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That's not what she said. She's addressing the way you characterize a certain demographic of people. Just as it would be asinine to characterize never-married and childless men in their upper 30s+ as "defective" or some other obnoxious adjective. There are a number of people or types I wasn't interested in dating, but I didn't go out of my way to lambaste them. You have a tendency to do this, as do others, and when called on it, act like you only said you weren't interested in divorced or single mothers. It's intellectually dishonest and dripping in unrighteous judgment.
You're not necessarily a better catch because you made your choices. They just happen to be choices you made that differ from others' choices. Most people have experienced "failed" relationships.
Yep. Thank you.
Quote:
Originally Posted by 49ersfan27
If me not wanting to be with a woman who has kids makes me not develop "real emotional intimacy" then I'll proudly wear that label.
Stop intentionally being dumb.
You "not wanting to be with a woman who has kids..." isn't what will do that. You being naive and imperceptive is.
dating can be challenging enough.. add in kids and it can be downright impossible. I am talking about things after the honeymoon period of course. First off, you have the other guy/girl who you may or may not get along with, then you have to deal with the kids themselves who may or may not hate you despite doing everything right.. kids have minds of their own and who knows how they will perceive you when you are aiming to compete with their biological parent. And then of course there is the aspect of discipline, you can't discipline other people's kids but if you get into a situation where you are living together you will be in a tough situation - their kids may give you grief but you will be unable to discipline them because they aren't your own and this may also cause friction with your partner. It's just a total mess, best to avoid it. Single people without children just date other childless people to keep it simple.
Then there is also the factor of risk these days, kids are born liars and who knows they may just lie and complain that you abused them. In this country a kids word is gospel truth - one accusation and they will lock you up and throw away the key even if there is no evidence. If it's your own biological child this is much less of a risk but do you want to expose yourself to this kind of risk with other people's kids? Best to stay the heck away from such situations.
In this country a kids word is gospel truth - one accusation and they will lock you up and throw away the key even if there is no evidence.
Lol, yeah, I'm pretty sure that's not how it works.
You may not prefer to date people that already have kids (my preference is to date childless people as well), but that doesn't mean others do, nor have not had success with it.
dating can be challenging enough.. add in kids and it can be downright impossible. I am talking about things after the honeymoon period of course. First off, you have the other guy/girl who you may or may not get along with, then you have to deal with the kids themselves who may or may not hate you despite doing everything right.. kids have minds of their own and who knows how they will perceive you when you are aiming to compete with their biological parent. And then of course there is the aspect of discipline, you can't discipline other people's kids but if you get into a situation where you are living together you will be in a tough situation - their kids may give you grief but you will be unable to discipline them because they aren't your own and this may also cause friction with your partner. It's just a total mess, best to avoid it. Single people without children just date other childless people to keep it simple.
Then there is also the factor of risk these days, kids are born liars and who knows they may just lie and complain that you abused them. In this country a kids word is gospel truth - one accusation and they will lock you up and throw away the key even if there is no evidence. If it's your own biological child this is much less of a risk but do you want to expose yourself to this kind of risk with other people's kids? Best to stay the heck away from such situations.
What??? OMG
OK so at least we know now that you haven't actually been around many kids lately, and that you're apparently basing these ideas about relationships on TV and movies.
It's not close-minded at all and I know I'm not every woman's cup of tea. That doesn't bother me. If me not wanting to be with a woman who has kids makes me not develop "real emotional intimacy" then I'll proudly wear that label. I know some can handle that responsibility but I know I can't.
I don't think it's close minded to not want a woman with kids. A person can develop emotional intimacy with childless partners. Dating a person with kids is not required for that.
It's taboo (for some reason) in our society, for people to say they don't want to date a person with kids. It's no longer taboo for people to admit they don't want kids at all, so why should it be taboo for a person to say I don't want to become a stepparent; that's not for me. I don't want to parent someone else's children.
I don't think it's close minded to not want a woman with kids. A person can develop emotional intimacy with childless partners. Dating a person with kids is not required for that.
Nobody said it was.
Quote:
Originally Posted by PriscillaVanilla
It's taboo (for some reason) in our society, for people to say they don't want to date a person with kids. It's no longer taboo for people to admit they don't want kids at all, so why should it be taboo for a person to say I don't want to become a stepparent; that's not for me. I don't want to parent someone else's children.
It's not. That's not the problem. This:
Quote:
Originally Posted by Metaphysique
She's addressing the way you characterize a certain demographic of people. Just as it would be asinine to characterize never-married and childless men in their upper 30s+ as "defective" or some other obnoxious adjective. There are a number of people or types I wasn't interested in dating, but I didn't go out of my way to lambaste them. You have a tendency to do this, as do others, and when called on it, act like you only said you weren't interested in divorced or single mothers. It's intellectually dishonest and dripping in unrighteous judgment.
Yeah I think that's a bit of a myth. The vast majority of women I know prefer dating men that are close to their own ages. When I was in my 20s, guys in their 30s seemed "old", never mind guys in their 40s!
While marriages with older men are more common than the reverse, marriages where there is a significant age gap with the husband being older make up the smallest percent of older man/younger woman marriages.
According to the Census, the pecertage of marriages where the husband is 20 years older is only 1.1% of all marriages. Marriages where couples' ages are within a year of each other, combined with marriages where the husband is 2-3 years older or 4-5 years older, make up the majority of marriages.
This is idea that 20-something women are chomping at the bit in large numbers to date/marry men in their forties is male fantasy.
Last edited by Atlanta_BD; 12-30-2017 at 08:06 PM..
lol I've never heard of this in my life, a 40 year old guy that's in shape and has some status and/or money can easily date a woman in her late 20's.
You thinking otherwise, is just wishful thinking on your part because you fear older men with options and think we have to settle.
OLD isn't really a good gauge for the real world you're dealing with people that are using a shopping list filter system, the real world has much more variance.
The bolded part is definitely hilarious, unless you're talking about a 60 year old hitting on a 21 year old or something.
I don't know what the stats are for dating but these types of marriages are extremely rare. The actual marriage statistics don't bear out your claim. I don't have a fear of older men with options. People can date/marry whomever they choose. I don't date older men, so I don't care who they date.
And some of you keep mentioning how as long as a 40 something guy is in shape and has money and status he can easily attract 20-something women. But what you all are forgetting is that these millennial dudes are no small change. They are even more attractive, are in better shape and are earning just as much as older men these days. In my line of work, on a daily basis, I interact with millennial men under 30 who are highly-educated, very attractive and fit techies and big-firm consultants pulling down good six figure salaries. I have come in contact with hundres of them. Most of of them are married, engaged or dating women their own age. Do you really think you can compete with these dudes for women their age? What is the impetus for a woman in her 20's to go for a man in his forties, when she can easily get a man her own age who is also fit, attractive and earns a good salary?
I am not against a woman in her 20's dating a man in his 40's at all. But these days, there are lots of millennial dudes who can offer the same thing a man in his 40's can, and these educated with millennial guys with good jobs are marriage-minded. I see these guys every day. A lot of men in their 40's assume they have more to offer financially than younger guys, but a lot of younger guys earn high salaries too these days.
Last edited by Atlanta_BD; 12-30-2017 at 08:55 PM..
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