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so explain to me why my 33 year old manager, who is incredibly chill (literally one of the nicest guys I've ever met), they have all the money in the world - why does his wife constantly pick fights over nothing??
I bring up this example because I am very similar to that. I consider myself the ultimate diplomat in terms of my interpersonal relationships. I don't ever get into conflicts over anything - I try to find a way to resolve everything where all parties are happy with the outcome
Ask their wives why the husband is *so miserable*, a different light just might be shed on
*literally the nicest guy you have ever met*.
There are three sides to every story, his, hers and the truth.
SHE cares. Since you don't, how hard is it to concede? Everything is a balance. CERTAINLY a man can lose his wife's respect by being Mr. Nice Guy. But he will lose her love quickly if he ALWAYS has to "win".
I'd much rather be respected than loved.
Quote:
Originally Posted by ToIsenguard
but outside of dating, my life is picture perfect. I work 50 hours a week, I go to the gym 6 times a week, I make so much money to where I can buy, eat, drink anything, go wherever I want, do whatever I want in my free time with zero concern for budgeting. I have great hobbies, family and friends
but what terrifies me is that I have this idea of marrying a woman and having kids improving my life and it sounds like it's a huge decline for a lot of men. I mean am I wrong about this?
I've been very sympathetic toward you so far, but at this point, . In today's world, marriage is not a winning proposition for most men. It can be, but it takes a lot of effort to make it winning, not to mention being on guard against tests at all times. While you said you didn't want to be alone, the way you describe it, you have more to lose than to gain from marriage. Occam's Razor says stay single.
so what about all the men who tell me their wives were awesome before marriage and they had sex 5 times a week and now they fight constantly and the sex has evaporated to nothing
how the hell do you prepare for that?
Because something changed in their relationship, and they weren't paying attention. Marriage is not just something that happens on your wedding day and that you never have to think about again. A bad relationship is not something that you trip and fall into accidentally. Marriage is a choice that you make, every single day.
I like your style in general. I am super chill and conflict avoidant (if that's even a word) like how you are. I would love a wife like yourself
I am not the slightest bit conflict avoidant. Not the slightest. i just conflict calmly and intelligently. I am not going to let anyone walk on my very important matters. I did not start like this, DH and I grew together like this. My guess from your postings is if you found a "wife like me", you'd be divorced in a year.
I've had three. Count 'em: three! Two short term, one long-term. The short-term ones were all right; the long-term one, not so much. And I know why. I failed several tests early on, like by acting too submissive when she got on my case over taking a certain route. When my intention was to avoid a chronically gridlocked intersection. I went the way she told me to, because it was easier than arguing. One incident like that led to another, then another. When instead, I should have put my foot down from the get-go. Live and learn.
And dirty dishes? Who cares! Milk brand? It all comes from the same cows!
So, it is *her fault* you do not make your own decisions, live like a slob and believe all milk comes from the same 6 cows on the planet?
I’ve known guys who constantly have a roaming eye and complain about their marriage but then when you see them with their wives they seem perfectly happy. I think it’s like the guy who is married and has a woman on the side who keeps telling her he is not happy and ready to get a divorce. He keeps the woman on the side strung along with his BS and when push comes to shove he is never going to leave the wife. I think some guys just love to complain. (Poor me)
my life doesn't really have any downs right now, except for how much I hate dating and how little success I've had with it
but outside of dating, my life is picture perfect. I work 50 hours a week, I go to the gym 6 times a week, I make so much money to where I can buy, eat, drink anything, go wherever I want, do whatever I want in my free time with zero concern for budgeting. I have great hobbies, family and friends
but what terrifies me is that I have this idea of marrying a woman and having kids improving my life and it sounds like it's a huge decline for a lot of men. I mean am I wrong about this?
I am not the slightest bit conflict avoidant. Not the slightest. i just conflict calmly and intelligently. I am not going to let anyone walk on my very important matters. I did not start like this, DH and I grew together like this. My guess from your postings is if you found a "wife like me", you'd be divorced in a year.
I don't know if conflict avoidant is the right word. Maybe more of an excellent negotiator/diplomat? I can almost always find a solution to any concern where everybody is happy with the outcome in terms of my interpersonal relationships
In terms of "let anybody walk on my very important matters", can you explain what you're talking about?
I've been very sympathetic toward you so far, but at this point, . In today's world, marriage is not a winning proposition for most men. It can be, but it takes a lot of effort to make it winning, not to mention being on guard against tests at all times. While you said you didn't want to be alone, the way you describe it, you have more to lose than to gain from marriage. Occam's Razor says stay single.
so what the hell do I do? Just be single forever? Is that any kind of life?
Do I get a prenup if I do get married? My net worth should be around 800K by the time I am mid 30s so the risk of divorce devastating me is huge
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. In today's world, marriage is not a winning proposition for most men. It can be, but it takes a lot of effort to make it winning, not to mention being on guard against tests at all times. While you said you didn't want to be alone, the way you describe it, you have more to lose than to gain from marriage. Occam's Razor says stay single.
