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Single life has a ton of perks. There are a lot of positives from it.
Very true! But you did leave out one thing: After a certain age, which varies from region to region, society thinks it's not normal to be single. That's a big thing to take into account. But another thing to take into account is that "society" is a fair-weather friend: it doesn't give a damn about you personally, only about how "normal" you are.
Very true! But you did leave out one thing: After a certain age, which varies from region to region, society thinks it's not normal to be single. That's a big thing to take into account. But another thing to take into account is that "society" is a fair-weather friend: it doesn't give a damn about you personally, only about how "normal" you are.
Society doesn't even care if you fall within normal parameters.
I had no interest in marriage and didn't marry until I was 35. Never heard a peep from society or anyone else
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Very true! But you did leave out one thing: After a certain age, which varies from region to region, society thinks it's not normal to be single. That's a big thing to take into account. But another thing to take into account is that "society" is a fair-weather friend: it doesn't give a damn about you personally, only about how "normal" you are.
I'm not so sure this really is applicable today.. at least in my locale. Marriage is falling out of favor and there are plenty of people enjoying single life at various stages. I think "society's" pressure, like peer pressure, are only noticeable when the group of people actually take notice and act on what they deem as out-of-norm. I think today, people are more and more likely to live and let live...
Not too long ago, It was a big deal to be a divorcee... Slightly farther back, it was a big deal to be interracial marriage. Going even further back, it was not normal to choose to be childless since society generally measured family success against the number of children.
Being single is great if you are a really good looking person with a good job and great social circle. Being single is not so great if you are slightly above average looking, make 48,000 a year and have a small group of friends coupled with anxiety issues So for me being in a long term relationship is much better than those awful first dates where I get asked what I do for a living and get to see the look on my face when they saw the small one bedroom I lived in. When I found a girl that can see past all that surface stuff I settled in for the long haul and haven't looked back.
Being single is great if you are a really good looking person with a good job and great social circle. Being single is not so great if you are slightly above average looking, make 48,000 a year and have a small group of friends coupled with anxiety issues So for me being in a long term relationship is much better than those awful first dates where I get asked what I do for a living and get to see the look on my face when they saw the small one bedroom I lived in. When I found a girl that can see past all that surface stuff I settled in for the long haul and haven't looked back.
This is true. There are many unique circumstances that make our individual experiences different from each other. So simply telling someone "be happy, make more money, take more advantage of being single and sleep with lot of women" is kinda pointless, really.
I would be willing to bet that MOST people fall into the category of not being able to take advantage of being with someone at will because they either dont have certain inherent characteristics or the acquired means (money) which can and do buy "happiness", to an extent. Having a lot of wealth/power does wonders to that thing called confidence.
Because most people assume that a single person is out and about playing the field.
Or, alternately, focusing on their own success without having to invest a bunch of time into a partner and/or family.
That's the thing though...time is probably the ultimate in limited commodities. We only get so much of it, and we never really know how much, only that it's limited and one day we'll have no more time to live and do stuff. So if you are spending time doing one thing, you are NOT spending it doing another thing.
Some people find fulfillment sacrificing their time to the needs of others, such as children. Some do for a while, but get burned out if it starts seeming pretty thankless and might think, "I kind of wish I hadn't gone this path in life...there are so many other things I could have done, could have been..." But we never really get to know for sure, how things could have gone, if our choices had been different.
We all have to make choices, and sleep in the bed we make for ourselves.
I think the main difficulty that had me wishing I were single when I was married, was that I didn't know myself well enough when I met my ex, to know what I needed, so I could not therefore choose someone and set up a lifestyle that would in fact meet my needs. I went along with a lot of things the way he said they had to be, as "the way it is" without realizing...I don't have to. These are not universal laws of how relationships HAVE to operate. If it doesn't work for me, why am I doing this? Again though, that doesn't mean that longterm monogamous relationships are to blame for the troubles I had. I simply needed to find someone compatible and mentally flexible enough to work with me in shaping our dynamic and not demanding whatever default relationship model they believe is right for everyone, and the only "right way" to do things.
MillennialUrbanist, I really just shake my head at your position that what you have seen others do in marriage is the only way it ever works out, and since that's not what you want, then marriage is clearly the problem and the only solution is to avoid it. I mean, obviously, it's your life, and certainly not my place to tell you that you're doing anything wrong for yourself if you are happy with where you're at. I might sit here thinking you kinda threw the baby out with the bathwater, and wondering why you're so concerned about what society thinks is normal or weird, though. I mean, I tell people here about some pretty weird stuff I'm into in life, and I don't feel judged by "society" around me. Lots of folks here like me, I do just fine socially. Better in fact than many "normal" (boring) people I know. So.
I guess the part I go about is the slight flavor of "underdog" mentality I pick up in your tone sometimes. Like you don't want to be bitter about stuff, but you kinda still feel cheated or victimized in life, or you were promised something that turned out to be a lie (from where you stand)... Maybe you transmit a bit of a vibe from your association with Those Who Will Not Be Named. I dunno.
I think the main reason is that those of us in relationships have long forgotten the excitement of getting a new piece of a$$ and we assume that single people are getting a new piece of a$$ every night and we're jealous.
I think being single is more financially precarious than being married. I know tons of single women who wound up in poverty or homeless. One who wound up in a shelter. The demographic hit hardest by home foreclosures has been single women. Having two incomes is much more safe.
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So for me being in a long term relationship is much better than those awful first dates where I get asked what I do for a living and get to see the look on my face when they saw the small one bedroom I lived in. When I found a girl that can see past all that surface stuff I settled in for the long haul and haven't looked back.
about is the slight flavor of "underdog" mentality I pick up in your tone sometimes. Like you don't want to be bitter about stuff, but you kinda still feel cheated or victimized in life, or you were promised something that turned out to be a lie (from where you stand)... Maybe you transmit a bit of a vibe from your association with Those Who Will Not Be Named. I dunno.
