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and don't let office employees in any way influence you.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruth4Truth
It could be that these guys made poor choices. This doesn't reflect on YOUR ability to choose a good partner. But I'll tell you from my own observations, there seems to be an office culture, in some offices, where people generally poke fun at, or complain about, their spouses, and that's how co-workers bond. I worked in an office once where the women would share silly stories about their spouses, minor complaints. I didn't understand it either, OP. But these were not divorce-worthy issues, only complaints about individual quirks, or minor shortcomings. I haven't run into this phenom in any office where I've worked since then, so IDK; it may be reflective of a certain working-class niche, or something.
I would take it all with a grain of salt. I certainly didn't let it sour me on marriage altogether; that seems like kind of an extreme reaction. I'm sure if you think about it, you know happily-married men and women.
so what about all the men who tell me their wives were awesome before marriage and they had sex 5 times a week and now they fight constantly and the sex has evaporated to nothing
how the hell do you prepare for that?
Why are you assuming this is a universal experience, and requires preparation for? It sounds like those guys didn't find a good match (let me guess: they went for women who were "hot"? lol), and/or were immature in their conflict-management skills.
I work at a place that's 80% married men between 33-50 and I swear they're all miserable in their marriage and constantly ***** about their wives and how terrible the wives are.
Why is this? is marriage really that difficult??
Some of it is so mind boggling too. One of the guys is a 33 year old, decent looking, super super chill great guy where him and his wife combined make 200K a year and have zero debt. What the hell is there to complain about?? Yet he tells me the wife is always bitching about every little thing. This is terrifying to me - I want to get married and have kids in next 15 years but my idea of marriage is marrying my best friend where we get along great and improve each other's life. My quality of life right now is tremendous...if that's what I'm looking forward to, I might as well never get married or have kids.
They most likely aren't really compatible most couples that do well seem to like a lot of the same things.
For example a man that likes to travel marrying a woman that doesn't like to travel is a really bad idea.
the 33 year old guy I am talking about is a 6'3 250 LB italian lifter very manly dude making 150K a year. He is Chad Thundercock
One of my best friends - a 5'11 195 lb insanely ripped insanely strong good looking all American white guy who is a multi millionaire - also in a terrible marriage. They never have sex and there is zero romance
I barely know anybody who has a happy marriage
Ohhh-kayyyy, I think we've ID-ed the problem here. Your friends sound like they're pretty superficial, all tied up with looks and being buff, so they probably chose women by the same superficial criteria. Pretty much a no-brainer, OP. Honestly, you and your friends don't sound very mature.
What's the point of marriage if you're not going to be loyal? I want to have a marriage where we are both crazy about each other 20 years down the line
Before you worry about marriage and loyalty, work on getting a date, first. And from there, concern yourself with getting multiple dates with a woman you're compatible with, if you find one. First things first.
It could be that these guys made poor choices. This doesn't reflect on YOUR ability to choose a good partner. But I'll tell you from my own observations, there seems to be an office culture, in some offices, where people generally poke fun at, or complain about, their spouses, and that's how co-workers bond. I worked in an office once where the women would share silly stories about their spouses, minor complaints. I didn't understand it either, OP. But these were not divorce-worthy issues, only complaints about individual quirks, or minor shortcomings. I haven't run into this phenom in any office where I've worked since then, so IDK; it may be reflective of a certain working-class niche, or something.
I would take it all with a grain of salt. I certainly didn't let it sour me on marriage altogether; that seems like kind of an extreme reaction. I'm sure if you think about it, you know happily-married men and women.
Yeah in my office the women are always complaining about their husbands, yet many of them clearly very much love their husbands. Same as they'll complain about their children but obviously love them.
There's confirmation bias at play here. When I was enjoying being single, it seemed like all my married girlfriends were complaining about the unfair division of chores and childcare and they were in marriages with helpless babies for husbands. I congratulated myself for not being in their shoes.
But now that I'm happily married, it seems like all our friends are also happily married. Funny how that works.
my life doesn't really have any downs right now, except for how much I hate dating and how little success I've had with it
but outside of dating, my life is picture perfect. I work 50 hours a week, I go to the gym 6 times a week, I make so much money to where I can buy, eat, drink anything, go wherever I want, do whatever I want in my free time with zero concern for budgeting. I have great hobbies, family and friends
but what terrifies me is that I have this idea of marrying a woman and having kids improving my life and it sounds like it's a huge decline for a lot of men. I mean am I wrong about this?
I read your posts; then I read the first paragraph of this post and was SO not surprised. It isn’t women. It isn’t marriage. It’s you.
I am not the slightest bit conflict avoidant. Not the slightest. i just conflict calmly and intelligently. I am not going to let anyone walk on my very important matters. I did not start like this, DH and I grew together like this. My guess from your postings is if you found a "wife like me", you'd be divorced in a year.
Quote:
Originally Posted by CSD610
So, it is *her fault* you do not make your own decisions, live like a slob and believe all milk comes from the same 6 cows on the planet?
*gigglesnort*
Quote:
Originally Posted by somebodynew
I wonder what the lowest common denominator is here?
For someone who isn't into relationships he sure spends a good deal of time lamenting about them with his very limited experience and dysfunctional background and bitter manboy stories. If you weren't exposed to healthy relationships and know little of what you want and what makes for a compatible long term partnership, then it's no wonder so many "new" and seasoned disgruntled members throw conniptions about evil wimmenz.
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