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I remember when I was dating being stuck with all these real quiet girls who did not think it was a problem to stop talking for long periods of time on our first or second date. I panicked and tried to find something to talk about but silence to them did not make them ill at ease and they did not see it as a problem. Do you get ill at ease if on a first date you are eating or having drinks and you run out of things to say?
PC I am recognizing the fact that a lot of your posts are starting with.. pauses in conversation... are you having issues having conversations with people? It may be the fact that you are trying to be politcally correct and are having a hard time finding the words to say to be politically correct.. Just go out and be yourself.. if someone dont like what you are saying.. its their loss anyways.. move on to the next !!!
PC I am recognizing the fact that a lot of your posts are starting with.. pauses in conversation... are you having issues having conversations with people? It may be the fact that you are trying to be politcally correct and are having a hard time finding the words to say to be politically correct.. Just go out and be yourself.. if someone dont like what you are saying.. its their loss anyways.. move on to the next !!!
Well, I agree with the above post. We all try to do good on our first date or two with someone new. And, it's true that most of us can't seem to treat the person like we've known them for a long time. There just needs to be a balance between serious talk, and the clowning around type talk. And, we never know what a new person has going on in their lives. I'm a blabber myself, and in the beginning, that wasn't real good for the woman I was with. She was struggling with problems I had no way of knowing about. As time went on though, she trusted me with a little more private information. The whole problem was that I took it for granted that since I didn't have a bunch of heavy duty stuff on my mind, then she wouldn't have either. There is such a thing as trying too hard, and, too early to win someones heart. I backed off, and told her to call me when she felt like talking. I did it in a gentle way, and I'm convinced that had I not done that, I would have driven her away from me for good. And, I did suffer some because of it, because there would be up to a week at a time when she wouldn't call me. But, I knew that she was the one I wanted, so I toughed it out. We have now been together about four years, and plan to be married this fall. So, my point is, if she is quiet, she may have things going on in her life that have her upset. If you think you really want the girl long-term like, then my advice is to just be patient, and try not to talk negative stuff about world affairs, past relationships etc. Keep things light, and fun. A quiet walk in a city park, or somewhere is better than a speechless evening in a resturant, or anywhere really. If she's not into that, a decent shopping mall can be a fun place. There you can just look, and maybe ask her advice about some sort of product or something. I think if conversation has stopped, then you're in the wrong place with her, or else the conversation has gotton either too silly, or too serious. That's my nickels worth on this.
I tried to rep you STAX, but it wouldn't allow it yet!
i like someone who is comfortable with periods of silence
to me it is a red flag if they feel they have to fill every moment with talk or activity
if there are pauses.....and they've gone on long enough.....and I don't want to just talk to be talking....then asking the other person a question is a good approach, especially on a first or second date when there is so much to get to know about a person.
So there can be silence and that's OK for a while, enjoy the view, the flowers, smile, chew the food....then I can ask something like, "So when you were a little girl, what did you dream of doing? Did you always want to work in a lab?" or "Sounds like work is busy for you, what do you like best about your job?"
This allows me to learn more about the other person, without me having to do all the talking, and leads into other areas of interest and talk and future dates, like if she talks about an art project, "Ooooh, i've been wanting to see that Egypt exhibit have you seen it" and possibly plan to go.
If you think a person will be reserved on a first date, take her to a show or a movie. I never took a girl on a first date for a meal as i felt the meal got in the way of relaxed conversation on that important first date. Girls like a guy to have a sense of humour but not be a clown. They also like to have a guy ask about them and look interested. If you find that the date is gooing horrifically wrong then the only way out of it is to pretend to have a heart attack----- That will get you out of it. (lol)
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