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I had a horrible experience with my ex. She used to make fun of me being bi and she used to say stuff like, "I know you will give me some kinda disease because you are bi" and then bust out laughing as if that was funny. It is no secret that MOST women hate bi men with a passion. I already have the odds stacked against me because I don't want children plus I am into women a lot older than me (and I don't want to marry) and the combination of all that stuff makes it harder to find someone.
Should I just tell them on the first date that I am bi? Lol guess I better be prepared to spend the rest of my life alone.
Your ex-girlfriend was a very ignorant person, hopefully the next person you date is not like that.
Here's what I say, though. There's no need to tell her on the first date. If it's something that you think you should not bring up, then you probably shouldn't. You might never even see her again after this date, so there's no need to get into your whole backstory on the first date. I feel like too many people do this, and this is why a lot of first dates don't turn into a second date.
People talk too much on the first date, about things that really don't need to be brought up. Whether it's ''My last girlfriend was a total ***** and she hurt me badly! What a terrible person she is!'' or ''You're my first date in 5 years!'' or ''I have autism'' or ''I'm 30 and I'm a virgin!' or ''Well, I take 5 different types of medication'', etc. It's not something you should have to hide or be ashamed of, at all. It's just really none of her business, at this point in time. In the end, if she has a problem with you being bi, she's a person that I'd want nothing to do with, anyway.
In a dating scenario, when things get serious (ready to get totally intimate), it would be good to let the cat out of the bag so that your partner can make an informed choice to sleep with you. I can see someone not being happy to learn about it after the fact, hence, the comments. Would probably make someone wonder what other little tidbits you have held back.
Although being bi doesn't necessarily mean you are not a 'one person' person in a relationship, but that is the signal sent when stating that you are. Those who don't relate to the lifestyle's first thoughts will be about disease and fidelity, especially if they are female.
As a pre-emptive strike for those that like to assume things: This doesn't mean that men don't think about disease and fidelity, but if a woman wants a solid closed-door relationship that includes children, those things will be at the forefront of her mind.
We all make choices in the type of lifestyle we will enjoy, and bi-sexuality appears to be the free path to travel, when it could turn out, in the long run, to be the most limiting for those seeking relationships.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DeCastro
I had a horrible experience with my ex. She used to make fun of me being bi and she used to say stuff like, "I know you will give me some kinda disease because you are bi" and then bust out laughing as if that was funny. It is no secret that MOST women hate bi men with a passion. I already have the odds stacked against me because I don't want children plus I am into women a lot older than me (and I don't want to marry) and the combination of all that stuff makes it harder to find someone.
Should I just tell them on the first date that I am bi? Lol guess I better be prepared to spend the rest of my life alone.
If you tell a woman you are bi, forget about getting any subsequent dates, ever.
I disagree. It should be before things get serious.
Disclosing your sexual preference should be right up there with "I don't ever plan to marry....and I don't want children, and I don't believe in monogamy.
IMO Well before you get serious enough to be exclusive.
Also OP, aren't there dating sites or social sites that would be ways to meet other bi people. That may be something that you should explore.
I disagree. It should be before things get serious.
Disclosing your sexual preference should be right up there with "I don't ever plan to marry....and I don't want children, and I don't believe in monogamy.
IMO Well before you get serious enough to be exclusive.
Also OP, aren't there dating sites or social sites that would be ways to meet other bi people. That may be something that you should explore.
Why? Is it not possible that a bisexual person can commit to one person, and not be tempted to ever fool around with someone of the opposite sex (of the person they’ve committed to) again?
There’s a lot of bisexual people who commit to a partner and end up marrying, and do not venture out of the relationship, because they have a craving of hooking up with someone of the opposite sex of their partner. Must someone have to worry “oh no! He might cheat on me with a guy!” Any more than a worrying if your heterosexual partner will cheat?
OP, is your intention to enter into a long term monogamous relationship? Or do you want to continue to hook-up with guys while you're dating a woman?
Seems like if a committed relationship is your preference, then there's no need to say anything. If you're looking to continue to see guys while you're in a relationship then I'd suggest date 2 or 3. Just my two bits.
Why? Is it not possible that a bisexual person can commit to one person, and not be tempted to ever fool around with someone of the opposite sex (of the person they’ve committed to) again?
There’s a lot of bisexual people who commit to a partner and end up marrying, and do not venture out of the relationship, because they have a craving of hooking up with someone of the opposite sex of their partner. Must someone have to worry “oh no! He might cheat on me with a guy!” Any more than a worrying if your heterosexual partner will cheat?
Good post.
Anna Paquin is bi and married to a man and has a child. They had some drunk chick trying to break into their hotel room because she figured Paquin would be "up for it" just because she is bi.
I vote for being upfront. If it makes someone uncomfortable, you want to know that right away.
Why? Is it not possible that a bisexual person can commit to one person, and not be tempted to ever fool around with someone of the opposite sex (of the person they’ve committed to) again?
There’s a lot of bisexual people who commit to a partner and end up marrying, and do not venture out of the relationship, because they have a craving of hooking up with someone of the opposite sex of their partner. Must someone have to worry “oh no! He might cheat on me with a guy!” Any more than a worrying if your heterosexual partner will cheat?
^^This. It wouldn't bother me as long as we're on the same page about monogamy; same as with a hetero dude.
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