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The standard thought is that bullies are insecure, but recent studies have shown just what the OP is saying - that bullies actually are happier and have more self-esteem than the average kid.
That’s interesting, I’ve always thought that bullies have high self esteem and feel very confident. Sometimes I do think they can be very insecure, atleast the ones I’ve dealt with. There were a few chicks who were somewhat racist with me, made fun of my skin color, my body because I developed way before they did and all kinds of crazy things while they weren’t exactly the best looking bunch themselves. Some of them looked like Dora the explorer who happened to be much shorter than me and rounder while at that time I was very skinny. Some of them were pretty but they look like crap now. They used to be the most popular girls in school but they all look defeated now. One of them her teeth are all yellow and her skin looks bad, probably from all of the drugs she took and years of tanning while the others also look twice their age. While it really sucked for me to go through that hell back then, I feel great now and can’t help but laugh when I think back now on how I was treated. They made fun of me so bad and worse but how sweet and funny it is that they all look like crap, while I feel like I look better with Age.
I think in private would be better, not for your benefit, but for the young lady's.
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I wouldn't speak of your behavior unless the other person brings it up. Let her set the agenda for how you two relate to each other now. I know this probably leaves you feeling unsettled, but maybe you can chalk that up to karma.
Why do you think you deserve a *private moment*? Did you keep your bullying private?
Why is it okay for you to humiliate her in public but you refuse to humiliate yourself in public/in front of your family?
You don't really show sincere remorse for your actions in the past simply because you want your family to continue to believe you are such a good person, you do not want to be embarrassed, you do not want your family to be ashamed of you yet you have/had no problem being a bully.
I generally agree with this sentiment, but understand that at 19 the OP might not have the emotional maturity to have dealt with this without warning. Sounds like this situation is an opportunity for her to learn and grow.
So to the OP, I would suggest that you sit down with both her and your brother to ask for forgiveness. You blatantly lied to him when he asked if you knew each other from grade school, so he deserves an apology as well, but she deserves more than that--you need to acknowledge your bad behavior from years ago, don't make any excuses, and ask her to please forgive you. And don't be upset if she is hesitant or needs some time. Nobody, including you at this point, knows how scarred she still is from those experiences.
You just need to clear the air - with both of them.
You're all right. I have no idea how it must have hurt her at the time nor how she's feeling right now. It wasn't easy when I first learned my brother was dating her. I was practicing my introduction in advance the day before the first reunion. I couldn't really sleep very well the day before.
My first thought was to make my greeting seem as if I was meeting her for the first time (the same way two strangers greet each other) and go on from there; to start all over. In the beginning, it seemed like she didn't remember me but I was wrong since she winked at me on the last family reunion.
She's going to be stopping by again on Thanksgiving Day. I'm to do everything possible to create an opportunity.
As for gift, yes that would be a good idea too. I was thinking of a lotion and a chocolate box.
I wouldn't speak of your behavior unless the other person brings it up. Let her set the agenda for how you two relate to each other now. I know this probably leaves you feeling unsettled, but maybe you can chalk that up to karma.
She remembers me. I can't continue to pretend that we never met before.
Yet it is still all about *you, you, you* instead of how you made another person's life miserable.
Simply because *you* did not want to be embarrassed in front of your family instead of admitting you
are/were a bully.
You might see it that it's all about me but the way to explain is that for a long while I've been trying to walk away from the mean girl I was back then and be the person my family is proud of.
I would like to share this very awkward moment of my life. I'm a 19 year-old college girl and my brother is 23 yrs old. He's been dating his gf for 2 months now and they get along fine. His gf has already been introduced more than twice. However, there is one problem. Not sure if to call it a problem or not.
I've known his gf several years back in school. I have to admit my friends and I weren't quite friendly to her from 4th to 6th grade. Do you think she can still be hurt 7 years later?
We greeted each other after all these years and she seemed ok with talking to me. I forgot about her till my bf mentioned her name. Is there a point where the subject will come up? Today for example we were sitting on the table (all of us) and suddenly the my brother mentioned that it's a coincidence she went to my same grade school and never met. She said it was a coincidence and then winked at me with a smile.
Just don't bring it up if it is negative. That was eeons ago when you were a child.,Time to move on. Live for today. Be sweet and appreciative of her being chosen as your brothers girlfriend. Keep being supportive. You are showing her you are a grown up now.
She may be your Sister in law someday
She remembers me. I can't continue to pretend that we never met before.
Actually, you can pretend you never met, or at least that you never bullied this person. Your discomfort doesn't matter here. You did something you feel bad about and you'd prefer to feel better about it. Go work with an anti-bullying program then. By all means apologize if and when the person you hurt gives you that opportunity, but it's hers to give, and not yours to take.
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