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Well I asked her if she would like to go on a date and she said im to busy today.. and than I said if she is free anytime this week and she said I dont know.. I feel like maybe I should move on to someone else at this point..
She maybe wasting your time or is being cautious. She is only 20 years old. Has she ever met anyone from online in person before? I doubt she has. You have to build trust it sounds like.
Also don't ask for a formal date. Something casual is better and less stressful.
If she isn't worth the chase then move on BUT why throw away when you can keep talking to her and meet other girls on the side? Nothing wrong with that since you're both single.
Well I asked her if she would like to go on a date and she said im to busy today.. and than I said if she is free anytime this week and she said I dont know.. I feel like maybe I should move on to someone else at this point..
What you are describing sounds like immaturity and lack of experience on her part. She also seems nervous about meeting you in person. Whatever the case is, you two clearly have different expectations when it comes to dating. It is much easier when you date people with similar expectations.
If you're ready to call it quits, I'd let her know in a respectful way. I'd tell her that you're really interested in meeting her in person, but you've expected to have done that by now. At this point, you would like to stay friends until she is ready to actually meet. Now the ball is on her court. In the meanwhile, I'd start chatting with other girls without telling her about them of course. If you end up meeting a more compatible girl, then I'd let this original girl know that a friendship between you two is no longer appropriate.
Last edited by urbancharlotte; 02-11-2018 at 02:35 AM..
Well I asked her if she would like to go on a date and she said im to busy today.. and than I said if she is free anytime this week and she said I dont know.. I feel like maybe I should move on to someone else at this point..
Well I asked her if she would like to go on a date and she said im to busy today.. and than I said if she is free anytime this week and she said I dont know.. I feel like maybe I should move on to someone else at this point..
Was your asking her still online? If she's unsure of you, maybe you could try phoning her and actually talking to her? For me, I would get a lot better sense of a person by hearing his voice than just by reading texts or emails (or worse, emojis) before actually agreeing to go on a date. YMMV.
Well I asked her if she would like to go on a date and she said im to busy today.. and than I said if she is free anytime this week and she said I dont know.. I feel like maybe I should move on to someone else at this point..
When it gets to that point - your would-be partner is already lost. When you have ask (and seek reinforcement from) an online forum you are already doing things the wrong way.
Trust your gut - if you are ignored or given noncommittal answers then just move on. There's plenty of fish in the sea.
Ok OP, here is how my 1st month of online dating strategy would play out.
Date 1-Introduce myself, establish a fun/friendly conversation, and then offer her a date/meeting place of her choice and preference.
Date 2-Introduce myself in person and then pick up the face-to-face conversation from where we left off online. If there is a vibe, I would offer to do this again.
Date 3-Share each other's "deal breakers" to a possible long term relationship. In other words, if you do not want your lady to gain a significant amount of weight; it's easier to keep it real on this date. The alternative is having to bring up your "standards" for the first time 10 years into a marriage. Trust me, saying it up front is easier. It keeps you from wasting each others' time. I told my wife that obesity was my deal breaker on our 2nd face-to-face date. The truth is that I love her big or small and I wouldn't leave. However, I'm glad that she found out how I felt about obesity before our relationship officially started. She is fitness conscious anyway; and an obese husband was one of her deal breakers as well.
Date 4-This date means that you guys have shared deal breakers and are cool with each others' terms and conditions. At this point, it's time to establish where you two want your relationship to go. It's good to share time lines for certain relationship events now. For example, if you two have not kissed yet, now would be a good time to discuss openly your expectations. In the case of my wife and I, she initiated the first kiss on date 3. She also gave me a 30 day notice for sex after that kiss (we didn't make it to day 30 by the way LOL).
In my situation, I asked her to marry me 6 months after we first met. The engagement was 10 months long, so we were married 16 months after meeting. We each have teen boys from previous relationships and we have a biological (almost) 3 month old daughter.
In my opinion, you've waited too long to ask this young lady out OP. Emojis are cute and all, but a relationship requires face-time. There is simply no substitute for good old fashion face-time. My wife did NOT show her true self to me online. However, that first kiss that she planted on me removed 100% of my doubts. No emoji can do that.
See, this is why it's hazardous to post a question to strangers on C-D. An innocent OP can get lead badly astray.
Why are so many men who come here so hysterical about women's weight?! None of the women I know--among friends, extended family, or even enemies, lol--gained weight between their 20's and 50, or if so, nothing more than a few lbs., nothing at all noticeable. Even the ones who had kids. "urbancharlotte", hmm.... So you're in the South? That would explain it. What you suggest would not be remotely within the bounds of a normal conversation, much less--remotely necessary, in much of the West. You'd never see your 1st date again, if you brought up your fears about a hypothetical weight gain. IDK how that plays out where you live, but where I live, you'd hear "sionara".
Well I asked her if she would like to go on a date and she said im to busy today.. and than I said if she is free anytime this week and she said I dont know.. I feel like maybe I should move on to someone else at this point..
OP, generally speaking, when meeting people online, you don't ask for a full=blown date right away. You're 25, you know this, right? You keep it light and casual, and ask her if you could buy her a cup of coffee, "so we can continue these great conversations in person".
Is this the first time you've tried online dating, or something? It sounds like it.
See, this is why it's hazardous to post a question to strangers on C-D. An innocent OP can get lead badly astray.
Why are so many men who come here so hysterical about women's weight?! None of the women I know--among friends, extended family, or even enemies, lol--gained weight between their 20's and 50, or if so, nothing more than a few lbs., nothing at all noticeable. Even the ones who had kids. "urbancharlotte", hmm.... So you're in the South? That would explain it. What you suggest would not be remotely within the bounds of a normal conversation, much less--remotely necessary, in much of the West. You'd never see your 1st date again, if you brought up your fears about a hypothetical weight gain. IDK how that plays out where you live, but where I live, you'd hear "sionara".
It is all about sharing turn offs and turn ons when you and a person are thinking about becoming "official". At some point, those things should be shared as early as possible. I typically share "deal breakers" as a 3rd or 4th date when I see potential. The key word there is "share", which means BOTH are free to exchange turn offs without anyone getting offended.
I'd rather hear an early good bye from someone who is not on my level than hear a " let's do this" from someone who is not. We have a saying here in the south; rejection is protection.
It is all about sharing turn offs and turn ons when you and a person are thinking about becoming "official". At some point, those things should be shared as early as possible. I'd rather hear an early good bye from someone who is not on my level than hear a " let's do this" from someone who is not. We have a saying here in the south; rejection is protection.
But she wouldn't be rejecting you because she planned to get fat. She'd be rejecting you for the bizarre nature of your conversation. I can see how you'd try to make it part of a sort of playful discussion about turn-offs, but ... I don't think it would work.
Oh well. If it works for you, great. Just be aware that that advice wouldn't fly in some other parts of the US.
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