Debating whether to date a woman that has been divorced twice (marry, husbands)
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In my opinion the 2 divorces are not as concerning as the fact that she's only been divorced a short time. Has she actually had time to learn from that divorce and know how to have a better relationship in the future?
First divorce/marriage can be attributed to a youthful mistake.
Yes it does seem like she is putting herself out there a bit soon. Or maybe it was over long before that and it took some time to finalize. According to her, she has a good relationship with the ex so apparently there is no drama.
It would give an immediate pause for concern over their ability to maintain a marriage for anyone objectively looking for a potential serious relationship, for sure.
Personally, I would be more worried about the family structure you may be attempting to fold in to over her failed marriages. Kids alongside with broken marriages usually are not clean and simple to fold in to unless you are willing to accept everything else that may pose outside issues for your relationship to them.
I can’t answer if she’s is a good person to become entangled with, I do not know her...I don’t know her circumstances or how her family and estranged/former family functions together.
All I can tell you is there is going to be more to manage in such a relationship just by way of their being previous ties that will require their attention. If that is something you’re not prepared for I wouldn’t proceed further.
So, don't write someone off just because of 2 divorces. Get to know her. If you notice some red flags, THEN decide to move on. To rule her out now would be premature, and unwarranted. You never know; you could be denying yourself a chance for a great partnership.
My concern is that we live in a small town. Let's say we go on some dates and we break it off then it could be awkward if we cross paths again. Then again, it's not like I'd be introducing her to family right away or vice versa. I guess it wouldn't hurt to go on a date (or two) and see where it goes.
It might be interesting to know if she's still gung-ho about marriage (in general) or if she's taking a step back, especially since the 2nd divorce was quite recent.
I asked her if she is looking to get remarried or if she has had enough. She said she is not opposed to getting married but also ok with no being married.
So far you are judging based on material and the fact that she's been divorced twice. I would be more concerned that she is freshly divorced and has a 10 year old living at home. You stated the 20 year old is on their own however being a mother is eternal and that is still her flesh and blood, you never know what direction life can take and they may need to move back home.
Yes that is another possible issue as I have not dated a single mom before. Trying to be open minded tho.
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Originally Posted by PetiteGem
Maybe she's the type that can't stay without a man, codependent.
It depends if you have better options or not. I hope you are not too offended if I guess that you probably don't. Although I of course don't know for sure...
But if you have other options, especially if someone is not divorced, then forgot about her. If you don't then be extremely careful. Date her casually for a while, don't meet her kids, don't make any commitments. See if you last at least six month to a year and then go from there...
I signed up for match.com and am in contact with a few ladies (a couple are divorced, a couple were never married/no kids). I guess I should just take things slow with all of them and see where things lead, but try to keep an open mind.
I'm more concerned about the kid at home being 10. That's a deal breaker for me, that young of a child still at home would be more of a concern than the two failed marriages, although that is somewhat of a red flag. I'm a bit older than the OP so I'd probably run across more women that had kids that were a bit older and more self sustaining. I think mid to late 30's is kind of a weird time if you're looking to date a woman without kids or preferring women with older kids.
I did tell her that I have not dated a single mom before. She said her kids are older and it is different than dating a mom with younger kids. She has the kid about 70% of the time and says that she has no trouble finding a babysitter when she needs one.
I’m not sure I see the downside? She’s certainly not looking for you to be a daddy nor does she likely want you to move in. I think this could be a quite good thing for you TBH.
I guess there really isn't much of one as long as we take things slow. Once you to each other's social circle, family, etc....an eventual break up could get messy especially in a small town. That's the only downside I can think of. It definitely could be a good thing tho if things were to work out.
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