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View Poll Results: Should I end it or not?
Male: yes 11 37.93%
Male: no 0 0%
Female: yes 18 62.07%
Female: no 0 0%
Voters: 29. You may not vote on this poll

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Old 01-10-2018, 11:40 AM
 
10 posts, read 7,361 times
Reputation: 26

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Hey guys,
This is my first post on this forum. I had been dating this girl for 4 months. She's in college and I am not. I live less than an hour away from where she goes. So pretty much, we had been awesome together for our whole relationship. Never really fought, just little disagreements we had every once and a while. Nothing major. I get blind sided by her wanting a break RIGHT before she leaves for Christmas break, keep in mind she would already be 4 hours away from me. She tells me she still loves me, but needs time to "find herself".

Before I get into the story there was this guy that had been calling her late at night. I didn't let it bother me for a while, but once it continued for a few weeks I expressed how it bothered me and she got very upset. She claims they are just friends and he calls her multiple times a night to talk about his ex girlfriend..... every single night. After I told her it bothered me, she allegedly blocked his number. I was hanging with her the night before she left and sure enough, her phone starts ringing. She says she wasn't going to answer it and she didn't care who it was. Well, I obviously knew who it was and knew she wasn't telling the truth about blocking his number. Just to confirm my suspicion she got up to go to the bathroom and I went and looked at her phone and sure enough it was the guy she said she blocked. He had called her 3 times and texted her twice. I didn't say a word about it when she came back in, but she could tell I was livid. The rest the night passes and later that night I went home.
Back to my point, the next day she texts me saying we need to talk and then says she wants to take a break... but only over Christmas break we were still gonna talk over the break, but technically wouldn't be dating and then we can"pick back up where we left off" when she gets back to school. I said I wanted us to stay exclusive and she said thats fine, but its not fair of you to say that to me. I didn't understand what that meant. I was pissed because obviously I go straight to thinking she's gonna cheat on me. So like we said she still talked to me everyday and facetimed me and what not, but multiple nights she would go MIA and not respond at all then text me the next day and say things like "oh I went to a movie by myself and my phone died" I asked when she went and when she got back and she claimed she didn't know. I was suspicious as hell. So off and on she had been ignoring me for long periods of time then answering me acting like nothing ever happened. So New Years Eve rolls around and obviously we were not gonna get to be together. She was going to a big party with some friends from high school at a house. She had been answering me all day, but right when she started drinking I never heard from her the rest of the night. I was pissed so I let it be know over text. She texted me the next morning and said her phone was in her pocket, but she had posted snapchat stories. So I say well you posted snapchat stories did you not see my texts? She then says oh well I saw them but I didn't respond to anyone the whole night. BTW, the snapchat stories were off some guy friend she had a thing with for like a month the previous summer, but it didn't work out. He goes to the same college as her and I have hung out with him many times. I wasn't too worried about the snapchat stories but they did seem kinda touchy in them and I saw pictures on Facebook of his arm all around her. So once again I'm obviously suspicious. Of course when alcohol is involved its very easy for something to happen especially with an old fling on NYE.
A week or so ago, I finally had enough and said we needed to talk. So she facetimed me and I told her I was sick of being treated I mean nothing to her and how I was very suspicious of what she had been doing over the break because she had been so shady towards me. She starts crying and admits to me that she had been ignoring me on purpose, but couldn't give me a reason why, but she swears she didn't cheat on me.
So last night, we were talking about a tv show and I was talking about how the guy didn't deserve the girl because he cheated on her when they were on a temporary break. She says back that she doesn't think that cheating because if they were on a break they weren't dating even if it was just temporary and she was very adamant about it, which raised the question in my mind. If she doesn't think thats cheating, then if she's done anything with guys over the break she's just gonna avoid telling me because in her mind she doesn't consider it cheating.... sooooo everyone what are yall thinking about my situation? I have a very strong gut feeling that she has done something with someone over the break. It's just gonna be a matter of if I can get her to tell me or not. Should I press on the situation to try to get her to break? I really don't want to break up with her, but if she's hooking up with other guys and stuff clearly she's not that into me anymore. What should I do?
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Old 01-10-2018, 11:42 AM
 
10 posts, read 7,361 times
Reputation: 26
Also let it be known, I am older than her by 2 years. I just do not attend college anymore, but am going back next year. She's gonna transfer to the college I plan on attending...
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Old 01-10-2018, 11:47 AM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
49,932 posts, read 59,725,995 times
Reputation: 98359
Here's another way to look at it:

She said she wanted to take a break.

