably go for it with confidence that if it works out great.. if not... we can still rebuild from were we left off... and live life with no regrets.
Best of luck...
Thanks for wishing me luck and for your encouraging words, USA It's cool that you said EVERY relationship you've ever had started off as a friendship first! That's really encouraging, especially how you still stayed friends with them even after the relationship ended.
Location: In the cold, dark wasteland of eternity...
926 posts, read 673,709 times
Reputation: 1525
Quote:
Originally Posted by Miz Ree
In the end it's the things you didn't do that you regret the most. Go for it April! Meet as friends and see what chemistry you feel and what develops from there.
Thanks Miz Ree! I think that's exactly what I'm going to do! And whatever is meant to be, will be.
Quote:
Originally Posted by wanderlust76
This is totally true and there's reasons for that. I would go even go as far as saying that's probably the situations with the highest success rate.
That really does make sense, because when two people are friends, they already know what the other person is like, what their habits are, how their personality is, what their life goals are, etc. That's an advantage over meeting a complete stranger and having to build all that from there while dating.
See, that's what I always thought about that dynamic too. If him and I never meet up, never go out on a date together and keep things the way they currently are - even though we both confessed to each other that we're curious about what it would be like - I feel that the nature of our friendship is still platonically-based. But, OTOH, I also think that romantic feelings can affect a friendship (even if those feelings are never acted upon or manifested into physical reality) and sort of change its dynamic a little bit. Geez, sometimes I feel a little confused about this stuff...
You've never met face-to-face? That's a whole different animal. I was referring to friendships where the two people hang out together regularly, meet for lunch and what-have-you, and even have occasional disagreements. They just don't do anything that constitutes sexual contact, like kissing on the lips, let alone more. (Hugs are fine; they're, in fact, the norm in most guy/girl friendships.)
Still, the premise still stands. If haven't done anything non-platonic, then you're platonic.
I always thought that the platonic/romantic distinction was based on your actions, not your feelings. In which case, you can have "feelings" for each other until the cows come home. But as long as you don't do things like kissing or more, and don't verbally agree that you're boyfriend and girlfriend, it's platonic. Consider colleagues or long-time friends who like each other but abstain from getting romantic, because the risks are greater than the rewards. There may be latent feelings on their part, but the nature of their relationship is undoubtedly platonic.
This can be true.
However, even if you do not verbally agree that you are boyfriend and girlfriend, your platonic opposite sex friend can very well, in their mind, consider the 2 of you as boyfriend/girlfriend when the 2 of you spend time together hanging out.
To an opposite sex person like this, time spent together is a date. Even when you consider your friendship with her as platonic, and you are not romantically interested nor romantically attracted to her.
This happened between my husband and a former female friend of his.
However, even if you do not verbally agree that you are boyfriend and girlfriend, your platonic opposite sex friend can very well, in their mind, consider the 2 of you as boyfriend/girlfriend when the 2 of you spend time together hanging out.
To an opposite sex person like this, time spent together is a date. Even when you consider your friendship with her as platonic, and you are not romantically interested nor romantically attracted to her.
That's an understandable concern. But I put the onus on both parties. Anyone over college age should have learned to read interpersonal situations. Namely, if they're being kept around as an orbiter (usually men, but not always), or if they're being used for sex (usually women, but not always). If it already happened, you know the old saying: "fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me".
Even so, this is one of the few situations in today's world where honesty really is the best policy. No matter what you're looking for, be honest about it, own it, and accept any fallout that comes from it. I speak from experience: two women showed romantic interest in me this year, and you (collective) already know how I feel about LTR's . So I told them. One stopped talking to me; the other I became good friends with.
I have an awesome guyfriend that I've known for over 2 years...he knows everything that happened with my most recent ex...and he's been very respectful, kind and supportive of me during this horrific (but thankfully short) time of that relationship. He has just revealed to me tonight that if he ever had the chance, he would like to date me and see where that leads.
Since I've moved on from my last relationship emotionally and physically and have moved into my own apartment this summer, we've naturally grown closer to each other during this time. He has been sharing with me about his dating woes with women who seem to be a good match but then either flake out or ghost on him. We have been in constant communication via phone convos and text during the entire time I've known him. We're planning on meeting up over the holidays to just hang out and have fun without any expectations of anything.
Just wondering if anyone else here has ever taken this leap with a platonic friend (if it has been revealed that you BOTH felt attracted to each other in a romantic way) and if it ever led to anything more - and if it didn't, if you both just remained friends with each other OR if it ruined your friendship to the point that you both ended the friendship altogether.
While talking on the phone tonight, we both agreed that we don't want to ruin the awesome friendship that we have with each other...but at the same time, we want to try and date each other to see what will come of it.
What would any of you do if you were me?!
Stay friends......
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It's cool that you said EVERY relationship you've ever had started off as a friendship first! That's really encouraging, especially how you still stayed friends with them even after the relationship ended.
