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That's not even what I'm saying at all, though. Never said anything about playing it cool, you did. You need to let a woman warmup and get comfortable with a guy. When she's ready, she'll wonder where it's gonna go, but if she's not the one asking or wondering about where it's going, chances are, she isn't interested yet in being exclusive.
Edit: OP, good for you. Seems like you were doing everything right, but she just wasn't interested. Best to just walk away and if she changes her mind and wants to be with you, be open to it. But it's good that you are keeping your options open.
Play or keep it cool, whatever you call it. If OP wants more with this woman, but doesn't come right out to express it he's playing cool. She's comfortable enough to sleep with him not just once, so what not.
Op, you're right to end it. By your response if you continue with it either she'll messed you up feeling frustrated, or you get emotionally invested with a sad ending.
That's a vague question so you got a vague answer. She might be uninterested or just don't know where this is all going. Be more upfront with your approach, she's unlikely to deflect the question if she wants to be exclusive.
I haven't read every page of this thread yet, but this.
OP, did you tell her how YOU feel before putting her on the spot? It is possible she said what she did when you asked because she wasn't sure what you were getting at. Actually, if a guy posed that question to me, I'd think he was questioning the relationship and hinting that he wanted to break up.
What you should have done was say, 'Hey, I really like you, and I'd like us to think about making 'us' a thing. Like a couple. What do you think about that?"
And I'll repeat, stop suggesting you "hang out," which sounds like you aren't AT ALL interested in her romantically, but as just a friend or FWB. If YOU are hoping women will take you seriously, you should be discussing "dates" and not "hanging out."
I don’t understand why so many on here think feelings need to be instant or develop quickly. Two months is nothing in the scheme of relationships. Just give it some time to develop...some actual time. I read this somewhere: good relationships are a marathon, not a sprint.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Originally Posted by Inacitysomewhere
I don’t understand why so many on here think feelings need to be instant or develop quickly. Two months is nothing in the scheme of relationships. Just give it some time to develop...some actual time. I read this somewhere: good relationships are a marathon, not a sprint.
True, and I can't speak for others, but if something isn't developing emotionally (something strong) by 2 mos, it doesn't develop after 6 or 12. Multiple times in my life I've kept dating someone I found attractive, smart, compatible with in a myriad of ways, etc (so I should give it more times since she was a great catch) and never once has it happened, despite me wishing it so.
True, and I can't speak for others, but if something isn't developing emotionally (something strong) by 2 mos, it doesn't develop after 6 or 12. Multiple times in my life I've kept dating someone I found attractive, smart, compatible with in a myriad of ways, etc (so I should give it more times since she was a great catch) and never once has it happened, despite me wishing it so.
I know many are like this, but not everyone. I’m very much the opposite. Different strokes.
Question though: if you keep dating them despite knowing how you operate...why? How ling until you end things? Just curious. I know oeople do this and I can’t figure out for the life of me why.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Question though: if you keep dating them despite knowing how you operate...why? How ling until you end things? Just curious. I know oeople do this and I can’t figure out for the life of me why.
Why? Because I like them, I like spending time with them, I'm attracted to them and who they are as people. I care about them (which isn't the same as being in love with them, of course). And that alone it hard enough to find. So, I continue dating them, all along hoping the deeper emotions will develop.
Also, "how I operate" hasn't exactly resulted in me finding what I'm looking for, so, at times, when the person is truly special, I try to operate in a different way, and hope for a different result.
But how long depends on the person and the situation.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Originally Posted by Inacitysomewhere
Are they ever blindsided by this?
I can't speak for them, but probably some have been. Others, where I maintained cordial relationships with revealed they felt something was missing to, on some level... later on.
I've definitely been blindsided by it when I was on the other side.
Why? Because I like them, I like spending time with them, I'm attracted to them and who they are as people. I care about them (which isn't the same as being in love with them, of course). And that alone it hard enough to find. So, I continue dating them, all along hoping the deeper emotions will develop.
Also, "how I operate" hasn't exactly resulted in me finding what I'm looking for, so, at times, when the person is truly special, I try to operate in a different way, and hope for a different result.
But how long depends on the person and the situation.
Are they ever blindsided by this?
What I meant is you know yourself, so why give it more time if you know you aren’t going to have feelings?
What is “in love”? I am asking a serious question here—but isn’t love caring for someone and wanting the best? I think it is over-used and am wondering if the reason people don’t find what they are looking for is because they are looking for something that is not lasting. Friendship, compatibility and caring, along with sexual attraction—what is the difference?
I am curious, not trying to be snarky. I have been thinking a lot about this lately. Seems to me that that is what love is.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,937 posts, read 36,951,955 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Inacitysomewhere
Are they ever blindsided by this?
What I meant is you know yourself, so why give it more time if you know you aren’t going to have feelings? .
I think I explained this "why".
Quote:
Originally Posted by Inacitysomewhere
What is “in love”? I am asking a serious question here—but isn’t love caring for someone and wanting the best? I think it is over-used and am wondering if the reason people don’t find what they are looking for is because they are looking for something that is not lasting. Friendship, compatibility and caring, along with sexual attraction—what is the difference?
I am curious, not trying to be snarky. I have been thinking a lot about this lately. Seems to me that that is what love is.
There is a huge difference, to me, in loving someone, and being in love with them. A huge difference. If I could explain what being in love feels like, I'd be a poet for the ages.
But, there are plenty of people I find attractive, and are compatible with, and care about with people and am sexually attracted to that I won't ever fall in love with, but I can and do love as friends. These people generally fit best as FWBs in my life.
And yes, being in love, can be very lasting. I'm not talking about lust, or euphoria. I've definitely had the feeling with individuals for years, many years (one the better part of a decade) and both were people I wanted to marry.
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