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Without knowing more about you (mainly age) I can't say if your reaction is 'emotional' or not. But where is 'anywhere'? What about the journey? Must it always be about the destination? Of course it's going somewhere. You just don't know where. Why do you think she does... or should? You'll (both) get there soon enough. Sooner if you attempt to fix what ain't broken. IMO.
I think young or not, we do mostly know whether we hope things will keep intensifying and when we are must not feeling "it."
Yes, some relationships must have a "destination" if that is what the person wants. For that particular person, sure there is often a goal. And that is no crime.
If she really liked you, she would have already brought up the exclusivity conversation by now and gone out of her way to do so. Since she told you she's still "figuring things out", it probably means another guy is in the picture and you're just a convenient F-buddy. This won't end well. On to the next one.
Not to be argumentative about it but... what if you're right? What if the o.p. is only (in your vernacular) a convenient F-buddy? And? Is he prepared to be more than that at this point? Does he have a 3 carat Cubic Zirconium burning a hole, for her special finger? Does he have a corner office and $85K/yr coming in? Does he have $85K saved as the down-payment for the 4BR Colonial in Syosset, NY that him and her will live in after a suitable (short) period of engagement? I'm guessing no to all of the above. So what is the rush? Where is the urgency to get a signing deal worked out with his free agent hottie until all his ducks are in a row? I just don't get it. But that's me. Ignore me, I know nothing. Go ahead. Put some pressure on her for 'clarity'. Isn't that the other 'c' in engagement ring shopping? Carat, clarity... cost? <shrug>
Been hanging out with this woman for like 2 months, 12 dates.
everything has been good. she never flakes or cancels, actively tries to hang out, etc. hang out alot. i enjoy the sex, hopefully she does too lol. but she is normally pretty physical and escalates.
anyways, i told her around date 6-7, that i liked her and thought things were going well.
she didnt say anythign when i said i liked her. and she responded to me saying things were going well with "im having a good time"
however, afterwards, she did start textign me alot more.
fast forward a month. i bring it up again. i go, so where do you see us goiing? what do you think about us?
she goes "im still figuring that out. i dont think its time to stop hanging out."
im like do you see potential. she goes ya, and this is a good conversation to have, but lets ahve it next time. im pretty tired after that yoga class.(was a hard class)
At this point, I am starting to lose interest as I dont believe its going somewhere. Or is this a slightly emotional reaction?
Be clear about what you want. Discuss how you feel "next time" as she asked, and continue accordingly.
Not to be argumentative about it but... what if you're right? What if the o.p. is only (in your vernacular) a convenient F-buddy? And? Is he prepared to be more than that at this point? Does he have a 3 carat Cubic Zirconium burning a hole, for her special finger? Does he have a corner office and $85K/yr coming in? Does he have $85K saved as the down-payment for the 4BR Colonial in Syosset, NY that him and her will live in after a suitable (short) period of engagement? I'm guessing no to all of the above. So what is the rush? Where is the urgency to get a signing deal worked out with his free agent hottie until all his ducks are in a row? I just don't get it. But that's me. Ignore me, I know nothing. Go ahead. Put some pressure on her for 'clarity'. Isn't that the other 'c' in engagement ring shopping? Carat, clarity... cost? <shrug>
Uh...he may just want exclusivity.
BTW, my husband didn't have ANY of that, nor did I, when we married. We fully supported ourselves (we were already self-supporting) and were just fine, and today we do have a house, so...
But exclusivity doesn't have to mean marriage, for that matter. It just means the partners are fully committed to one another and aren't lukewarm.
You sound...aggravated. And overexcited. Do you have a horse in this race? Why would you be this upset at the thought of someone wanting a two-way, equally invested relationship? It is a reasonable thing for a person to want.
NOT wanting to be an F-buddy to someone for whom you actually have stronger feelings isn't unreasonable, either.
She may not know what she wants but, she knows what she doesn't want.
Your a friend with benefits, probably financial.
Like watching a rerun because there is nothing 'better' on TV at the moment.
I doubt the underlined. Where would that have come from? - I didn't see anything that hinted of that. Just curious.
There's no reason based on what the OP has given us to assume ill intent or usury on the part of this girl. She is going out with someone, not really feeling "it" but hesitant to break up. There can be a lot of reasons for this. Who knows? Sometimes we think we "should" like someone back because he ticks off all the boxes but it's just not there...then it's hard to just bam, let go.
There's no reason to jump to any conclusion right now. It may just not be a 100% match.
Im not saying anything negative about her, my feeling was she liked me, but doesnt see potential for a relationship and is not mature enough to say it. so i feel like its time to move on
however, ive been the exact opposite of needy with this girl. It could of leaked thru subconciously or something, but i have taken things way slower than normal.
so, after a while, i have slowly started to wonder is she likes me, but doesnt want a relationship with me. which is fine, but i dont want to be hanging out with someone 3x's a week who sees 0 long term potential. setting myself up for ruin
Keep sleeping with her and start dating other women.
Im not saying anything negative about her, my feeling was she liked me, but doesnt see potential for a relationship and is not mature enough to say it. so i feel like its time to move on
This is mature of you and you seem to have a good head on your shoulders. I am sure you will find the perfect girl for you eventually. It will happen.
It could be she's just moving slowly. Maybe she's been burned before. Maybe she's a little scared. Two months is really not that long.
I'd say the most important question right now is whether or not she is willing to exclusively date you to see where it goes. If she is, give her more time. If she is willing to drop anyone else she is seeing (and she might not be seeing anyone else, if you're seeing her 2-3 times a week), then keep it going for a bit.
It's smart and healthy to move slowly and really get to know someone. Have you met any of her friends and family yet? There are other indications of how seriously she may take your relationship without being explicit about it.
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