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What I meant is you know yourself, so why give it more time if you know you aren’t going to have feelings?
What is “in love”? I am asking a serious question here—but isn’t love caring for someone and wanting the best? I think it is over-used and am wondering if the reason people don’t find what they are looking for is because they are looking for something that is not lasting. Friendship, compatibility and caring, along with sexual attraction—what is the difference?
I am curious, not trying to be snarky. I have been thinking a lot about this lately. Seems to me that that is what love is.
Here's my take, FWIW.
If you have to convince yourself (not you, Inacitysomewhere, but the general "you") with logic like the above, you're pushing things to be "okay" even though something is missing.
IMO and IME, when it's there...it's there. It may not be there in 5 minutes, no, LOL. But...one doesn't have to logic it to an extreme in order to think "yes, this relationship is right." SOME introspection, absolutely, but...then there's a place where that crosses a line to: sometimes even if all the elements are technically in place, all the boxes are checked of...it just isn't "the one" as far as relationships go.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JerZ
but...then there's a place where that crosses a line to: sometimes even if all the elements are technically in place, all the boxes are checked of...it just isn't "the one" as far as relationships go.
It happens.
Yes, yes it does. And it really sucks, because it is really hard to find all those things coming together, and often you (I, or a person) really really wants to be in love with such a person because of all these great components, and it working so well, but it's just not there... it's really a downer.
Breaking up with someone because something is "wrong" is much easier.
Yes, yes it does. And it really sucks, because it is really hard to find all those things coming together, and often you (I, or a person) really really wants to be in love with such a person because of all these great components, and it working so well, but it's just not there... it's really a downer.
Breaking up with someone because something is "wrong" is much easier.
I know. It really does.
There just has to be that extra...something. Checking off all the boxes down the columns doesn't an enduring romantic/sexual relationship make. And yes...it's harder to have to hurt someone who has been nothing but good and kind.
There just has to be that extra...something. Checking off all the boxes down the columns doesn't an enduring romantic/sexual relationship make. And yes...it's harder to have to hurt someone who has been nothing but good and kind.
My really good female friend from this past summer told me the same thing. She's in a relationship with a guy who had that extra something you speak of. She even told me that she loved me, and I checked off a lot of the right boxes for her, but from a relationship standpoint, something was just missing. She couldn't put a finger on to what was missing, but she knew I wasn't the long-term solution for her. I was a really good short-term fix for a long-term problem.
In hindsight, I'm kinda glad it worked out, whether it was in my favor or not in my favor. It gave me the opportunity to look at my life and make some decisions on how it will look going forward. As much as I cared about her, I had to respect her wishes and let her move on. Now she's with someone who makes her happy and gives her that extra something.
Sometimes life just doesn't work out the way that we intended and no matter how hard we push for things to be different, they may just stay the same.
she said sometimes she feels like we have a connection, but other times we dont do having different perspective on things.
for example, i said my biggest concern at work is getting fired. she says hers is doing a bad job. I dont worry about doing a bad job, as im pretty established in my career.
anyways, difference in perspectives like this were a big deal to her.
she also mentioned a few other off hand tiny comments as red flags to her. for example, i recently had heart surgery at 31 years old. when i returned to work, my new boss was on my ass and told me that i had to work more hours then both HR and the VP of our group said i could work when i returned to work early. he wanted me to work 55 right back from heart surgery, it was agreed on prior to my return that I could work 20 and under no circumstance could i work hours outside of business hours. remember, this was my first week back from heart surgery. He got officially reprimanded by HR by telling me that i was not allowed to leave work until certain assignments were done(13 horu days)
she said it was a huge red flag that i had a conflict at work. and argued that he was in the right and i should of done what he said.
she also said that sometimes she was distant cuz she was seeing others, but wanted me to know that im the only guy she was sleeping with.
after reflecting on the situation, i ended things. I am glad i met up with her in person as i would of second guessed myself, but i felt the things she was holding over my head like i listed were so small and that she was being extremely judgmental and i was not going to have fun hanging out with her going forward when i cant talk about things like this for her.
also, i felt like she put little effort into dating me other than giving me tons of oral. like little contact if any between dates . for example, she would text me a pic of herself and id respond. and she would non respond. i felt like i was being used for validation rather than her actually wanting to talk to me.
i told her both of my above sentiments and said i dont think we are compatable romantically and left
Good decision. I agree with all that you addressed in your last post. Now you can find a woman who wants you for you without all the petty immaturity.
i dont second guess my decision at all. the only thing i wonder is if i was just too nice to this woman and she thought she could walk all over me and come and go as she pleases.
i dont second guess my decision at all. the only thing i wonder is if i was just too nice to this woman and she thought she could walk all over me and come and go as she pleases.
IMO, this reflects on her poor character more than you.
i dont second guess my decision at all. the only thing i wonder is if i was just too nice to this woman and she thought she could walk all over me and come and go as she pleases.
She was digging for tiny bits because she couldn't give the real reason. You were a good company until someone better comes along. She was ridding cow looking for horse, good that you ended it.
She was digging for tiny bits because she couldn't give the real reason. You were a good company until someone better comes along. She was ridding cow looking for horse, good that you ended it.
the weird thing was that i gave her an easy out when i kinda spazzed over text and ended things.and she texted me all week convincing me to meet up . from my experience, normally when women are just stringing you along, they dont put up with any of that bs.
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