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Hmm, did some searching on CD. Y'all read the OP's posting history? Do y'all know the full picture? This is a woman who works in the fast food industry, lives in a motel, and can barely manage a subsistence level life. She's had an impoverished life, with at least one bout of homelessness. The gorging and food hoarding is a pretty typical response to that sort of life experience. She has learned behavior -- eat as much as you can, especially if it's free. So it is understandable from that perspective.
However, this does get weird when you throw in the dating dynamic. This guy has flat out said he's not interested in a relationship; he just wants to date (and have sex). So he's not really vested in her the way a relationship-oriented guy would be. Another factor. (And a separate issue, because based on other posts, I don't think she will be able to handle a "casual" hookup sitch with him.)
And finally, I'm laughing at all the "bravo for not giving in to the pressure to be ladylike" posts. This doesn't sound like normal eating. This is gorging and borders on glutinous. Even if OP was a guy, I would still say it's unappealing. It says, "I have issues. I have no self control." It also smacks a bit of taking advantage of his generosity.Sure, he's being "cool" and polite about it. He's trying to get laid. Duh.
Hmm, did some searching on CD. Y'all read the OP's posting history? Do y'all know the full picture? This is a woman who works in the fast food industry, lives in a motel, and can barely manage a subsistence level life. She's had an impoverished life, with at least one bout of homelessness. The gorging and food hoarding is a pretty typical response to that sort of life experience. She has learned behavior -- eat as much as you can, especially if it's free. So it is understandable from that perspective.
However, this does get weird when you throw in the dating dynamic. This guy has flat out said he's not interested in a relationship; he just wants to date (and have sex). So he's not really vested in her the way a relationship-oriented guy would be. Another factor. (And a separate issue, because based on other posts, I don't think she will be able to handle a "casual" hookup sitch with him.)
And finally, I'm laughing at all the "bravo for not giving in to the pressure to be ladylike" posts. This doesn't sound like normal eating. This is gorging and borders on glutinous. Even if OP was a guy, I would still say it's unappealing. It says, "I have issues. I have no self control." It also smacks a bit of taking advantage of his generosity.Sure, he's being "cool" and polite about it. He's trying to get laid. Duh.
She has acknowledged that she eats too much too fast. Sounds like she's trying to get a handle on it. I don't see how it's helpful for everyone to give their moral judgements on the whole thing.
I offered suggestions on how to slow down, and not be ravenous on the date. You got anything helpful?
Hmm, did some searching on CD. Y'all read the OP's posting history? Do y'all know the full picture? This is a woman who works in the fast food industry, lives in a motel, and can barely manage a subsistence level life. She's had an impoverished life, with at least one bout of homelessness. The gorging and food hoarding is a pretty typical response to that sort of life experience. She has learned behavior -- eat as much as you can, especially if it's free. So it is understandable from that perspective.
Yes, many of us have advised her through other tough situations.
Quote:
Originally Posted by skaternum
However, this does get weird when you throw in the dating dynamic. This guy has flat out said he's not interested in a relationship; he just wants to date (and have sex). So he's not really vested in her the way a relationship-oriented guy would be. Another factor. (And a separate issue, because based on other posts, I don't think she will be able to handle a "casual" hookup sitch with him.)
Many of us pointed out these concerns in this thread but were brushed off by other posters as "negative."
Quote:
Originally Posted by skaternum
And finally, I'm laughing at all the "bravo for not giving in to the pressure to be ladylike" posts. This doesn't sound like normal eating. This is gorging and borders on glutinous. Even if OP was a guy, I would still say it's unappealing. It says, "I have issues. I have no self control." It also smacks a bit of taking advantage of his generosity.Sure, he's being "cool" and polite about it. He's trying to get laid. Duh.
Absolutely. And the tipoff is that not only does he "not mind," he is encouraging the unhealthy behavior, which to me proves his interests are purely selfish.
She has acknowledged that she eats too much too fast. Sounds like she's trying to get a handle on it. I don't see how it's helpful for everyone to give their moral judgements on the whole thing.
