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But then if you're not careful, you could find yourself repeating a pattern especially if you're constantly going on about your ex to the next woman.
Actually when I meet a new woman I'm attracted to who seems attracted to me is usually when all thoughts of the previous gf fly from my head. until then I am sad as hell, when I get a response on one of my ad's those sad feelings get put on fold as I have a ray of hope shining through that dark cloud.
one of the things that frustrates me about single life is when well meaning people say cold hearted things like "just move on" " there are plenty of fish in the sea" or theirs millions of women out there.
It is not cold hearted. It is realistic. You do need to move on. And there are others out there. You either keep trying or decide to stay single.
I do usually say that dating is a numbers game - you have to get out and try a lot to help your chances. That said, there IS an element of luck...and expanding from your "base" to see if other women you haven't considered before might work out.
People say "move on" and "other fish" seemingly lightly because that's pretty much all you CAN do. Keep trying...get out there. What is the alternative? I have nothing against staying single if that's what you want - if you want a relationship though, eventually you have to move on and get to fishing.
Sometimes moving on emotionally is not so easy. It's not just about finding someone new, it's about actually letting go and getting over that person and healing.
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Originally Posted by cyphorx
actually it is. the later is made easier by the former.
Quote:
Originally Posted by cyphorx
Actually when I meet a new woman I'm attracted to who seems attracted to me is usually when all thoughts of the previous gf fly from my head. until then I am sad as hell, when I get a response on one of my ad's those sad feelings get put on fold as I have a ray of hope shining through that dark cloud.
This is exactly correct - usually.
One of my exes gave me a call a few days after breaking up complaining that I was on the dating site again so soon. I wonder what she was doing there? She was one of my bigger mistakes and I was glad to be out of it.
I'm going to agree that it is difficult to meet anyone available who meets all of your criteria, especially since so many people are unrealistic about what they think they deserve. However, that is no reason to stay in a miserable relationship, nor is that an excuse to pursue someone who doesn't want you.
There really is no healthy solution except to move on and try again.
I have to mention that if you are miserable in a relationship, that person isn't meeting all of your criteria, anyway. Unless your wish list includes that you are looking for someone to kick you every morning and constantly undermine your confidence. Not that there aren't people out there looking for that exact thing on their secret wish list.
And, hey, lots of people never put "wants me and loves me back" on their wish list.
Realize that what hurts is not the actual ending of the relationship but rather that you over estimated your role in that other person's life.
I don't see it as cold hearted.. but rather a slap in the face of reality. If the relationship ends, there really isn't another path but to move on. You can't force the relationship... you don't want to. You just have to work through the phases of "grief" and move on. You hurt... then you get angry... then you get over it. Until you move on... you are at a standstill. With that said, take your time to get through it... and move on. Distract the mind (and heart) but don't forget to have periods of reflection.
It truly is a game of winners and losers. One of the lessons I repeat to my sons is that you have to learn to compete. We compete with each other in every aspect of life; work included. Part of that includes learning that you will loose at times. The difference between those that succeed and those that fail is whether or not that loss motivates them to try again looking for different avenues and options.
Statistically speaking, you are eliminating women "with baggage" or incompatibilities. Well from the perspective of women the same statistics apply. No there are not millions of women for a guy but on the same token there are not millions of guys for a particular lady either. One option that is often available to a single person is the ability to change/move dating pools.
After my divorce, a friend of mine said, "you aren't really mourning your marriage, you are mourning what it never was."
Better a cruel truth, than a comfortable delusion, Ive always tell myself.
What other options do you have, OP, if not to move on?
This.
What other options do you have? Living in the past? Trying to get back what you lost? Obsessing for days/weeks/months, sometimes YEARS over the one who got away? All of those options leave you unhappy.
The surest path to being happy again is to...move on.
Sometimes the things we most need to do for ourselves are the hardest and most challenging. That's life.
Moving on is what you need to do for YOU after a breakup. It's not easy. If it's easy, then the relationship was one sided. If you were in it wholeheartedly, breakups are hard. Heck, I've needed a bit of time even when I was the one who initiated the split. More time when I was the one dumped. But at some point, I had to dust myself off and try again and move on. I wasn't doing myself any favors sitting around in mourning indefinitely.
I problem with such statements are mostly in the tone, as if I can pick up a knew girlfriend while picking up a gallon of milf and some lucky strikes. yes there was a time I could do that, it was between 1986 and 1991.
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