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She started working in my company back in July last year.
She and I knew each other from work, collaborated on some projects and there was definitely attraction between us. I knew then she was married and during lunch one day we chatted about our lives growing up, relationships. She told me then that she wasn't happy in her marriage but was trying to make things work. We kept things friendly and we were then good friends. I could sense she was attracted to me and I was attracted to her as well but we never crossed that line.
Last week of August me and a group of friends from work were going to happy hour. Went to a bar nearby. I noticed she was there with some female friends of hers. We joined our groups and had a good time. I offered to give her a ride home. While driving there she told me she had separated from her husband and that they were going to get a divorce. I was sympathetic and offered some advice since I'm divorced and had a marriage fail already. Took her to the front of her building and said goodbye. We looked at each other as we were standing in front of her building, I pulled her close to me and gave her a kiss. It took her by surprise but she returned the kiss. I drove home.
Next week we went out. We definitely were attracted to each other and the kiss sparked something in us. We went out after that at least once a week and saw each other at work during lunch. I felt weird about starting something wit her being that she was still married. In my experience, it's never good to get attached to someone in that situation because they usually go back to their partners.
We kept going out, having a good time and we definitely had lot of chemistry and things in common. She said the L word. I was not there yet but could feel that I was falling for her.
Then in November something good and bad happened. I was promoted at work. Problem was that she became one of my direct reports. I took the promotion. I had worked hard for it but knew then I had to stop seeing her because of my new role in the company. We talked about things and agreed to not see each other because it was too dangerous and we could get fired.
We tried but we were too attracted to each other and would miss each other and go out, not as much as before but at least twice a month.
That's the situation I'm in.
She told me her husband is making a push for them to get back together. They have a kid and I would hate to be the reason why a family is broken. I told her I felt she needed to think things through and if there is any chance things can work out with him the should try. I said that but obviously it was hurting me to think she could be with someone else.
She said she didn't love him and loves me.
I'm not sure what to do here.
We work together. That's a big problem. Either she would need to move to another position or I would have to.
Then there's the situation with her marriage. I almost feel like we shouldn't be together until she gets a divorce.
There's also trust issues with me. She's so attractive and I see guys at work interested. It's always in the back of my mind that her and I did things soon after she separated. I hate to judge and perhaps I'm being too judgmental but I wish we had not done anything until much later. It just makes me think she could do the same to me with someone else if we were to get into a relationship and have problems.
So right now we are on a break. She texts me that she misses me and I miss her too.
If she files for divorce that would show she is serious about wanting to be with me.
She says she has started looking for other jobs and I've also looked at postings in other departments of the company.
Any advice is appreciated guys. This is obviously not an ideal situation. I feel like she has many good traits and I love being with her. Not sure if things would work out or not but it may be worth a shot.
She started working in my company back in July last year.
She and I knew each other from work, collaborated on some projects and there was definitely attraction between us. I knew then she was married and during lunch one day we chatted about our lives growing up, relationships. She told me then that she wasn't happy in her marriage but was trying to make things work. We kept things friendly and we were then good friends. I could sense she was attracted to me and I was attracted to her as well but we never crossed that line.
Last week of August me and a group of friends from work were going to happy hour. Went to a bar nearby. I noticed she was there with some female friends of hers. We joined our groups and had a good time. I offered to give her a ride home. While driving there she told me she had separated from her husband and that they were going to get a divorce. I was sympathetic and offered some advice since I'm divorced and had a marriage fail already. Took her to the front of her building and said goodbye. We looked at each other as we were standing in front of her building, I pulled her close to me and gave her a kiss. It took her by surprise but she returned the kiss. I drove home.
Next week we went out. We definitely were attracted to each other and the kiss sparked something in us. We went out after that at least once a week and saw each other at work during lunch. I felt weird about starting something wit her being that she was still married. In my experience, it's never good to get attached to someone in that situation because they usually go back to their partners.
We kept going out, having a good time and we definitely had lot of chemistry and things in common. She said the L word. I was not there yet but could feel that I was falling for her.
Then in November something good and bad happened. I was promoted at work. Problem was that she became one of my direct reports. I took the promotion. I had worked hard for it but knew then I had to stop seeing her because of my new role in the company. We talked about things and agreed to not see each other because it was too dangerous and we could get fired.
We tried but we were too attracted to each other and would miss each other and go out, not as much as before but at least twice a month.
That's the situation I'm in.
She told me her husband is making a push for them to get back together. They have a kid and I would hate to be the reason why a family is broken. I told her I felt she needed to think things through and if there is any chance things can work out with him the should try. I said that but obviously it was hurting me to think she could be with someone else.
She said she didn't love him and loves me.
I'm not sure what to do here.
We work together. That's a big problem. Either she would need to move to another position or I would have to.
Then there's the situation with her marriage. I almost feel like we shouldn't be together until she gets a divorce.
There's also trust issues with me. She's so attractive and I see guys at work interested. It's always in the back of my mind that her and I did things soon after she separated. I hate to judge and perhaps I'm being too judgmental but I wish we had not done anything until much later. It just makes me think she could do the same to me with someone else if we were to get into a relationship and have problems.
So right now we are on a break. She texts me that she misses me and I miss her too.
If she files for divorce that would show she is serious about wanting to be with me.
She says she has started looking for other jobs and I've also looked at postings in other departments of the company.
Any advice is appreciated guys. This is obviously not an ideal situation. I feel like she has many good traits and I love being with her. Not sure if things would work out or not but it may be worth a shot.
It is not worth a shot.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say that the best times you two have had together are behind you.
The facts? She's married, she has a child, she works for you, and you have serious insecurity issues.
You've had a nice little affair, and you need to leave it at that. Anything going forward will only bring pain. Serious, real pain.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say that the best times you two have had together are behind you.
The facts? She's married, she has a child, she works for you, and you have serious insecurity issues.
You've had a nice little affair, and you need to leave it at that. Anything going forward will only bring pain. Serious, real pain.
Thanks for the reply.
Logically, I know what I should do.
She has shown me more love in a couple of months than my ex did in years of marriage. I feel like she could be the one. That's why I'm giving this so much thought. Of course, we would need to solve the work situation and her relationship. But I would her to end it if that's what she wants to do without me influencing it.
She has shown me more love in a couple of months than my ex did in years of marriage. I feel like she could be the one. That's why I'm giving this so much thought. Of course, we would need to solve the work situation and her relationship. But I would her to end it if that's what she wants to do without me influencing it.
I know you believe that's love.
I would like to suggest that you are reading into this situation something that isn't really there. You are letting your past pain blind you to the reality of what is happening.
She is using you to mask her own problems.
You need to resolve whatever happened to you before so that you can be a complete person in your next relationship and see things as they are, not as you wish them to be.
I know it's best we stop until all these issues get resolved. Like you said saying one thing and doing is another.
If she actually goes through with it then it would mean she's serious.
Thanks Birdie.
Sure
I KNOW it sucks. But you HAVE to use your head right now.
You have a promotion, which is a big deal, and she has a child, which is huge. You two haven't even known each other a year. Try to do whatever you can to dial this back and keep your head in the game.
I KNOW it sucks. But you HAVE to use your head right now.
You have a promotion, which is a big deal, and she has a child, which is huge. You two haven't even known each other a year. Try to do whatever you can to dial this back and keep your head in the game.
Good luck
It sure sucks.
Thanks.
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