Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Quick update: She just messaged me 4 days after breakup. She basically messaged me a random joke on facebook and we had a short fun conversation for like 20 minutes before she responded with: "your given minutes for today ran out, good night". What is this all about lol? Is she just playing with me, trying to get her ego fed or do you think she actually still cares and started regreting her decision dumping me 4 days ago?
Quick update: She just messaged me 4 days after breakup. She basically messaged me a random joke on facebook and we had a short fun conversation for like 20 minutes before she responded with: "your given minutes for today ran out, good night". What is this all about lol? Is she just playing with me, trying to get her ego fed or do you think she actually still cares and started regreting her decision dumping me 4 days ago?
Wow you stopped contacting her for four days? See? You played that the right way. You gave her a chance to think, miss you a bit, and she probably was like "whoa, wait, what is this? he's not blowing me up? I wonder what he's up to" and you reattracted her back to you. Good job.
Next stop is to stop chit-chatting and setup a date with her. But don't be all clingy and mopey and emo. Be confident.
I find it is always about perspective. So brace yourself this will be long.
Step 1: Your break up, whether you got dumped (seems like most of us here) or you did the dumping- there is inevitably a reason for it. Doesn't mean it's a good one. Most reasons in life are never good. Just look at war. Even if you do not know the reason why they dumped you- you must understand there is one.
Step 2: Now that you know that, discard it. I mean it. The reason doesn't matter because either they never tell you, they tell you a lie, or they think they're telling the truth and years later realize it was an excuse. The reason never matters. Find your own.
Step 3: Now, cry. Cry or whatever. Feel emotion. Feel it and embrace it.
Step 4: Reach out. Reach out to anyone. I never talk to my sisters, step-dad, friends or mother but in my own weakness I reached out to them and they helped. I reached out to people I never would have ever, and I reached out to people who weren't even in my life anymore. Each one gave me perspective. Each one helped even when all they said was "Life sucks man". Each time I reached out I gained knowledge about myself, life, relationships and who the other person was. Knowing that, I could go onto step 5.
step 5: Take credibility of yourself and her. Make a list of what you did wrong and make a list of what she did wrong. Then make another list of what you miss and don't miss. Then make a 3rd list of what he/she wasn't doing for you. Just what they weren't doing for you. Any list will do, as long as you are taking credibility for yourself and them.
step 6: Cry some more. Your lists are done and you have new perspective. In this time, give yourself a few days if you haven't already, as it really depends on how long you have been hurt too much to follow any of the steps but cry. Because time will make you understand things even if your pain is still present like mine is now.
step 7: Realize and understand what and who they were. No lists here (at least they aren't needed). Think back to who they truly are. Love is blind they say and true enough, a month later I understand who she was and why it never would have worked. They left you (presumably here), they gave up on you and were not willing to try. My ex was immature and had the emotional intelligence of a data from star trek. Things were clearly wrong from day one, and though I won't list every example, let me say that above all else, was was manipulative and liked games. But remember people, despite the fun times too, it becomes clear who they really were and by now, you should understand that we have all had fun with people we don't even like.
Step 8: Keep yourself busy and keep yourself away. Maintain no contact, no matter how hard because while you are having a struggle with your emotions, and reaching out while they do not reply or act cold and mean is them saying they are not struggling. If they were having a difficult time as well, they would reply and get back together (assuming there is some work room). Because the truth is, you care and you are trying to get them back. So you already know first hand that if people care, they try. Do not waste time on something that isn't yours. Get busy now. Get another job, go to the gym, get some perspective. Do things you never would have done, or things you always wanted to. Hang out with friends or begin a journal. Do something though, otherwise you can never continue.
step 9: work on yourself. Be alone or be out. Physically or emotionally, you must grow so that this will never affect you so deeply again. Learn to live for yourself and be selfish. Don't throw away the future because of one thing. You will find love. But you will never find love if you are still in love with him/her. You will only be stuck, like your always looking in the rear view mirror at a car behind you instead of on the road and the cars in front of you.
step 10: Use logic and critical thinking. Understand that relationships end, because everything ends. You are not the only one here, no matter how discomforting it may seem. Understand you are not that special. Hell, you may be but not to them & that's the point. No one is so special they never get hurt. Understand that while you may have had your problems and want nothing more than to focus on the hypothetical that if you had changed x, y wouldn't have happened. Not true. Remember that. Nobody wants to focus on the what ifs in a realistic manner. What if you did x? Sure, maybe Y wouldn't have happened. But maybe Y just happens 2 months later. or z happens. Or ****, you leave them. Or they die. Or they move. Hypotheticals are not meant only for the good. In fact, hypotheticals are nothing but irrational circles. They do no good. Understand that things were always going to end because they left you or you left them (obvious here on why that would be an'end').
