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I believe my BF of several years is manipulating me. Since losing his job earlier this year, I made it clear I couldn't have a partner who wasn't financially independent. I've done everything to help - from recommending job sites and job employment centers to helping with the resume, cover letters, copies and the like. He got a job in retail and quit after 2 weeks - said it was hard work for little money - then ran out of unemployment money. I told him time is of the essence if he wants me to wait since its been almost 6 months. I keep asking "did you go online to indeed.com today" and things like that - he doesn't. I believe he looks online but not aggressively; otherwise, he sits around. Now he says he'll be a Uber driver and keep looking.
Having said all of that above, I feel like I'm being manipulated. He wants me to be exclusive with him; we are both past middle age and I feel like he doesn't realize that his situation is really upsetting to me since if he was back on track financially, we could move forward and move in together, etc. I know employment is really hard at an older age but he gave up the first job and in my opinion, certainly isn't going out of his way to find another.
In addition, I have another dilemma with him. My daughter lives out of town and is having some personal issues; she will unexpectedly be alone over New Years weekend, so I was prepared to spend Friday and/or Saturday night with BF and then see her for Sunday and Monday. He was almost ballistic on me when I mentioned it. He insisted that he go with me (even though he has little money for a hotel) and made me feel really guilty for asking. What's the big deal - we had no real plans for NY Eve...just was going to get some dinner very early in the evening. Am I being unreasonable or is this another example of his manipulation?
Doesn't sound like a good situation. How is he getting any money? Hopefully you're not giving him any. If you are, you need to cut loose now.
The situation with your daughter sounds extreme on his part. It's your family. Sounds jealous or insecure for some reason (with family? weird) which is never, in my opinion, an attractive characteristic in a partner.
In my opinion you'd be better off cutting your ties so you're not dragged down by this guy hanging on you for financial support (which looks like where this is heading). But then of course, you're the one that's got to weigh the positives and negatives. If you're financially independent on your own and like this guy's company, then maybe he's worth it, I don't know. It's your decision to make.
It’s Impossible to be manipulated unless you allow it.
No one said her bf has succeeded. We're only saying he's attempting to, and that that's a red flag. Who wants to be with someone who tries to manipulate you? The OP asked if this is what he's trying to do, and with respect to her going out of town on her own (though to see her daughter), the answer is: yes.
I think temper tantrums are an attempt to control, but not necessarily manipulate (yeah, fine line).
There are ALL kinds of reasons she shouldn't stay with him, and this is just one more.
But does she just want complain, or ?.
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What it comes down to? Run screaming from this guy.
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