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Old 12-22-2017, 12:43 PM
 
Location: Texas
13,485 posts, read 7,307,858 times
Reputation: 25940

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Quote:
Originally Posted by oceangaia View Post
Unless you have somesense that she is unhappy in your relationship, leave it alone. She runs a massage business. That is a very personal and sensual service, involving rubbing a man's body. For him it's pleasure. Many men are going to want something more and see what they can get. For her it's business. Dealing with the inevitable come-ons is "part of the job". .
Um, no. That's not a business, it's something else.


I get massage services and don't expect them to be sensual at all. And I don't come on to the therapist.
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Old 12-22-2017, 12:51 PM
 
887 posts, read 505,977 times
Reputation: 1983
[quote=BirdieBelle;50474931]Well, there are some factors missing between finding something on her FB page and "If you don't trust her, you shouldn't be there."

He has found something worth investigating. It IS suspicious. Context matters. The doc didn't text her some work-related thing like, "Just confirming our appointment for tomorrow." He texted her something that people who are personally involved would text each other.

Sure, you can blithely go through life never once "checking on" your partner, but you also can take proactive steps to let your partner know that you are aware of potential threats but not susceptible to them.
quote]


hmm, that is interesting. But I remember we had a post on her where I woman " caught the text messages" and managed to stop an affair from happening ( therefore taking proactive steps as you say). My attitude towards that is this, so you stopped the affair, who cares. So then you are going to spend the rest of your life checking up on that person, and I choose not to live that way. If I happened to see texts that my husband was involved in indicating he was on the verge on an affair, I wouldn't try to stop it. I would figure out what the hell is wrong with my marriage and if we should still be together. Sure, it would be sad, and difficult. But why would I want to be with someone who wasn't fully into it?


There are always going to be " potential threats" out there. My husband was in Thailand with guy friends, I am sure they had women interested in them. I go to Vegas, sin city. There will always be people out there better looking, who enjoy chasing married people, whatever the case may be. The point is, we are all adults and choose what actions to take in these situations. And these texts in this case barely even sound like anything, except casual conversation. I have guy friends, we chat here and there over text or email, not a big deal, and I certainly don't report back to my husband about these conversations.
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Old 12-22-2017, 12:53 PM
 
5,198 posts, read 4,978,303 times
Reputation: 13236
Quote:
Originally Posted by PriscillaVanilla View Post
Um, no. That's not a business, it's something else.


I get massage services and don't expect them to be sensual at all. And I don't come on to the therapist.

Right?

What a weird outlook to have.
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Old 12-22-2017, 12:54 PM
 
Location: State of Transition
98,580 posts, read 97,019,930 times
Reputation: 109908
As long as we're critiquing her response, let's not overlook the fact that all she said was, "I go to bed at 10:00". She didn't say anything along the lines of, "My time after work hours belongs to my boyfriend". She should not be leading a client on, just for the sake of keeping a client, keeping the money coming in. That would be asking for trouble. Most massage therapists (I was one, for awhile) don't want clients who come onto them repeatedly, or who more subtly test boundaries.

Massage therapists have the right to refuse service to anyone, or even to stop a massage in progress, and still require payment, if the client does something inappropriate. And they do use those rights, when necessary. Anyone so desperate for business as to play games with the client as oceangaia implied, should find a half-time job for a steady income, working their massage schedule around that. Many do.
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Old 12-22-2017, 01:01 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
49,924 posts, read 55,558,550 times
Reputation: 98359
Quote:
Originally Posted by canadiangirl_2015 View Post

hmm, that is interesting. But I remember we had a post on her where I woman " caught the text messages" and managed to stop an affair from happening ( therefore taking proactive steps as you say). My attitude towards that is this, so you stopped the affair, who cares. So then you are going to spend the rest of your life checking up on that person, and I choose not to live that way. If I happened to see texts that my husband was involved in indicating he was on the verge on an affair, I wouldn't try to stop it. I would figure out what the hell is wrong with my marriage and if we should still be together. Sure, it would be sad, and difficult. But why would I want to be with someone who wasn't fully into it?
Who said stopping the affair was the only thing that should happen? A conversation should obviously take place. Several convos, in fact.

