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Your mom is 74 not 24. She's probably very realistic about the fact that he's not going to be around too much longer, but she's willing to have some fun now and deal with that later.
I see very lonely older people out there. Let your mom make her own decisions about this relationship.
His children are are probably as concerned and surprised about the development as you are. He’ll listen to them, especially if it concerns marriage. You can imagine what they must be thinking!
Maybe you can encourage them to continue dating in a “chaste and godly” fashion and to keep an open line of communication with both families.
Love is healthy and they’re both adults. Remind them both to think of the pragmatic aspects of remaining single. Maybe it will be a long and happy time for both of them.
Your mom is 74 not 24. She's probably very realistic about the fact that he's not going to be around too much longer, but she's willing to have some fun now and deal with that later.
I see very lonely older people out there. Let your mom make her own decisions about this relationship.
My thoughts, exactly. Be sure that her finances, as well as his, are protected.
Consider talking to your mom about some other means of transportation when visiting each other.
Is the train or flight available? Driving fours hours is awfully dangerous for older people.
She is already talking about seeing a lawyer and a financial planner before they commit to anything so that they can iron the finances out and make sure things are secure and above board.
She is already talking about seeing a lawyer and a financial planner before they commit to anything so that they can iron the finances out and make sure things are secure and above board.
Great. Children don't understand what it is like for parents who live alone who didn't choose that lifestyle.
She is communicating with you, so at least you know what is happening in her life. Let her be; appears that she knows what she is doing and loving every minute!
Wow! I'm impressed that he's in decent health at his age! I think that since they've already had conversations about finances and the practical side of getting married, then they should do anything that makes them happy. If she gets a year or two, or ten, of happiness with this man, then that is awesome. Maybe her hardship in being caretaker before was not with the actual business of being a caretaker, but with the fact she was doing it for someone who made her unhappy for a long time.
I was married unhappily, and I begrudge him much. The fact that I gave him two children, a choice that changed my life and permanently altered my body among other things...I don't resent having kids, and I love my kids, I just wish I'd chosen better in who was their father. He was older than me, and if I'd had to actually be his caretaker, I'd have been miserable with that. Compare this to the fact that I'm with a man now, so happily, who is older even than my ex was, and it's fairly likely I'll be his caregiver one day, and I have no problem with that because he is wonderful, and we're well matched, and I'd do anything for him.
Thing about getting married is, assuming he passes on before she does, which is likely, he'll leave her his assets (unless some rigorous legal maneuvering and contracting keeps that from happening) and maybe he wants to do that for her?
My boyfriend is planning for what he considers a high likelihood that he'll need to relocate to care for his father, who is in his mid 80's and I keep telling him, yes be prepared for the possibility, but don't assume it WILL come to that. Because you just don't know, some people manage to be self-sufficient until one day they just fall over, or pass in their sleep. Requiring care is not a certainty. So, never know.
I don't get the feeling that your Mom is going into this blind to reality, she seems to have a solid idea of what she's doing. I'd say try not to worry about it. I think it's wonderful that two people of that age are finding new love together.
I don't think my mom cares that much about getting married, but the guy is pushing it. He's very Catholic and he doesn't believe in living together. Not sure what he thinks about sex outside of marriage...my mom and I don't talk about sex. I mentioned that they have stayed at each other's houses for days on end. I don't know if they are sleeping in separate rooms or not. That's TMI for me to discuss with mom. If I had to guess, I would say they are not having sex, due to the "no sex outside of marriage" rule in the Catholic faith.
Maybe I am just too practical (or just too non-religious) but that just seems ridiculous...two elderly people who are way past child-bearing age and widowed, can't have sex because they are not married???
As for finances, he has a little more than her, but not tons more so I don't think money is a big motivator to get married for either of them.
My mom's aunt met a man after she was widowed. When she met him, he was two years younger than her but they were both very late 70s.
They married shortly after. She was 80 and he was about 78. Neither of them thought that it would be for a long time but they wanted to make the most of the time they had left. It was mainly friendship and companionship, and I'm sure neither of them thought it would be lasting because of their ages, not their commitment to each other.
They are now 95 and 93 and have been married for 15 years and both are going strong. They are happy.
I say, if she is happy, she should go for it. Their marriage at that late age has been happier than many ever are and has lasted longer than many too.
EDIt: He is quite Catholic too. She converted for him. Obviously I don't know the details of my great-aunt's 90's sex life but I wouldn't be surprised if that was a factor in their relatively quick marriage as well. And both were well off independently so that wasn't a factor. She had been married for over 50 years to a doctor and he had been a dentist so that could change things of course.
It's hard to find in this life. If you find it, grab it and hold on to it with both hands.
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