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Yes, exactly! I thought you got your nickname of "Dancing Queen" from that famous Abba song. Hence my previous comment. LOL you were probably thinking why I mentioned a random band like Abba.
Yeah, I didn't make the connection. Even if there never was an Abba and they never made a song about dancing, I would still be the Dancing Queen!
Proof is, as a teen and young man I was very good-looking (tall, went to the gym, suntanned, regular features) , maybe a little underdressed but still tried to follow fashion(it was the seventies after all, "everything was allowed"), and I had absolutely no success with girls (as chance would have it, still less with the good-looking ones I was craving for). It's true I was not an overachiever, I was just about the average middle-class kid, but I had as much personality -and better looks-as other peers that I saw surrounded with females (espacially those with guitar in hand-remember, "the 70's"...)
I have to say that my husband is extremely good looking and a little bit shy. When I saw him the first time I thought there was no chance. Don't get me wrong, I am not an unattractive woman by anyones standards, and never had a problem dating, But when a man or woman is that good looking it can be a little intimidating. The first time I saw him we were in a large group situation and he was the outsider that nobody knew. All the women were talking about him and wanting to know who he was but not one of them went up and spoke to him. I don't know about anyone else there that night but I remember thinking, what is wrong with him. I asked about him and found out that he was single, a really nice guy and had a really good career.Once again my first thought was that something really big must be wrong with him to have his looks and all that going for him and he still be single. We have discussed the whole single thing since getting married and he rarely dated because he is a little shy and really likes the woman to make the first move. He told me that he would go out with friends and women would go up to them and not him, I have seen his friends, and they are not better looking than he is, and not as nice or funny. I just think that it doesn't alway make things easier to be that good looking.
I won't be kidding I have never had a relationship only one night stands. So I can't answer your question but from my experience attractive women are easy if you play your cards right.
Do attractive people have difficult times getting relationships?
I think that in attractive people get more opportunity to have encounters of all sorts, be they for platonic friendships, romantic ones or sexual flings. And I think that ALL of us find getting into a good quality long term relationship not an easy process. Getting into a good relationship takes effort and work. There are just no shortcuts, and luck really has nothing to do with it. It's work to meet new people and to screen them. Then there's the scary part about revealing our true selves and to learn to trust this new special person in our lives.
So I think that attractive people like the O.P. may be under some misconception that being attractive, finding love should actually be an easy process for them since in general they find that people flock to them for their friendship and good times. They are used to having plenty of acquaintances without working for it. But the fact of the matter is, getting into a good relationship is hard work for all of us. And we all meet some dud people along the way.
Like I told you. I've never had a relationship, been in one, or jumped around to many different relationships.
Like I told you before, I have not had the chance to prove myself...you did not notice or bother to read that.
Nothing in my message screams narcissism. I am not narcissistic. I am extremely sensitive to others. Extremely understanding. I am sensitive to social cues. I value people for who they are. I have over weight friends. I have black friends. I have short friends. I have indian friends. It doesn't matter what they look like, I value people for who they are and how nice they are to me. I don't see any awful traits about myself that would make others really despise me and run the other way. I maintain myself very well socially, psychologically, and physicall, and if somebody criticizes me and then runs the other way, that is their weakness not mine. In this situation you are probably putting your own bad traits onto me, you need to look in the mirror and learn to make respectful feedback to others, so that their feelings don't get damaged.
I do not call 20 times a day - that would be psycho. I've never even known a person that would do that.
I do not consider myself superior to all ; however, I know I have an outgoing and friendly persona and a cute look.
You don't know me. So do not degrade who I am. Your comments are off mark.
I don't know if you're going to believe this or not, but I think that the problem is stemming from your own perception of yourself, like you've talked yourself into believing that relationships or lack there of are due to your looks. My advice is to start thinking of yourself as the good person that you are, looks, and personality to boot and that people like-minded people are attracted to that. I hope that you don't think that I'm too goofy, but I recommend the ORIGINAL "The Secret" movie, if that's not too far-out for you. Each of us is truly at the root of our own problem. When we look in the mirror, that's the person that we can control, not others. YouTube has the original "The Secret" online; in 10 parts. It is life-changing. Here is the link to Part 1 of 10. YouTube - The Secret 1/10
When I was young, the wonderful guys were afraid to ask me out, and the jerks, well simply put, they approached me and feeling somewhat lonely, I consented to date them.
I had a similar situation, but with differences. I was a nerd in high school---bad skin, big glasses, no fashion sense and no guys liked me. My skin cleared up, I got contacts and people ask me for fashion tips now. But it seems now that still no attractive men like me. The only ones who come my way are the nerds, bums, thugs and creeps. The same inarticulate, baggy clothes-wearing clowns who made fun of me in school are now the ones going "Shawty, can I holla at you?" and other mess like that.
When I was younger and still trying to develop confidence, I was happy to get attention from any men. I dated a creepy, psychotic nerd because I didn't think I could do any better. I finally gained self-respect and broke up with him before it got serious (and with his whacked-out ways, he was trying to get serious faster than I wanted, so ditching him was smart).
I still don't get attention from quality men (the men on the street corner and men old enough to be my dad are the only ones paying me attention), but now I have the confidence to not settle for less. I have nothing in common with a street corner thug. The only thing they're attracted to are my looks, and lord forbid if anything happened to disfigure my appearance because those fools would run. If a nice, smart and great guy came my way that didn't have perfect model looks but who respected me beyond my looks, then I'd be grateful for that. That's what I want in a relationship.
