Do you ever try to "force a relationship" with family or coworkers? (sociopath, guy)

[politically_correct]

If I attend an extended family event with the same people every time year after year and someone makes an effort not to be friendly to me, I think it is my fault and make an effort to force a relationship. I also do the same thing with coworkers who I work closely with but for some reason feel no need to be polite and friendly with me. Is this the right thing to do, no, but I still do it. I find it strange to share something closely with someone but not communicate in a friendly manner. Your thoughts?

[Barkingowl]

If someone doesn't want to communicate with me I leave them alone.

[miu]

Originally Posted by Barkingowl

If someone doesn't want to communicate with me I leave them alone.

Me too. You can't pick your family or co-workers, but you can pick your friends. And it's never bothered me to not be close friends with co-workers. Being cordial is always good, but I just have no pressing need to be best buddies with co-workers or family.

[molochai2580]

I don't bother people who don't want to talk to me. My mother on the other hand does this and tries to force me into a relationship with my step father's family. Drives me absolutely bonkers. I don't have anything in common with them, and don't agree with all the back stabbing and such that they do to eachother, so I don't have any communication with them if I can avoid it.

Forcing someone to have a "relationship" with someone they don't want, build resentment and stress, so that there is no chance of them ever getting to know you and possibly liking you.

[Huckleberry3911948]

"work" is dealing extensively with people that you may not like.
its a true skill. the nature of politeness is that it is insincere (Etienne Decreux 1973).
the appearance of warmth friendliness and intimacy where there is none.
in the extreme it can become sociopathic.
"work" is ignoring other peoples "stuff" and getting on with the task
if you are good at it you can make a lot of money bek there are a lot of people
out there that are not dealing with their stuff & proud of it.

[Twinkle Toes]

If you've already made the effort several times and you continue to get the same result - stop beating your head against the wall. Discontinue your efforts.

[Lindsey_Mcfarren]

I am in the opposite position. I do my best to stay away from them, being around them is like walking through a mine field.

[Dbledeez]

Originally Posted by Twinkle Toes

If you've already made the effort several times and you continue to get the same result - stop beating your head against the wall. Discontinue your efforts.

I'm not sure discontinuation of effort is an option here. I might suggest you reconsider the desired outcome of your efforts. In this situation, after enduring such treatment, and I'm assuming that you have done nothing to warrant such reaction.....after trying to no avail, I enjoy pointing that out....in front of a bunch of people, with the guy present. 'Cause I'm betting if he's that big of a jerk, then other people have issues with him too, and they're just dying for someone to say something about it. That's the only way to take control of this situation, unless you just don't care, which it appears you do. I look at this as an opportunity. You have fact and reason on your side. And it's just so fun, for me at least, to use such tools to confront the person that everybody hates but nobody expresses it. That's reinforcing. I prefer illustrating this behavior with a bit of good ole office humor with a bit of sarcasm.....so people wonder if you're kidding or not. But deep down, the jerk will know. And you just called him out in front of everybody. But be really nice about it. And keep being nice. If everyone does this, in time, he MIGHT alter his work behaviors.

[Twinkle Toes]

Originally Posted by Dbledeez

I'm not sure discontinuation of effort is an option here. I might suggest you reconsider the desired outcome of your efforts. In this situation, after enduring such treatment, and I'm assuming that you have done nothing to warrant such reaction.....after trying to no avail, I enjoy pointing that out....in front of a bunch of people, with the guy present. 'Cause I'm betting if he's that big of a jerk, then other people have issues with him too, and they're just dying for someone to say something about it. That's the only way to take control of this situation, unless you just don't care, which it appears you do. I look at this as an opportunity. You have fact and reason on your side. And it's just so fun, for me at least, to use such tools to confront the person that everybody hates but nobody expresses it. That's reinforcing. I prefer illustrating this behavior with a bit of good ole office humor with a bit of sarcasm.....so people wonder if you're kidding or not. But deep down, the jerk will know. And you just called him out in front of everybody. But be really nice about it. And keep being nice. If everyone does this, in time, he MIGHT alter his work behaviors.

It's unlikely that this person or persons would alter their behavior. I don't think calling someone out in front of a group is a good idea. People have very little respect for people who call others out or humiliate them in front of a group. But if you feel the need to confront this person or persons, it should be done tactfully and in private.

[Wild Style]

Originally Posted by politically_correct

If I attend an extended family event with the same people every time year after year and someone makes an effort not to be friendly to me, I think it is my fault and make an effort to force a relationship. I also do the same thing with coworkers who I work closely with but for some reason feel no need to be polite and friendly with me. Is this the right thing to do, no, but I still do it. I find it strange to share something closely with someone but not communicate in a friendly manner. Your thoughts?

For me, I keep it consistent. If a family member or co worker doesn't foster a friendly relationship with me I will keep it moving. But if they decided one day to be nice then I would be nice to them. But they shouldn't expect me to go out of my way for them for ANY reason after acting like that.