Welcome to City-Data.com Forum!
U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 01-08-2018, 12:16 AM
 
9,301 posts, read 8,314,912 times
Reputation: 7328

Advertisements

Quote:
Originally Posted by cyphorx View Post
actually it is. the later is made easier by the former.
But then if you're not careful, you could find yourself repeating a pattern especially if you're constantly going on about your ex to the next woman.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 01-08-2018, 02:56 AM
 
1,568 posts, read 1,113,269 times
Reputation: 1676
Quote:
Originally Posted by TJenkins602 View Post
But then if you're not careful, you could find yourself repeating a pattern especially if you're constantly going on about your ex to the next woman.
Actually when I meet a new woman I'm attracted to who seems attracted to me is usually when all thoughts of the previous gf fly from my head. until then I am sad as hell, when I get a response on one of my ad's those sad feelings get put on fold as I have a ray of hope shining through that dark cloud.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-08-2018, 05:00 AM
 
Location: Where the sun likes to shine!!
20,549 posts, read 30,308,210 times
Reputation: 88950
Quote:
Originally Posted by cyphorx View Post
one of the things that frustrates me about single life is when well meaning people say cold hearted things like "just move on" " there are plenty of fish in the sea" or theirs millions of women out there.

It is not cold hearted. It is realistic. You do need to move on. And there are others out there. You either keep trying or decide to stay single.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-08-2018, 05:21 AM
 
Location: Central IL
20,726 posts, read 16,240,506 times
Reputation: 50368
I do usually say that dating is a numbers game - you have to get out and try a lot to help your chances. That said, there IS an element of luck...and expanding from your "base" to see if other women you haven't considered before might work out.

People say "move on" and "other fish" seemingly lightly because that's pretty much all you CAN do. Keep trying...get out there. What is the alternative? I have nothing against staying single if that's what you want - if you want a relationship though, eventually you have to move on and get to fishing.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-08-2018, 09:20 AM
 
Location: Auckland, New Zealand
10,912 posts, read 5,889,606 times
Reputation: 5630
Quote:
Originally Posted by 303Guy View Post
Sometimes moving on emotionally is not so easy. It's not just about finding someone new, it's about actually letting go and getting over that person and healing.
Quote:
Originally Posted by cyphorx View Post
actually it is. the later is made easier by the former.
Quote:
Originally Posted by cyphorx View Post
Actually when I meet a new woman I'm attracted to who seems attracted to me is usually when all thoughts of the previous gf fly from my head. until then I am sad as hell, when I get a response on one of my ad's those sad feelings get put on fold as I have a ray of hope shining through that dark cloud.
This is exactly correct - usually.

One of my exes gave me a call a few days after breaking up complaining that I was on the dating site again so soon. I wonder what she was doing there? She was one of my bigger mistakes and I was glad to be out of it.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-08-2018, 10:17 AM
 
Location: North Idaho
32,529 posts, read 47,597,720 times
Reputation: 77907
I'm going to agree that it is difficult to meet anyone available who meets all of your criteria, especially since so many people are unrealistic about what they think they deserve. However, that is no reason to stay in a miserable relationship, nor is that an excuse to pursue someone who doesn't want you.

There really is no healthy solution except to move on and try again.

I have to mention that if you are miserable in a relationship, that person isn't meeting all of your criteria, anyway. Unless your wish list includes that you are looking for someone to kick you every morning and constantly undermine your confidence. Not that there aren't people out there looking for that exact thing on their secret wish list.

And, hey, lots of people never put "wants me and loves me back" on their wish list.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-08-2018, 11:12 AM
 
Location: Elsewhere
88,212 posts, read 84,094,155 times
Reputation: 114520
Quote:
Originally Posted by usayit View Post
Realize that what hurts is not the actual ending of the relationship but rather that you over estimated your role in that other person's life.

I don't see it as cold hearted.. but rather a slap in the face of reality. If the relationship ends, there really isn't another path but to move on. You can't force the relationship... you don't want to. You just have to work through the phases of "grief" and move on. You hurt... then you get angry... then you get over it. Until you move on... you are at a standstill. With that said, take your time to get through it... and move on. Distract the mind (and heart) but don't forget to have periods of reflection.

It truly is a game of winners and losers. One of the lessons I repeat to my sons is that you have to learn to compete. We compete with each other in every aspect of life; work included. Part of that includes learning that you will loose at times. The difference between those that succeed and those that fail is whether or not that loss motivates them to try again looking for different avenues and options.

Statistically speaking, you are eliminating women "with baggage" or incompatibilities. Well from the perspective of women the same statistics apply. No there are not millions of women for a guy but on the same token there are not millions of guys for a particular lady either. One option that is often available to a single person is the ability to change/move dating pools.
After my divorce, a friend of mine said, "you aren't really mourning your marriage, you are mourning what it never was."
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-08-2018, 12:26 PM
 
13,262 posts, read 7,958,007 times
Reputation: 30752
Quote:
Originally Posted by hawaiiancoconut View Post
Better a cruel truth, than a comfortable delusion, Ive always tell myself.

What other options do you have, OP, if not to move on?

This.


What other options do you have? Living in the past? Trying to get back what you lost? Obsessing for days/weeks/months, sometimes YEARS over the one who got away? All of those options leave you unhappy.


The surest path to being happy again is to...move on.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-08-2018, 04:23 PM
 
Location: Nevada
777 posts, read 449,978 times
Reputation: 1608
Sometimes the things we most need to do for ourselves are the hardest and most challenging. That's life.

Moving on is what you need to do for YOU after a breakup. It's not easy. If it's easy, then the relationship was one sided. If you were in it wholeheartedly, breakups are hard. Heck, I've needed a bit of time even when I was the one who initiated the split. More time when I was the one dumped. But at some point, I had to dust myself off and try again and move on. I wasn't doing myself any favors sitting around in mourning indefinitely.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-10-2018, 01:52 PM
 
1,568 posts, read 1,113,269 times
Reputation: 1676
I problem with such statements are mostly in the tone, as if I can pick up a knew girlfriend while picking up a gallon of milf and some lucky strikes. yes there was a time I could do that, it was between 1986 and 1991.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:


Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships

All times are GMT -6.

© 2005-2024, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Contact Us - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37 - Top