I offered suggestions on how to slow down, and not be ravenous on the date. You got anything helpful?
It's not a ravenous thing it's a will power thing. I could see being ravenous at the first stop of the date, but after eating there and going to location #2 your brain and stomach have time to know you are full yet she still ordered multiple snacks, then on to location #3 where she again chose to eat.
I know sometimes you want it all, I do too, but it's not healthy to eat everything in sight even after you have filled your belly. Try getting several appetizer plates to share, or a tasting menu if the restaurant has one. Just enough to get a taste of several things without having a full plate sitting in front of you. And ONE soda, if any at all, then water.
[quote=jjrose;50876586]It's not a ravenous thing it's a will power thing. I could see being ravenous at the first stop of the date, but after eating there and going to location #2 your brain and stomach have time to know you are full yet she still ordered multiple snacks, then on to location #3 where she again chose to eat again.
I know sometimes you want it all, I do too, but it's not healthy to eat everything in sight even after you have filled your belly. Try getting several appetizer plates to share, or a tasting menu if the restaurant has one. Just enough to get a taste of several things without having a full plate sitting in front of you. And ONE soda, if any at all, then water.[/quote]
Yeah, Upsadaisy...If you're drinking regular soda (as opposed to diet soda) that soda is messing with your blood sugar, which is part of the feeling hungry all the time.
You drink the soda, your blood sugar spikes, and then it drops fast, and you're feeling ravenous again. And then you drink another regular soda, and the cycle repeats.
It's just another one of those things that make it really hard to get a handle on your appetite.
Absolutely. And the tipoff is that not only does he "not mind," he is encouraging the unhealthy behavior, which to me proves his interests are purely selfish.
Yep, but he's been honest about that. If he's not interested in a relationship, and told her so, there is nothing that needs proving. She's getting stuffed with the stuff she likes, and we can only assume he gets temporary physical comfort in return.
In the end, based on the OP's original question, taken at face value without a psychological breakdown of past posts, to me -
such behavior is a turn off coming from either party. It definitely shows no self control.
What I don't get is why worry about it? What's the point of the question? Its not like a change in her behavior will make him change his mind about wanting a relationship, since he stated from the start that he doesn't want one with her. You have to find someone who wants a relationship to worry about what they think of your behavior, imho. Otherwise, except for self respect, it really doesn't matter in this scenario.
Last edited by ComeCloser; 01-31-2018 at 08:00 AM..
What I don't get is why worry about it? Its not like a change in her behavior will make him change his mind about wanting a relationship, since he stated from the start that he doesn't want one.
That's the part that those of us who are familiar with her history are trying to point out.
Yeah he's being honest about his intentions, but he also could be taking advantage of her situation. Or using her situation for his benefit, which is not exactly honorable.
She does not seem like the kind of person equipped for this kind of transactional situation.
Last edited by BirdieBelle; 01-31-2018 at 08:27 AM..
She has acknowledged that she eats too much too fast. Sounds like she's trying to get a handle on it. I don't see how it's helpful for everyone to give their moral judgements on the whole thing.
I offered suggestions on how to slow down, and not be ravenous on the date. You got anything helpful?
Yeah, exercise self-control. Seriously. Recognize the psychological basis for the behavior and change the behavior. And I'm not making moral judgments. I'm trying to acknowledge that this situation isn't as simple or straight forward as the original post or thread title would imply. It's complicated, based on her life experiences.
For the record, I also don't think she's equipped to handle this type of scenario. No part of it -- neither the food, nor the casualness.
I am just worried about OP, because I too read her posting history.
She wants real relationship that would lead to something finally positive in her life. She is religious, family oriented - wants marriage and kids.
This guy is just a temporary thing. All that food comfort in exchange for sex will leave her sad and even more lonely when he leaves her.
He doesn't care about her, or her health, and he will be gone soon. She will get fancy meals for a while, and then it stops. She might fall in love with him being so nice and generous, and after it ends she will be heartbroken.
I hope they are smart and use protection.
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