You refused and then hounded her over the Christmas holiday.

Now YOU want to have a talk and say that YOU are sick of being treated poorly?

FTR, you need to break up. She is not happy with the relationship and yes, probably tempted by another guy but doesn't want to hurt your feelings and tell you.

End it as graciously as you can.
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Old 01-10-2018, 11:48 AM
 
Location: Scottsdale, AZ
16,961 posts, read 17,279,661 times
Reputation: 30256
Move on to better things.

BTW: any time a woman is breaking things off to "find herself" its because of another guy. Lol
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Old 01-10-2018, 11:48 AM
 
3,271 posts, read 2,178,315 times
Reputation: 2458
I'm sorry, but your girl is probably banging other guys. About 100% chance.
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Old 01-10-2018, 11:54 AM
 
35,521 posts, read 17,797,712 times
Reputation: 50529
There's a line in Gone With The Wind, "why must you make me say things that hurt you"?

She's trying not to say bold things that hurt you. She's hoping you'll take the hint and let her go.

You're not picking up on her clear but cowardly communication.

She doesn't want to be exclusive. She wants to take "breaks" so she can have other guys.

Move on. She has.
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Old 01-10-2018, 11:54 AM
 
Location: Central Virginia
6,531 posts, read 8,332,557 times
Reputation: 18649
Quote:
Originally Posted by BirdieBelle View Post
Here's another way to look at it:

She said she wanted to take a break.

You refused and then hounded her over the Christmas holiday.

Now YOU want to have a talk and say that YOU are sick of being treated poorly?

FTR, you need to break up. She is not happy with the relationship and yes, probably tempted by another guy but doesn't want to hurt your feelings and tell you.

End it as graciously as you can.
This ^, OP.


She wanted a break from you but you continued to text and FaceTime her on a daily basis. Even going so far as to interrogate her when she didn't respond. "Where were you? Who were you with? When did you leave? When did you get back?" Not to mention this a girl you've been dating for only four months.

End it, OP. And learn to respect boundaries.
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Old 01-10-2018, 11:56 AM
 
Location: Pittsburgh
29,687 posts, read 34,216,632 times
Reputation: 76863
It's a bummer, but you've only been dating for four months, so it's about the time when the novelty wears off and things start getting real. It sounds like she wants to be a college student and hang out on campus and meet people, not deal with a boyfriend who's an hour away and isn't part of the same scene. That's okay. You can break up relatively easily and go on to find someone whose motives and actions you're not questioning all the time. It'll be better for both of you.
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Old 01-10-2018, 12:18 PM
 
Location: Washington, DC
4,178 posts, read 2,636,642 times
Reputation: 3659
Quote:
Originally Posted by struggling23 View Post
Hey guys,
This is my first post on this forum. I had been dating this girl for 4 months. She's in college and I am not. I live less than an hour away from where she goes. So pretty much, we had been awesome together for our whole relationship. Never really fought, just little disagreements we had every once and a while. Nothing major. I get blind sided by her wanting a break RIGHT before she leaves for Christmas break, keep in mind she would already be 4 hours away from me. She tells me she still loves me, but needs time to "find herself".

