How Common are Threesomes? (marriages, man, young, divorce)

[geeoro]

If what other people do is NOT illegal or sadistic then if it does not affect you it should be their own business. We all tend to judge other people. We also can judge other people and then go do the same thing ourselves. Consideration of others is important too. So many guys think that once they have got their partners to agree in threesomes or any other sexual experience, that the partner is going to enjoy it or be ok with it. It can blow up in their faces oh so easily. If your relationship is failing and you think that by spicing it up will save it, you are lost. You can only indulge in these "fantasies" if you are in a very strong relationship. If your partner also decides that it should stop, then it should stop. It can be a problem when one of the partners decide they have had enough and the other has become addicted to it.

[mishigas73]

Originally Posted by geeoro

If your relationship is failing and you think that by spicing it up will save it, you are lost. You can only indulge in these "fantasies" if you are in a very strong relationship.

Absolutely, on both counts.

Most of the occasions when I've heard about these things going pear-shaped is when one partner (most often the woman) feels coerced, or otherwise is not "gung-ho" about it. Inevitably, it brings an irreparable rift into the relationship.

In the case of the vast majority of people, it's probably better that these things remain in the realm of fantasy.

[geeoro]

If anyone on here believes that threesomes or other sexual experiences are wierd or terrible then DON'T DO IT! Believe me it is quite common to have multi partner sex or to go "doggin" or to indulge in vouyer sex. It is not wierd or disgraceful. It is another persons preference. You cannot put your "morality" onto other people. As long as you are not forced into experiencing it with them against your will, then as long as it isn't one of the taboo acts that i mentioned before, it really is no one elses right to judge it.

[mishigas73]

Originally Posted by geeoro

As long as you are not forced into experiencing it with them against your will, then as long as it isn't one of the taboo acts that i mentioned before, it really is no one elses right to judge it.

Geeoro, I fear you're wasting your breath with this. Although you know that I agree wholeheartedly, it seems that it's part of human nature, especially in the realm of sexuality, to make judgments about the relationships of others, and look down their noses at them.

I've never quite figured out why something that doesn't affect them in any way would cause such a reaction, but it does. Maybe these people have the inside track to the "perfect relationship"? Or, maybe they want to convince themselves that they do, by saying "well, at least I don't do THAT"? (I have a feeling it's more often the latter...)

Anyway, the old saying "to each their own" is lost on too many people. Unfortunate.

[geeoro]

I find men dressing up in womens clothes a bit peculiar but it isn't my place to judge. I find women just doing it in the Missionary postion just because their husband thinks all other positions sinful is peculiar too, but again who am i to judge. Goes back to different strokes for different folks. If you force your wife into a life of sexual boredom, that is more wrong than having a healthy sexual relationship that you both agree on.

[geeoro]

I agree with you mishigas. I have spoken to quite a few people on this topic and have normally found that it is Fear based or insecurity that makes them scornful of new experiences. Sex to some people is something that you do as a part of marriage or to have children or to feel a "man". They feel that sex should be "eaten with a kinife and fork". I once spoke to a girl who's husband felt it was disgraceful to have sex out of the bed. So as we both agree it takes all sorts.

[robertpolyglot]

Originally Posted by mishigas73

Hmmm....just as I made a comment about judging people. It's nice not to be disappointed.

I'm not judging them as to whether they can or can't do it...or whether I would want to do lunch or have coffee with them...as friends or coworkers, I might dig them.

I'm only judging/analyzing as to what could be going on in their world that brings this on. While it's "to each their own," it is far from standard and could undermine many otherwise monogamous relationships.

[geeoro]

A monogomous

[mishigas73]

Originally Posted by robertpolyglot

While it's "to each their own," it is far from standard and could undermine many otherwise monogamous relationships.

I see where you're coming from, but in all of this, I wonder how this "standard" became some sort of ideal. With divorce rates over 50 percent, maybe the "standard" isn't something to strive for?

[geeoro]

A monogamous relationship is the basis of all good relationship. Sharing different sexual experiences with your partner, does not mean you are not monogamous. If you love your partner and both enjoy threesomes etc. you are still monogamous. To cheat behind your partners back or take more than one partner into a "shared love" situation is not monogamy. There is a subtle difference, but a difference all the same.