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When I was 26, I dated a 51 year old woman on and off for about two years. She said I was only good for sex and did not want a serious relationship with me because she was holding out for a man her own age (I'm 35, she is 60 and found a man her own age and got married three years ago). I thought her and I had good chemistry and we would have worked out as a couple if she were closer to my own age. I have always been into much older women, but when I get on dating sites I have a hard time getting any interest from them. I still have romantic dreams about this woman and I am pretty damn bitter that someone else was able to have her and I am still single. We had a lot in common but she treated me like dirt to try to push me away because of the age difference. I wish I could just find someone my own age but haven't been able to since being with her.
When I was 26, I dated a 51 year old woman on and off for about two years. She said I was only good for sex and did not want a serious relationship with me because she was holding out for a man her own age (I'm 35, she is 60 and found a man her own age and got married three years ago). I thought her and I had good chemistry and we would have worked out as a couple if she were closer to my own age. I have always been into much older women, but when I get on dating sites I have a hard time getting any interest from them. I still have romantic dreams about this woman and I am pretty damn bitter that someone else was able to have her and I am still single. We had a lot in common but she treated me like dirt to try to push me away because of the age difference. I wish I could just find someone my own age but haven't been able to since being with her.
Dude....older women lust after younger men for the same reason men of all ages lust after women.
They're horny and feel carnally unfulfilled.
Did you really think that the age gap wouldn't preclude a legit "relationship" between the two of you?
People have been using people for sex until the next more attractive or more suitable mate appears for generations. Age is irrelevant.
The issue here is that she wasn't up front about her intentions and left you hurt when you emotionally invested.
Sorry this happened to you.... You get hurt... You then get angry.... Then after a while... You move on. In the meantime, it helps to distract yourself combined with periods of reflection. I wouldn't give up...
Dude....older women lust after younger men for the same reason men of all ages lust after women.
They're horny and feel carnally unfulfilled.
Did you really think that the age gap wouldn't preclude a legit "relationship" between the two of you?
Yeah I mean I thought the age thing would not have mattered but I guess it did. At times, I was treated like I child even though I didn't act immature. I just don't see why she messed with me if she viewed me as a child. That made things odd.
That really sucks. I've heard older women saying that they're afraid younger guys who pursue them might just have some kind of weird fetish for older women and it made them feel objectified. Sounds like that wasn't the problem in your relationship, though.
So many men out there are looking for 18 year olds that older women are kinda suspicious if a young guy comes along and expresses an interest. It's kind of like me being fat, and knowing that so many men hate fat women that if a guy expresses interest, I just assume that he either has a creepy fat fetish or that he's making fun of me somehow.
You gotta understand that by the time a woman reaches a certain age, she's likely already been left by a guy who later ends up with someone much younger. Or they know several women who have already dealt with that. So you can come in with all your sincerity and whatnot, saying you want something longer-term, but they think you're so young you don't know what you're talking about or that your preferences will change, especially as you move into the years where most guys want to have kids. So you've already been sorted into a bucket.
And then there's also the fact that you are going for women much older than yourself. If a woman isn't just looking for sex, she's gonna want a real relationship. That involves compatibility and building a future. In terms of compatibility, well, I feel more comfortable with guys who are a little older than me. I don't think men and women are fundamentally all that different on a biological level, but society DOES expect maturity from women at an older age, and I think that's why we have so many women who gravitate towards older guys. They identify with that. I know I do. I feel so much older than the men I meet who are my age. My life has had some notable rough periods that were perhaps unusual, but I gravitate toward seasoned.
Consider also that women tend to lag men in terms of economic opportunity. An older woman is going to be more interested in protecting her assets and the world she has built for herself. You can only watch so many of your male contemporaries get taken to the cleaners by their trophy wives before you figure out you'd be just as vulnerable and end up in worse shape.
Oh, and another big one - older women tend to have already been put in the caretaker role once or twice in their life with regard to older relatives. They know how ugly old age can get, and how little they realized what they were in for initially. They don't want to invest their emotional capital in a younger person who could flake out because they suddenly get overwhelmed by their partner's health issues.
I've known women who gravitated toward younger men. In particular, one stands out. She was a stereotypical grandmotherly type - looked like she was baking cookies every day and acted like that was her gig. Then one day she showed up at the store where I worked with a rather hot young man who was possibly younger than me on her arm. She casually introduced me to her "partner" and I kinda understood where that big ol' smile that she always wore came from. At the age of 41, I have met a man who is almost 10 years older than me and can keep up with me in bed. Based on what women my age and older have told me about their sex lives, I've struck gold and should hold on to him until he's pried from my cold, dead fingers, lol. So there is that aspect.
I could go on about why you're fighting an uphill battle, but there ARE women who will meet your preferences. But honestly, the culture we live in has stacked the deck against you. In another 50 years, it will likely be different, but right now, the situation is that most women are going to be wary of a young guy who wants to start something serious with them.
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