Before I get into the story there was this guy that had been calling her late at night. I didn't let it bother me for a while, but once it continued for a few weeks I expressed how it bothered me and she got very upset. She claims they are just friends and he calls her multiple times a night to talk about his ex girlfriend..... every single night. After I told her it bothered me, she allegedly blocked his number. I was hanging with her the night before she left and sure enough, her phone starts ringing. She says she wasn't going to answer it and she didn't care who it was. Well, I obviously knew who it was and knew she wasn't telling the truth about blocking his number. Just to confirm my suspicion she got up to go to the bathroom and I went and looked at her phone and sure enough it was the guy she said she blocked. He had called her 3 times and texted her twice. I didn't say a word about it when she came back in, but she could tell I was livid. The rest the night passes and later that night I went home.
Back to my point, the next day she texts me saying we need to talk and then says she wants to take a break... but only over Christmas break we were still gonna talk over the break, but technically wouldn't be dating and then we can"pick back up where we left off" when she gets back to school. I said I wanted us to stay exclusive and she said thats fine, but its not fair of you to say that to me. I didn't understand what that meant. I was pissed because obviously I go straight to thinking she's gonna cheat on me. So like we said she still talked to me everyday and facetimed me and what not, but multiple nights she would go MIA and not respond at all then text me the next day and say things like "oh I went to a movie by myself and my phone died" I asked when she went and when she got back and she claimed she didn't know. I was suspicious as hell. So off and on she had been ignoring me for long periods of time then answering me acting like nothing ever happened. So New Years Eve rolls around and obviously we were not gonna get to be together. She was going to a big party with some friends from high school at a house. She had been answering me all day, but right when she started drinking I never heard from her the rest of the night. I was pissed so I let it be know over text. She texted me the next morning and said her phone was in her pocket, but she had posted snapchat stories. So I say well you posted snapchat stories did you not see my texts? She then says oh well I saw them but I didn't respond to anyone the whole night. BTW, the snapchat stories were off some guy friend she had a thing with for like a month the previous summer, but it didn't work out. He goes to the same college as her and I have hung out with him many times. I wasn't too worried about the snapchat stories but they did seem kinda touchy in them and I saw pictures on Facebook of his arm all around her. So once again I'm obviously suspicious. Of course when alcohol is involved its very easy for something to happen especially with an old fling on NYE.
A week or so ago, I finally had enough and said we needed to talk. So she facetimed me and I told her I was sick of being treated I mean nothing to her and how I was very suspicious of what she had been doing over the break because she had been so shady towards me. She starts crying and admits to me that she had been ignoring me on purpose, but couldn't give me a reason why, but she swears she didn't cheat on me.
So last night, we were talking about a tv show and I was talking about how the guy didn't deserve the girl because he cheated on her when they were on a temporary break. She says back that she doesn't think that cheating because if they were on a break they weren't dating even if it was just temporary and she was very adamant about it, which raised the question in my mind. If she doesn't think thats cheating, then if she's done anything with guys over the break she's just gonna avoid telling me because in her mind she doesn't consider it cheating.... sooooo everyone what are yall thinking about my situation? I have a very strong gut feeling that she has done something with someone over the break. It's just gonna be a matter of if I can get her to tell me or not. Should I press on the situation to try to get her to break? I really don't want to break up with her, but if she's hooking up with other guys and stuff clearly she's not that into me anymore. What should I do?
Dude...she already HAS broken up with you. When a girl wants a break to "find herself", she means "she wants to find other guys to date and it's not you.". She was letting you down nice.You really need to just relax, and let go of this girl. Bottom line, you AREN'T together. She CAN go out with other dudes and hook up if she wants. It's not up to you to say, so you being all suspicious and questioning her is just ridiculous and makes you look insecure and silly.


You need to LAY the F off. You're all over this girl and not giving her space. Dude, this is probably WHY she wants a "break" from you to begin with. Just reading this makes me feel like I can't breathe around you, and I'm a dude. You're so worried about her talking to other dudes that you are literally pushing her to go and talk to other dudes. Why would she want to be with someone who goes through her phone, constantly questions who she's talking to, asking where she is, who she's with, etc. You aren't giving this girl a chance to breathe!


This isn't a bad reflection on her, this is a bad reflection on you. With your actions, you are pushing this girl into another guys arms. She's most likely complaining to another dude about your super inquisitive actions, and that guy most likely going to hook up with your ex. Because she's just that...your ex. You're just in denial, but she ended it with you before her break.


Lay off, seriously. Give the girl a chance to breathe. Stop calling her and let her call you and just go about your life unless she comes back to you. Not the other way around.
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Old 01-10-2018, 12:19 PM
 
3,271 posts, read 2,178,315 times
Reputation: 2458
Man, why are you not in college? I'm assuming you're in the same age category. Work on yourself. If you don't have money for college, join the military. Chances are, after 4 years, you'll have a degree, plenty of money, have veteran status and desirable job skills.

Just pick a career field that you think might have considerable upside, and maybe to a lesser extent, one that you enjoy.

Forget this chicken head. Work on yourself. Based on your initial post, it sounds like you are on the weak side when it comes to relationships.

You gotta take control of that boat, but you gotta grow up and be a man. Go out and be a man.
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