Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
How are you going to know what they say unless you read them?
That's why I specified read and respond.
sup *click* hey gorgeous *click* love ur smile *click*
It looks like we have some of the same interests in music, did you see where [name of band] is coming to town soon? *hmm, let me go check out this profile.....
It doesn't have to be anything elaborate, just something to indicate you want to be talking to ME, not just any random woman.
Obviously online dating favors women, in a huge way. Many use it for attention only, and they get plenty of it. As to whether they can find the perfect male, they THINK they want...thats another story. I think every woman I ever spoke with, loves the movie "Pretty Woman". Ever wonder why?
I only watched that movie once. I couldn't stand it.
I know this 30 year woman who is physically attractive. She is no longer doing the online dating thing. But she told me she found it overwhelming because she got so many messages.
I asked her how many and she said lots but never actually counted. I pressed her for a more precise figure because I am a guy who has been on the other side trying to catch a ladies attention.
So she looked up her old account and sure enough she had 75 messages in her FIRST hour on Plenty of Fish (POF)! Note: This was just from her putting up about 5 photos and a very short profile. She did NOT initiate any messages.
I know POF gets a lot of negative reviews. But she let me look at some of the messages she got. Quite frankly most of the guys who sent her messages looked like nice normal guys. Not a bunch of creeps at all.
So my question is: Is this number of messages typical? Or did her level of attractiveness drive it way above what is normal?
The reason for my question is: the large number of messages she got only confirmed for me why I think online dating is (mostly) a waste of time for guys. I do quite a bit better in person.
Far too many of them are not worth responding to, let alone reading them. I think, for myself personally, I am DONE with OLD.
I made my first profile on yahoo personals back in 1999. Then, I made another on a different site. Forgot about them both till 2008. Boy had things changed. Since then, I haven't used any since 2015.
So, would you read all 75 and respond to those that catch your eye?
Or not read all 75?
If it were me, I'd read every one of them, and if the message makes me roll my eyes, it will get:
- Ignored & deleted, if I'm busy.
- A polite "no thanks but good luck" if I'm in a kind mood.
- A very snarky comeback if I'm just that bored.
What I responded best to, when it came to men on OLD, was when something made them stand out from the others. Sometimes it was a very artistic profile picture that caught the eye. (It didn't matter how hot the guy was, if his profile pic was him holding up his shirt to show off his abs, or a bathroom selfie, or him holding a fish...forget it.) Sometimes it was a message that sounded intelligent, maybe with a bit of humor, and preferably that pointed to some common-ground from my profile, or even complimented one of my pictures in a non-gratuitous way. (Wow, that photo of you in the hallway is really cool, love the lighting on that. For instance.) Show that you've got a brain. And sometimes still, what plucked the strings of my interest was their profile content.
This one guy wrote an endlessly long page of very witty, snarky stuff...it went on and on, it took me over half an hour to read it. Now that might put off most women, but I found myself actually laughing out loud for real, at least several times, and so I was intrigued. I did not wind up dating him, he was too young for me, but I certainly reached out and expressed my appreciation, and we talked a bit. He ended up dating a friend of mine, in a very "small world" turn of events, and I've seen him a few times out with her.
tl;dr point of rambling comment thing: That initial message sent is not the ONLY way to make a first impression. Everything counts. But if you're just a regular average guy, and have no way to stand out, then you might want to try and make that message count for something. And most of them...don't.
If a guy email me "sup", I would email him back "sup"
Once a guy sent me a poorly worded email asking if I was into younger guys, and I responded "I am into guys who can write complete, grammatically sound sentences with proper capitalization and punctuation" or something along those lines.
On the other hand, when a guy took the time to write something thoughtful, I was much more friendly. One guy said that he had never been shot down in a way that made him feel so good about himself. That was my aim, so that made me happy.
__________________ ____________________________________________
My posts as a Mod will always be in red.
Be sure to review Terms of Service: TOS
And check this out: FAQ
Moderator: Relationships Forum / Hawaii Forum / Dogs / Pets / Current Events
Well duh, there is an over-abundance of low-value males that will throw out that proverbial fishing line to see what they can catch. If you're a top-tier male, then OLD is like shooting fish in a barrel.
That's why I don't use them anymore, that's exactly what it is. Low value men spam emailing 1,000 women a day with copy paste messages.
Guys like me only use sites such as EHarmony now and I still look into RL matchmakers such as It's Just Lunch.
Higher tier men that don't really have the time and/or the patience will pay a couple grand to meet quality women. It's nothing to them. They don't need Plenty of Flakes and waste time competing with the 40 year old guys still flashing deuces with their hat turned sideways.
I know of one site that has more women than men. It's been around for ages..I don't use it, it's not one of the gold digger ones such as Seeking Arrangement but it's not one of the more common sites that people discuss either. I'll never let the cat out of the bag.. I'll let the knuckle draggers try and figure it out for themselves.
Last edited by wanderlust76; 12-21-2017 at 10:07 AM..
So, would you read all 75 and respond to those that catch your eye?
Or not read all 75?
I generally opened all my messages. It's rather difficult NOT to read a one or two word message, the brain absorbs that on sight. So technically speaking, I might have "read" virtually all my messages.
But I would have to be very bored to give a very short opening message any more attention than that.
Longer messages got a quick initial scan, and if there wasn't any reference to specifics in my profile, that was generally all they got, unless, again, I was bored. If I was bored, I might look at their profile. If there was anything there to give me a jumping off point with regard to something in common, then I might respond. If the generic messaging continued after that point, I'd lose interest fast.
Confusion cleared up? My original point still stands, that if you're competing with a lot of other guys to get a woman's attention, you need to put a little time and effort into crafting individual messages based on her profile. At least if you are looking for more than just a hookup and want someone who is also looking for more.
The vast majority of men I ever met/dated started with something specific about my profile that piqued their interest. I can't think of one that didn't. I know my current SO never made me feel like I was generic anywoman.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
