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You choose your partners. You don't get to choose your father. Big difference.
There's no reason for you to be offended in any way.
Okay, so if this is how you're gonna play it, how do you know he was already a criminal when she CHOSE to start dating him? Maybe he was completely fine, then did something messed up to find his way into prison.
Why is she automatically a criminal or bad person, because her ex is in prison? I have friends who went to jail, does that make me a criminal for associating with them? Not to mention, I've dated people who do things differently than me (i.e. drink alcohol or smoke weed), am I pothead or a drunk for dating someone that was?
The rationale here is asinine, but I gotta remember where I am right now! Why should I be surprised?
So you'd prefer that she was still married to inmate??? That would be a better life choice?
Maybe divorcing him was the best decision she could have made...
Hopefully he's just rustling jimmies here, because that was a beyond ignorant post. That's already the leading candidate for worst post of the week.
It's the type of post that someone who really lacks real life experience would make.
This is why these threads suck. I'm not blaming the OP so much, as I am the people that love to reply to these threads. Young, single mothers get shamed on this forum, more than almost anyone else. It's really disgusting. They're talked about like they're second class citizens on here. And this woman that the OP is talking of, she's already being treated like a fourth class citizen, who is lucky to not be facing deportation or even extermination. So she should be thankful for that much, and never dare seek out another partner after marrying this terrible criminal. Who we don't even know was a criminal when she met him, nor what he's actually in prison for.
How many of you have had a young, single mother? Especially one that eventually met a decent guy? If they had thought like many of you do, maybe your own mother's would have been damned to an eternity of singledom, as they wouldn't be worthy to have a second chance, after being losers, who birthed two kids and dared get a divorce, possibly from an awful human being. Let's treat them like the second class citizens that they are!
It's the type of post that someone who really lacks real life experience would make.
I get the idea of judging someone based on "the company they keep." After a while, however, posts like this become a meeting of the He-Man Woman Haters Club, and it's so predictable it's ridiculous.
You seriously have to judge each person based on their own circumstances. Not "men." Not "women." Not "single moms." Hell not even all inmates can be judged the same way. We are all products of choices we've made, but sometimes we're affected by choices OTHER people made. It's not always so cut and dried.
I never understood why some people take this so personally. So you have a kid, or divorced, or a crazy ex and someone doesn't want to date you because of it. It happens, just take it in stride and move on. There's always someone else no need to be offended by someone else's choices.
Ok so I have been in contact with this girl on match.com.
She is a divorced single mom with two kids.
Seems like a nice and caring lady. She put herself through school and recently graduated. She is active in her church. She is health conscious and eats right.
The topic of her divorce came up and apparently she has an ex who has ptsd. He was mentally (and maybe even physically) abusive. He would accuse her of cheating on him, using him for money, etc. Now he is in prison...and she said that she feels safer now. I did not probe further and ask why he is in prison but did ask if he showed signs of being a jerk before they were married. She said he became paranoid but she got pregnant and decided to stick it out. Eventually she had enough and could not deal with him anymore.
Now I am thinking - is this a situation I want to get myself into? Nice girl and all (at least as nice as one can be online) but this seems to be a pretty big red flag.
I think the reason why he would be in prison would have a lot to say about how to feel about her and this situation.
Is he in prison cause his PTSD caused him to snap into an act of random violence on a bad day, or was he actually involved in more profitable crime, if that makes sense.
You should find that out, if you want to continue seeing her.
Don't forget that if you get seriously involved with this woman, you will have this guy in your life forever, too. I wouldn't touch this one with a ten foot barge pole.
Don't forget that if you get seriously involved with this woman, you will have this guy in your life forever, too. I wouldn't touch this one with a ten foot barge pole.
Not neccessarily.
They might have nothing to do with the guy after he's out of prison.
This is another constant narrative that I see around here, in regards to single mothers. That when you bring them into your life, you also bring their ex/children's father into your life, and that isn't always the case. Sometimes, he's permanently out of the picture, which I also don't think is necessarily a good thing, either. And then there's the other side of the argument, that if the father is not in the picture, then you become the father of someone else's kid. Honestly, I want the father in the child's life, unless he's a terrible person or wants nothing to do with the child(ren), at all. And if that's the case, I'd definitely be open to taking the role of a father to the child(ren) of the woman that I loved.
If it comes down to an issue of being afraid that the father is going to move in on the ex (your now-girlfriend) and she's eventually gonna go back to him, perhaps you shouldn't be so insecure. In the case of the OP, maybe perhaps due to the father's criminal status (just assuming that it's really bad, for a second), the mother (you would hope) will not allow the father near her or the child, and if he did do something bad enough, the courts are likely to side with the mother and not grant him visitation rights in that matter.
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