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A lot of this ends up depending on the people involved. I know that sounds like a cop-out, but it's just a weird, true fact of life. Two people who are wildly disparate can find they work well because they grasp the concept of mutuality surprisingly well. Two people who, on paper, should get along fabulously end up as almost comical archenemies.
"Realistically," yes -- although it's less a question of marrying someone with less education and more marrying someone with little interest in self-improvement in all the areas of life which cause strife in couples.
Assuming the positives for the "educated" and the negatives for the "less educated":
- lack of interesting (i.e., STIMULATING) conversation; this could be due to mutual interests, or it could be that one person likes to explore via conversation, while the otherjust wants to know what's on television, and nothing more
- one person picks up the interest of home improvement, while the other doesn't so much as want to pick up a magazine to peruse ideas
- one person takes an interest in cooking, hoping to improve quality of life on a culinary level; the other nods and agrees, but when it comes time to do the work, balks, begs off, is always tired, would rather order out
In the end, educated or not, it becomes a question of mutual interests and the decision to PURSUE those interests.
The only time I can see education itself really becoming a problem is when one person is genuinely incapable of taking an interest in, learning about, or comprehending a specific area or topic, and that area is a deal-breaker for one party.
That, or the way an old girlfriend was. She had her Masters in Music Therapy, her Bachelors was in Music itself. But she would hold the degree over my head for everything, from where to plant a bush in the yard, to what to feed a dog, or where to go for vacation. Seriously. That's not an education problem, though, it's an arse walking around disguised as a person.
A lot of this ends up depending on the people involved. I know that sounds like a cop-out, but it's just a weird, true fact of life. Two people who are wildly disparate can find they work well because they grasp the concept of mutuality surprisingly well. Two people who, on paper, should get along fabulously end up as almost comical archenemies.
"Realistically," yes -- although it's less a question of marrying someone with less education and more marrying someone with little interest in self-improvement in all the areas of life which cause strife in couples.
Assuming the positives for the "educated" and the negatives for the "less educated":
- lack of interesting (i.e., STIMULATING) conversation; this could be due to mutual interests, or it could be that one person likes to explore via conversation, while the otherjust wants to know what's on television, and nothing more
- one person picks up the interest of home improvement, while the other doesn't so much as want to pick up a magazine to peruse ideas
- one person takes an interest in cooking, hoping to improve quality of life on a culinary level; the other nods and agrees, but when it comes time to do the work, balks, begs off, is always tired, would rather order out
In the end, educated or not, it becomes a question of mutual interests and the decision to PURSUE those interests.
The only time I can see education itself really becoming a problem is when one person is genuinely incapable of taking an interest in, learning about, or comprehending a specific area or topic, and that area is a deal-breaker for one party.
That, or the way an old girlfriend was. She had her Masters in Music Therapy, her Bachelors was in Music itself. But she would hold the degree over my head for everything, from where to plant a bush in the yard, to what to feed a dog, or where to go for vacation. Seriously. That's not an education problem, though, it's an arse walking around disguised as a person.
That is so bizarre. How does that even work? Like, "Remember, I have a graduate degree, I know where to plant these these roses! Defer to me!"
That is so bizarre. How does that even work? Like, "Remember, I have a graduate degree, I know where to plant these these roses! Defer to me!"
Actually, the way it worked in every disagreement was:
"WHICH of us has their Master's degree?!?" [insert lofty look here]
Seriously. I am NOT making this up.
It's just a big part of why education isn't the same as intelligence, although I most decidedly do NOT like this modern tendency to denigrate education as being secondary to "street smarts." It's become so ingrained in our madcap culture it's nothing less than pervasive, an absolute meme.
Movies, where an educated person has no knowledge of local culture, and so ends up being proved ridiculous, nothing less than a bumbling idiot incapable of handling the most rudimentary functions are one of the worst, and tend to be even more pronounced if the educated person is a white male. "Here's your diploma, and here's your frontal lobotomy ala chainsaw-brainsaw."
Guys, thinking of academics as "snobs" and of people without degrees as unintelligent is a boring cliche by now.. I asked the question for other reasons than to stir the pot and get people defensive about themselves or condescending towards others..
I genuinely would like to know if the difference in the education level is a potential deal breaker, statistically, based on your own reports, It would be naive to state that love is the only thing that matters in a relationship - we all know that's not enough.
For example, if you are a high school graduate and your spouse has a Bachelor's or Master's degree, they may be interested in topics, shows, books, and activities that are not relevant to you. Is that not a potential problem?
So let's leave idealism aside and let's talk about the reality. Does it work? Is it challenging? In which way can the challenges be overcome?
For me, I need to be able to look up to, respect, and admire, to be in a good relationship. My husband is smart. I do look up to him, respect him, etc. He has a higher degree of education than I do, but honestly, I don't think it's the DEGREE that makes him appealing, or directly makes me happy. And I feel like he and I are on the same plane intellectually...it's just...he went the full 4 years of school, and I went 2.
For me, I need to be able to look up to, respect, and admire, to be in a good relationship. My husband is smart. I do look up to him, respect him, etc. He has a higher degree of education than I do, but honestly, I don't think it's the DEGREE that makes him appealing, or directly makes me happy. And I feel like he and I are on the same plane intellectually...it's just...he went the full 4 years of school, and I went 2.
That, right there. R-E-S-P-E-C-T.
One cannot love what one does not respect, and respect is a two-way street populated by courtesy, open-mindedness, consideration, and a willingness to compromise.
Loads of folks think they possess those. Remarkably few actually do.
I've been in too many conversations which made it to "So what is your degree in?" before the admission I have none resulted in the other person's interest being dropped entirely. Up to then I seemed respectable, so what happened? Was everything I just said invalidated?
As I've aged I've learned not to take it personally. Rather, I take it as a kindness. If mutual interest could be so easily lost, there wasn't going to be much progress toward acquaintanceship or friendship, let alone more.
I think it's less a matter of formal degrees and more a matter of intelligence and curiosity.
Absolutely. My ex-husband and I technically only had high school diplomas. I had gone to college for 1.5 years, but no degree in anything.
But I read voraciously, learned new things constantly, took interest in current events, etc.
He thought books were a waste of time, would join in any whine-fest about the government but had no clue what was really going on, and had no interest in bettering himself. He'd mock my family for being "edumacated."
The attitude toward learning was a rift, not how much we had.
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