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I would start out with a bit of a joke, like "I'm glad you got to know my brother and realize that not everyone in our bloodline is evil" or something to that effect. Then take a slightly more somber tone and say "but seriously, I know I was rotten to you when we were kids and I have no excuse for it and I'm sorry." Don't get in to the dirty details, just acknowledge what you did in a general sense and make no excuses for it. After that it's up to her really.
I commend you on how much you have grown. I think a heart felt apology is the right way to go, and I know you will do a good job.
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I would like to share this very awkward moment of my life. I'm a 19 year-old college girl and my brother is 23 yrs old. He's been dating his gf for 2 months now and they get along fine. His gf has already been introduced more than twice. However, there is one problem. Not sure if to call it a problem or not.
I've known his gf several years back in school. I have to admit my friends and I weren't quite friendly to her from 4th to 6th grade. Do you think she can still be hurt 7 years later?
.
Why don't you just apologize to her? Is it really that hard?
Hopefully I can have a private moment with her at some point. I wasn't able to catch her alone.
Good to hears things worked out with your friend.
Yourgermanicanish
Since you're wondering how it was, I'll explain it. Part of the reason I didn't explain it in details is because I'm been trying to move on from that past; it's too embarrassing and I was the main instigator most of the times. When I forgot about her during that gap, it worked.
As to what it consisted of, I'm going to be listing the following:
- Name callings for sure (she happened to be the new kid starting in 4th grade, had a German accent, was shy and what she wore)
- Teasing goes along with name callings (then no adults were there, saying her name and last name loudly about how she's the most ugliest girl in school or ''get away from the thing'')
- Forming a circle around her, moving around and singing a song about her (one time singing at the bus)
- At times taking turns with my friends opening her bathroom door (none of them had locks) for a second then closing it, then running away laughing
- Honey placed on her hair
- Mud throwing
- Occasionally bumping into her on purpose and dropping her books, then running away laughing
- Placing a bunch of printed papers about old-fashioned clothes on her backpack
- In 6th grade, her nickname was ''The Thing''
Man I thought it was just some random teasing. This is pretty crappy...
I had good social skills as a kid. This makes it easier for someone to gain friends at a very early age.
The downfall to this is you start taking advantage of it by being mean to those that lack those skills and at that moment it feels like a power trip. This is the only explanation I can think about because I wasn't lacking self-esteem nor ever felt insecured. Actually my self-esteem at the time was more elevated than usual.
Basically I was a plain, rotten kid to her for no good reason. There is never a reason anyways. I'm looking forward to becoming a better person each day.
That's a good self-introspection and probably is very accurate. I was one of the kids in school that was picked on, probably by some other kids who were more like you with good social skills. I was very awkward as a child, still am as an adult but have learned how to blend in and adapt to social situations.
Honestly, I think it would have been interesting to date the brother of one of the girls who used to pick on me. I wouldn't hold anything against them, but I agree with the majority on here that it would be nice for a apology of course with just you two and not anyone else. I think that would be most appropriate.
While I definitely do not recommend bullying for anyone and think it should be stopped, it turned out to be a positive thing with me overall; it helped define my character and make me a stronger person. It didn't have a long-term negative influence in my life as I made friends in high school and more in college and turned out to have a successful career. So I wouldn't mind meeting my former bullies at all, and would probably act much the same way as your brother's girlfriend is doing. Hope you guys eventually sort out the past and then catch up on things--you may find out you two like each other as friends now, who knows?
Why do you think you deserve a *private moment*? Did you keep your bullying private?
Why is it okay for you to humiliate her in public but you refuse to humiliate yourself in public/in front of your family?
You don't really show sincere remorse for your actions in the past simply because you want your family to continue to believe you are such a good person, you do not want to be embarrassed, you do not want your family to be ashamed of you yet you have/had no problem being a bully.
Exactly this ^. As someone who was bullied extensively from grade school through high school plus traumatized by abuse in its many forms as a child, apologies mean a lot. The sign of a mature and “good” person is not to skulk around pretending to be when you were a mean bully in the past. Maybe coming clean may be embarrassing but you are not considering how embarrassed she was. I was humiliated and wanted to crawl unto a cupboard. I also considered suicide. Please apologize ASAP.
Her next visit will be on Thanksgiving Day. I'll speak with her on that day.
I don't like fb too much and only logged in once or twice a month.
clikrf8,
Sorry to hear you had to go through that. You didn't deserve that. No one does. Yes, I'll speak with her on this upcoming Thursday (Thanksgiving Day). She'll be stopping by.
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