It's like this episode of Maury I saw. A former model was on the show, and her face was hideously disfigured in a horrible accident (they rubbed alcohol on her skin before a photo shoot, and she forgot and lit a cigarette which made her catch on fire). This woman lost her then boyfriend when she lost her looks, but her kindness and confidence in herself shown through and she did find someone who loved her regardless.
Beauty's only skin deep, but ugly lasts forever and kindness is to the bone.
Ah. So you're one of the "beautiful people," huh? So you spend your evenings at Chez Wonderful, sipping martinis and saying truly witty things to the other beautiful people. And yet your difficulties with dysfunctional relationships is more because you're so extraordinary splendid, right? A paragon of the human form, even. Plus you're artsy, which means you aspire to an aesthetic ideal far beyond the mere hoi polloi. What is the problem with the world that they don't recognize you for who you are? Don't they understand whom they're dealing with?
Ooooookay. Let me bring you down to earth. A recurring relationship problem isn't the fault of everybody else. It's not due to the shallowness of society. It's not due to people's unreasonable expectations. Sure, this might prove the case in one or two major relationship bust-ups. However, if you have recurring issues with the love interests in your life, chances are pretty darned good that it's your fault. Maybe it's because you're narcissistic. Maybe it's because your flighty. Maybe it's because you call them up twenty times a day. I don't know. But if you're really having problems in this department take a good look in the mirror...and by that I don't mean to check out if your hair looks okay.
C'mon, my Alabamian friend, ease up on the guy. However, I will agree that, as I was reading through this, the bolded items went through my mind. When you have 2 people that have the need to look for the best deal possible (nah, not good enough, next) or "pollenate" everything they can because of their appearance, then that's a big problem in the making.
He also proclaimed he is one of the "beautiful people," which was kind of an eye opener, but for a chuckle. What I read is that "water seeks its own level." There is NO problem with the latter....of seeking your equal, as long as it's realistic. And as long as, beyond appearance, it includes interests, values and personalities that complement each other's.
I have this recurring script: go to a function, social or religious, intended for singles. I look around the room. I am instantly turned off by racy or cheap looks (please folks, cram it, you've taken your potshots on other threads). I see a nice reasonably conservative looking lady (and check for a wedding band, though there shouldn't be one). I then see that she is feminine, height weight proportionate, and carries herself nicely. I then find out that we have similar educational and child-free statuses (again, you've taken your hits on this one elsewhere). She seems to enjoy talking to me. I hate to ask for a date or about the "next time" in person, so I do some "checking" since it is almost certain we know some of the same people. What I come to find out is that these women are unavailable....to anyone... And the thing that goes through my head (* shaking my head *) is "Is this one of the 1 in 7 brigade that all of the talk shows refer to?" So, rather than date just to date, I shrug and think "well, I have a lot of friends and I enjoy doing stuff by myself as well."
I don't know about the OP (appearance, expectations, etc.) in detail. This is cyberspace. However, I wonder if the expectations are ridiculous. There is nothing wrong with what I have termed the "Starbucks or B&N cafe test" where the couples you see coming in look like....well...they sort of belong together. I think there has been enough pyschological research pointing to equal matching more so than dissimilar matching. I have a lot of education but I am also very realistic in that there people in higher socioeconomic strata that I can't access....I'm ok with it. Similarly, and here's where I'll get criticized, there are people who I feel could have done more with their lives and I don't want them to bring me down. Most of my friends are solidly middle class, hard-working, intelligent yet unpretentious people. And I feel blessed to have them as friends. There is no need to aim "higher." I tend to feel the same way about dating.
BTW, cpg, thanks for the hoi polloi term....I googled it...I learned something new today. Its origins are Greek, as you may well know.
Sidebar: artsy, I can appreciate that you are irked by the assumptions people make. The reality is that we don't have enough information. This sub-forum has a nasty habit that, if people post a quandary and it is in the slighest bit exclusionary, they are all over you like a cheap suit.
Last edited by robertpolyglot; 04-02-2008 at 12:59 PM..
There is no need to aim "higher." I tend to feel the same way about dating.
I think that what you are saying is that you surround yourself with other people that are like yourself. I agree with that method. However I disagree with the sentiment about not "aiming higher". I don't feel that not being gorgeous or one of the "beautiful people" is being in a class that is lower than they are. In my experience, the "beautiful people" tend to be very conceited and shallow, with their intellectual qualities underdeveloped.
I don't ever pick my companions having a priority on them being highly attractive. Having good hygiene is all I need in that department. All I care about is what is going on inside of them. If when we interact, we have a good chemistry and we make each other feel good about ourselves, if they aren't a toxic personality, then it's all good.
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Yes, they do, especially straight men
Proof is, as a teen and young man I was very good-looking (tall, went to the gym, suntanned, regular features) , maybe a little underdressed but still tried to follow fashion(it was the seventies after all, "everything was allowed"), and I had absolutely no success with girls (as chance would have it, still less with the good-looking ones I was craving for). It's true I was not an overachiever, I was just about the average middle-class kid, but I had as much personality -and better looks-as other peers that I saw surrounded with females (espacially those with guitar in hand-remember, "the 70's"...)
