Two months into dating,unrealistic expectations? (long-term, man, kids, feelings)
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If she really liked you, she would have already brought up the exclusivity conversation by now and gone out of her way to do so. Since she told you she's still "figuring things out", it probably means another guy is in the picture and you're just a convenient F-buddy. This won't end well. On to the next one.
Meh, not necessarily. Some people prefer waiting longer than 2 months to be exclusive.
To me, if she's going out on dates with you and showing she's into you in some way and keeping in constant communication - then I wouldn't worry about it.
Meh, not necessarily. Some people prefer waiting longer than 2 months to be exclusive.
Yeah, but they're probably feeling in the meantime...
Her answer...I don't know...it was such a non-answer. A total side-step from the question at all.
I can see "Where do I see it going? Well, I know I like to take things slow...but I also know I'm crazy about you" or "I have no idea what the future holds but I am excited to see where we go from here" or even "I think we're smart not to jump into a commitment, but please know, I do have feelings for you" as someone just smartly holding off from jumping into exclusivity. But he's not getting anything like that.
"I'm still figuring that out. I don't think it's time to stop hanging out." I mean...yikes. It's not time? It's probably going to be at some point, then...? When it's completely run dry or something? She didn't even just say "I DON'T WANT to stop hanging out." She said it's not time...that is one darned chilly answer. Girl has one foot out the door.
For him as with many guys I've known - good, quality guys, awesome guys, strong guys - sex without something more just gets hollow, and "I wish she loved me back" sex is even worse.
That's like some girl babbling "Girlfriend, WHAT? He has money. Money from some dude is every girl's ideal situation! Ha ha, use up his money until you find a BETTER guy with money...fist-bump!" when meanwhile...money just isn't that big a deal to the girl, she's seen money, she's spent it, big deal, BTDT...what she wants is a real actual relationship.
How is it a win-win for him when he isn't winning anything? Except probably developing deeper and deeper feelings over time the more times he's with her, only probably to be crushed eventually when SHE decides "Oh, all done, I found somebody I do want to be with...that was a win-win for me!"
I mean if I'm wrong about the intensity of his feelings then...no. Scratch that. I'm not wrong. I'd bet my left ovary on it.
You're a good guy, OP.
Right. Well he wins sex at the minimum. I guess my real advice is to not push for commitment and hope she comes around and developes feelings. In reality that probably won't happen with this guy, so it's up to him to confront her, end it, or just accept the commitment won't happen and keep the sex.
Right. Well he wins sex at the minimum. I guess my real advice is to not push for commitment and hope she comes around and developes feelings. In reality that probably won't happen with this guy, so it's up to him to confront her, end it, or just accept the commitment won't happen and keep the sex.
If he can stay with that while holding back his feelings and if he won't be heartbroken if it ends anyway then this could work. This will be up to the OP. I agree that the above are his choices.
If you're not on the same page with someone, date other people.
In this situation OP can start dating other women while he sleeps with this one. Maybe someone else will give him the type of relationship he is not getting from this woman. OR he can just tell her straight what he wants and if she isn't on the same page end it.
Life is too short to be in unsatisfying relationships. At least in my opinion.
we talked last night. she pretty much said that overall sometimes she feels like we have potentail. sometimes she doesnt.
she says we have different perspectives on things and soemtimes she doesnt relate to what i say. when i asked why sometimes she doesnt.
she said she wants to still keep seeing eachother, but would understand if i wanted to take a break. but she wanted to keep the door open for the future if thats what i decide.
i left it as ok, lets just hang out casually no expectations.
and she responded with(this irritated me some)
" i want to have this conversation in person the next time we hang out. i dont want to hang out casually indefinetely. I want to get out of the dating game lol"
my feelings:
1. the part where she keeps insisting that we have to agree to get together in the future, if i want to stop hanging out now is confusing.
2. the part where she wants to talk about all this in person next time as she doesnt want to hang out casually indiefnetely is confusing. i never even asked her to exclusive or said anything heavy. if she wasnt ready for anything, why not be like ok, lets hang out casually no expectations.
we talked last night. she pretty much said that overall sometimes she feels like we have potentail. sometimes she doesnt.
she says we have different perspectives on things and soemtimes she doesnt relate to what i say. when i asked why sometimes she doesnt.
she said she wants to still keep seeing eachother, but would understand if i wanted to take a break. but she wanted to keep the door open for the future if thats what i decide.
i left it as ok, lets just hang out casually no expectations.
and she responded with(this irritated me some)
" i want to have this conversation in person the next time we hang out. i dont want to hang out casually indefinetely. I want to get out of the dating game lol"
my feelings:
1. the part where she keeps insisting that we have to agree to get together in the future, if i want to stop hanging out now is confusing.
2. the part where she wants to talk about all this in person next time as she doesnt want to hang out casually indiefnetely is confusing. i never even asked her to exclusive or said anything heavy. if she wasnt ready for anything, why not be like ok, lets hang out casually no expectations.
Was this a text conversation? If so, have the conversation in person. So much can be misunderstood by text. I nearly had my current relationship blow up over text misunderstandings, but I kept my cool, had the conversation in person where things got resolved and we both were clear on expectations.
Was this a text conversation? If so, have the conversation in person. So much can be misunderstood by text. I nearly had my current relationship blow up over text misunderstandings, but I kept my cool, had the conversation in person where things got resolved and we both were clear on expectations.
Don't do this by text, I beg of you.
Agreed.
Things like this are better said in person (or if not possible at that time, then over the phone).
If you both would be madly in love, you would not only have 6 dates per month.
Just sayin ...
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