Who knows if she's fully into it? The op is at the beginning of this painful process to find out. She can be tempted but work on getting over that with the love and support of a bf who is secure with himself.
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Old 12-22-2017, 01:06 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
49,924 posts, read 55,558,550 times
Reputation: 98359
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruth4Truth View Post
As long as we're critiquing her response, let's not overlook the fact that all she said was, "I go to bed at 10:00". She didn't say anything along the lines of, "My time after work hours belongs to my boyfriend". She should not be leading a client on, just for the sake of keeping a client, keeping the money coming in. That would be asking for trouble. Most massage therapists (I was one, for awhile) don't want clients who come onto them repeatedly, or who more subtly test boundaries.

Massage therapists have the right to refuse service to anyone, or even to stop a massage in progress, and still require payment, if the client does something inappropriate. And they do use those rights, when necessary. Anyone so desperate for business as to play games with the client as oceangaia implied, should find a half-time job for a steady income, working their massage schedule around that. Many do.
Yep she may well have done nothing wrong, but all the OP has to do is ask, "Why did dude ask if you were awake at 11 pm?"

That's a perfect chance for her to (hopefully) say, "Ugh that's that old doctor client who seems to have a crush on me. I won't be seeing him any more."

The end.
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Old 12-22-2017, 01:22 PM
 
887 posts, read 505,977 times
Reputation: 1983
Quote:
Originally Posted by BirdieBelle View Post
Who said stopping the affair was the only thing that should happen? A conversation should obviously take place. Several convos, in fact.

Who knows if she's fully into it? The op is at the beginning of this painful process to find out. She can be tempted but work on getting over that with the love and support of a bf who is secure with himself.

I just have a different attitude about it. Say for example I saw a message like that on my husbands computer. I would assume he can handle it. But honestly I would just assume it's a friend I don't know, someone from work, whatever. I don't know everyone he knows, or even every woman he knows. Maybe it is someone with a crush, maybe they have become friends, who the heck knows. But if a woman had a crush on my husband, I trust him to deal with this. I have no desire to have " many conversations" about things like this, especially since nothing was even really said. All he said was are you awake. Maybe he just wanted to chat.
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Old 12-22-2017, 01:28 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
49,924 posts, read 55,558,550 times
Reputation: 98359
Quote:
Originally Posted by canadiangirl_2015 View Post
I just have a different attitude about it. Say for example I saw a message like that on my husbands computer. I would assume he can handle it. But honestly I would just assume it's a friend I don't know, someone from work, whatever. I don't know everyone he knows, or even every woman he knows. Maybe it is someone with a crush, maybe they have become friends, who the heck knows. But if a woman had a crush on my husband, I trust him to deal with this. I have no desire to have " many conversations" about things like this, especially since nothing was even really said. All he said was are you awake. Maybe he just wanted to chat.
Asking about it doesn't mean you don't trust him.

That's the way you operate. Other people operate differently, and it's not a negative. It doesn't have to be distrustful. It's a way to stay engaged, to remind her he is aware and cares, that he wants to be sure she is safe and not being harrassed.

Assuming your husband can handle it doesn't preclude you from helping him And supporting him emotionally, if he wants that.

Oh, I'm sure he waned to chat LMAO
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Old 12-22-2017, 01:29 PM
 
5,198 posts, read 4,978,303 times
Reputation: 13236
Quote:
Originally Posted by canadiangirl_2015 View Post
I just have a different attitude about it. Say for example I saw a message like that on my husbands computer. I would assume he can handle it. But honestly I would just assume it's a friend I don't know, someone from work, whatever. I don't know everyone he knows, or even every woman he knows. Maybe it is someone with a crush, maybe they have become friends, who the heck knows. But if a woman had a crush on my husband, I trust him to deal with this. I have no desire to have " many conversations" about things like this, especially since nothing was even really said. All he said was are you awake. Maybe he just wanted to chat.


LOL


Ok, you lost all credibility with that one.

If someone wants to chat at 1104 pm, they can speak with their spouse.
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Old 12-22-2017, 01:31 PM
 
336 posts, read 174,489 times
Reputation: 409
Quote:
Originally Posted by QuestOfTruth View Post
The conversation is not important, what matters is that you don't trust your gf. Without trust, there is nothing....
Oh BS. Trust but verify, is the appropriate approach for any man to take. The only reason he read her messages, is because it was put in front of his face. At this point, it is his responsibility to ensure there is no funny business going on, if he cares about his relationship. Perhaps you should be criticizing his GF, who is having at least an emotional affair (probably physical) with a married man, behind her BFs back.
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