step 11: Use science and philosophy. Read about the science of falling in love, and what happens to the brain. It is an addiction and like an addiction, there is withdrawal. Humans are social creatures and suffer when alone. Use science to give you perspective on what is happening to you and what happened to them. It will give you insight on the fleeting irrational of love and heart break. Now, use philosophy. I choose nihilism and objective reasoning. Life is short, people die- you may die tomorrow. People in your life might die. Nothing matters. You are alone, and only you can make your life meaningful as life holds no cards in the game. It may be lonesome, and I don't suggest embracing such thinking as a way of life- otherwise you will make the same mistake I did and become depressed. Just find perspective from some objective thinking.
step 12: Go back over each step after a few days and see which steps you needed to follow and which you didn't. I haven't gone before step 7 in 2 weeks. I've gone over most of the steps multiple times in my life.
Step 13:
Finally, live. Live your life. It's not easy but it shouldn't have to be hard. Each day gets better and each day brings you closer to happiness and a comfortable way of life. Maintain NC, even when you think you need to say something. Trust me, you don't. It won;t help you and it won't make them come back. Just shows weakness to them. best way is to enjoy life. That's how you get back at them. Get back at yourself. Punish your self for ever taking life for granted. Live it. Every day, live your life and soon, though we can never know how long, someone new will come into your life and you will be even happier because you are a better you.
That's not necessarily true. She could be playing him. Op the best way to play this is don't call her. Let her call you. Show her you can be less needy. Play it cool, calm, collected. What she can't have at her beck and call will maybe make her want it more. Make her the come to you.
That's not necessarily true. She could be playing him. Op the best way to play this is don't call her. Let her call you. Show her you can be less needy. Play it cool, calm, collected. What she can't have at her beck and call will maybe make her want it more. Make her the come to you.
Lol, seriously?
At this point, it's just both of them playing games. Once she dumped me, that would have been the end of it.
Quick update: She just messaged me 4 days after breakup. She basically messaged me a random joke on facebook and we had a short fun conversation for like 20 minutes before she responded with: "your given minutes for today ran out, good night". What is this all about lol? Is she just playing with me, trying to get her ego fed or do you think she actually still cares and started regreting her decision dumping me 4 days ago?
What it means is, you managed to behave for 4 days, leaving her alone. That took the power out of her hands.
Normally I wouldn't think this, but signing off with your "given minutes being used up," and actually signing off, was meant to pique your interest, and intrigue you.
Mean she wants you back? Not likely. Sorry, just not likely, no matter how much you wish it.
Mean she's playing a game of her own? Yep.
You stayed away for 4 days. Despite that she's the dumper and you the dump-ee, simply getting over a relationship that ended abruptly is not easy for either party. She's still getting used to the new reality same as you -- and by behaving for 4 days, leaving her alone, you showed you were learning to handle it, perhaps in her mind to handle it better than she.
So talk, laugh, joke around pleasantly to show you what you're missing, and then seize the "power" (it's not really power, it's foolish people doing foolish things) by controlling the moment.
Be nice, be sociable, be a pleasant guy -- but DON'T start wishing or wondering. No more "what-if" nonsense.
The moment you start feeling like you need to show someone what you're worth, the relationship has already gone sour. If you have to prove you're worth having, they can't see it, no matter what they say. Otherwise (and I'll bet you've heard this one before) there wouldn't be a million-billion-kajillion rejections that went like this:
Ohhh, you're wonderful, But I'm sorry -- I just don't see you THAT way. Someday, some fantastic woman is gonna come along And she's going to scoop you right up And she'll be the luckiest girl in the whole world Because she's got a wonderful guy like you But no, not me -- sorry. We can still be friends, though.
Even if you never got that one, you know plenty of guys who did, don't you?
Learn from it. People generally say not what they mean, but what they want us to hear. Those who will shoot straight with you either have nothing to lose or gain, OR they're your best friends and you need to listen to them.
Quick update: She just messaged me 4 days after breakup. She basically messaged me a random joke on facebook and we had a short fun conversation for like 20 minutes before she responded with: "your given minutes for today ran out, good night". What is this all about lol? Is she just playing with me, trying to get her ego fed or do you think she actually still cares and started regreting her decision dumping me 4 days ago?
Hmm, it could be she's missing you and testing you now, to see how you'll react. That was kind of an immature thing to say, but is that just her sense of humor? Maybe she just wants to keep interaction light and playful with the hopes that you two could be friends.
I'm 24 and she's 20. We were together for 6 months.
Six months isn't that long. If you were clingy and she is only 20 she is still looking for an experience and to enjoy stuff. You smothered her. Chances are she will move on and eventually so will you.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
