Girlfriend getting late night texts and good morning texts (girls, cheated, spouse)

[Mikala43]

I think a couple things are different here, my husband works in a field where infidelity is rampant, and our state is essentially just a small town. For so-and-so to have seen so-and-so is super common. So I do err on the side of caution. I mean, my husband has never thought I was fooling around, so I don't mean to imply that.

A "you up?" text is a "are you free to chat?" text, and 11pm is the start of the Booty Call Hour, so she should be cognizant that it looks bad.

[nobodysbusiness]

Just ask her what is going on.

Leave him out of it.

[homina12]

Originally Posted by canadiangirl_2015

That's cool for you. But you see, I also have men friends, so if someone said to my husband they saw me somewhere with a guy, he would just assume I was with a friend, rather than the worst. I am not even saying I wouldn't tell my husband, I probably would in passing if a guy was hitting on me or something, just because we would get a good laugh about it and we talk about things. But I don't need to. And we don't need to look at each other texts or emails. I have faith. If it turns out I am the biggest idiot on the planet, so be it, and I move on to being single again, either way, I will be ok. I am not scared of something happening, but I am scared of living my life worrying about something happening. I am scared of living a life being controlled because of what " might" happen.


And actually yes, I think you can fault someone who is supposed to trust you for thinking the worst, if you have never given them a reason not to think that. I would be fuming mad if I came home and a friend of my husbands had mentioned he saw me out with a guy, and my husband assumed I was cheating on him right off the bat. Because I have NEVER given him a reason to think that. So to leap to that assumption isn't cool at all. In fact this recently happened, I was out for my work party, and a bunch of us went out dancing afterwards. I was dancing with some guys I know from work. My husband's friend saw me and mentioned it. it came up a few days later when I said my back was a bit sore from dancing ( I am old ha), and he said " oh ya, so and so mentioned he saw you were dancing a few nights ago" No assumptions, nothing, just faith that I was just having fun. It probably wouldn't have even come up if I hadn't said anything.

In a general sense I agree with you. I have no interest in preventing anything from happening because that's not really within my power, which mostly frees me from worrying about infidelity. I think I'd walk, dramatically and with great fanfare, if I did discover that she was cheating, but I'm not going to look for evidence, suspect her behavior, or otherwise vex myself.

Having said all that, the OP now has a suspicion, and if I knew what he knows I'd wonder about it too. I think the need for communication outweighs any potential or even likely awkwardness that discussion would entail. So I'd ask about the pics and messages.

[49erfan916]

Originally Posted by Inacitysomewhere

My Ex husband did this exact thing (Even on facebook) to women 'friends.' Those EXACT sort of messages. Good morning, Goodnight, etc. Later I discovered that every one of the 'friendly friends' was someone he had been flirting with, and not just online. Most of them he had stayed over or taken out on dates. Notice, he is my ex now.

No good can come from that. There's no reason for anyone in a relationship, male or female, to be messaging someone of the opposite sex at those hours those kinds of things unless they are longtime friendships or they are 17.

I agree---on the hunt. I wouldn't trust her either.

OP, trust your gut and listen to experience!



This is why I don't talk to my female friends that are in a relationship that late. Even though her and I were friends, I do not cross the line and come off as inappropriate.

Just a few months ago, I was trying to go to Phoenix and my female friend offered me to stay with her; she was in a relationship. I thought about it and I thought it was inapproprate so i declined her offer. I knew her before she was in a relationship but I still think it would be inappropriate for me to stay some nights with her alone. There's certain lines that a man shouldn't cross with a woman and vice versa.

Now, messaging late at night may not be a big deal but it is your job to investigate.

[49erfan916]

Originally Posted by RedWings18

lol I love how immediately these threads derail into a snooping argument. Bunch of peeps been caught before lmao.

OP it's weird. Trust is key to healthy relationships but this is a big red flag. Most people do not text good morning and late night "you ups" to people they aren't emotionally or sexually invested in. Especially married men.

See the problem with trust and the discussion of it is that it's fragile, no matter how hard any poster here will anecdotally tell you how strong their super special relationship is. It can erode slowly over time or in an instant. Blind trust is for simps who like getting played like a fool. Trust but verify. In a committed relationship, there aren't red flags and to just ignore them with rose colored glasses cause you should just trust is idiotic.

Take a step back, breath, and assess your girlfriends behavior. I wouldn't ask her about it because if anything did happen or is happening she will hide / erase it doubly so. Cheaters who don't want to lose their current relationship won't admit to anything without being caught dead to rights. The answer will be exactly the same in either case. So "just ask" is really silly advice. Just be a little more vigilant and see if you notice any more red flags.

This is the realest **** I have ever seen on this thread.

[Time2Improve]

All these posts and no updates from the OP.... It sounds like she's already cheating or potentially flirting with the idea. What's the word OP?

[RbccL]

Originally Posted by montana23

The guy is married and has been for 27 years so why is he texting my girlfriend at 11:00 at night and first thing in the morning. My first thought is something is going on. My second thought is to send the string to his wife and say, "tell your husband to stop texting my girlfriend. Thought???

My thought? My dentist called me at 11pm to ask how I was doing. I think something strange happened after the nitrous oxide. Because of the time, and situation, I didn't continue the conversation or mention it to my SO. Am I interested in him? No. I've been in a situation where a married man kept contacting me to "leave the door open" in case I was interested, more than once.

As far as I'm concerned, who cares? Nothing happens, because I'm not interested. I don't give my SO any reason to think about it, either.

It's a different world when you simply trust your partner.

[TooncesTheDrivingCat]

Originally Posted by QuestOfTruth

The conversation is not important, what matters is that you don't trust your gf. Without trust, there is nothing....

I call BS. That whole "there is nothing without trust" junk doesn't even mean anything. Trust needs to be earned and maintained.

This, on the other hand, is shady. I'm not sure I'd charge in and start leveling accusations, but you can bet I'd be watching closely to see what else is going on.

[BobCaldwell]

Originally Posted by John1981

wow, way to go out of your way to attack the victim. Something tells me that if the genders were reversed you would be calling for the guys head.

*thumbs up*

These sorts of folks tend to engage in this behavior as well, but dress it up with sweetness and 'open-ness' with whatever chump man who'll tolerate it.

[RedWings18]

Originally Posted by John1981

wow, way to go out of your way to attack the victim. Something tells me that if the genders were reversed you would be calling for the guys head.

Always happens in these threads. There was one thread were a bunch of posters went as far as to say snooping is on the same level as cheating hahahaha. Logic isn't a strong suit here.