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I dated somebody a couple months ago. He's a great guy. He's educated, he treats me well, we have the same interests, he's good at what he does and he's a very sexy man. So I was surprised when I found that I was bored with him. He's very predictable. Sent me the same texts every day: "Hi, how are you?" I liked them at first but after three weeks, I started getting frustrated. Is this guy ever going to say anything else? I would think. He even acknowledged that we both have a different sense of humor. He would make plans to see me and date me way ahead of time, but he wanted to do the same thing every time. A dinner and a movie. Or a dinner and a show. I suggested going dancing or singing and he said he doesn't do those things. I couldn't do it anymore so I let him go.
I was surprised when he continued to text me. We still text today. We talk about some of our hobbies and interests. Texting isn't as consistent as before but we text about every couple of days. I asked him why does he still talk to me and he said because he likes me. I think he wanted to hook up but I said no. We haven't seen each other since I broke it off months ago. I think if I asked him if he wanted to date again he would.
I don't feel capable of dating anybody right now but if I could, this guy would be it. I asked for someone like him. I got tired of aholes. And it's frustrating when my heart races for an ahole. I want to text the ahole but I force myself not to because I know they're not worth it.
I wish I could actually like this guy. I think he's a great guy but doing the same thing every single time, having the same conversation every day, it felt like hell. I don't know if there's anything I could do to change the way I feel. I'm not going to force it. I like being single right now and don't mind it. I'm just wondering if anybody dated someone they thought were boring at first but ended up changing their mind? What changed your mind for you?
No if he bores you let him go,wait for your soulmate,the one you were meant for - it will be much more riveting and full of electricity,why would you settle for less.
But as you say sometimes they end up being asholes,if you want the really stable guy I suppose you have to weather their dull,predictable personalities.Though I've know men who are very nice and stable but still well read,interesting,entertaining I think you just found a guy with no character.
You know, you might be able to help him change it up a little. Bring out his adventurous side in some way. We all have it. I've often thought women think I'm boring because on a first date I'm so stuck in my head, but once someone takes the time to know me (which nobody does these days) they figure out my depth and variety of interests, intelligence, spontaneous side, etc. I wouldn't give up on him yet. Maybe take the lead and bring up different topics or be flirty in your texts.
Be single until you figure out what you want, and by single I mean "un-committed." Date if you please, hook up if you wish (if that is your thing, and safely of course) but don't get into any serious relationships until you have yourself figured out. That's my opinion and advice.
My taste in men was in a state of suspended animation from ages 18-36 because I was married and unavailable. A certain brand of "pretty/interesting" would grab my eyeballs from time to time, but that interest was mild and fleeting, I was not thinking about what sort of a man I would like to actually date or partner with, because I had what I had and I wasn't looking. So when it ended, I THOUGHT that my taste in men was the same as it was when I was 18, those "pretty/interesting" men I might have a glance at, all along. I could not have been more wrong. And I needed to date around a little and even (just in my case, by all means this isn't everyone's cup of tea and that's cool) hook up with a few different types to figure out, "Oh...THIS...this is what I want in a man."
What catches the eye and what feels like a perfect match for the heart, are not always the same thing.
But what do you mean by boring, that's an important question to ask...
There were a couple of men that I know, that I never could have had strong attachment or big crazy love feelings for, because they were boring to me. Not boring objectively, but to me, and the reason was that they were too similar to me in how their minds worked and how they thought. It might seem like a good thing if your partner always knows just what you're thinking and you get and repeat the same references and finish sentences and all...but it gets old. I wound up feeling like I was holding conversations with my clone, we were too similar. There was no exciting discovery of new ideas going on.
The man I am with now, he never would have caught my eye on the street. I'm eternally grateful that he stepped up and got my attention, because I would not have noticed him in a crowd. On the outside, he is boring. But over time as I got into the layers of who he is...it's like I opened a very plain and unremarkable cabinet and found a portal to Narnia or something. He is anything BUT boring...on the inside. But it took time to get to the good stuff. He doesn't just let people "in" until he feels comfortable with them.
So the question is... Is the guy actually boring, or just superficially boring but possibly interesting in ways you could wait and discover? Are you willing to let the connection evolve and find out? Or are you quite certain you have seen pretty much all there is and it isn't likely you're going to find any passion there? There is no need or obligation to force it, if you aren't feelin' it. Just maybe points to think about.
I married that kind of guy. I married him because I thought life is crazy enough, I want piece and predictability at home.
The marriage failed but it wasn't because he was boring. He was lazy and other dealbreaker stuff, too.
Why not make a list of things you expect from a man and then see how many bullet points he hits?
I did fall out of my chair once because I fell asleep while she was talking...
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