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Yes I think I can definitely relate to what you had mentioned above -- IIRC as far as I can best remember, I believe there were only 3-4(?) Valentine's Days in my entire life where I actually had someone special; for all of all the others, I was 100% single, and it did indeed feel quite saddening and disheartening, around that time of the year. But the holiday itself though, I had generally had a positive impression of, as far as I can best recall. Agree 100% that it's very unfortunate that society tends to look down on people who are single as though they are "lesser" than couples, or see singles or those who are in unhappy relationships as "failures"
Yeah, on that note, someone (Scribbles, I think?) mentioned the ubiquitous commercial horrorshow that is Christmas, and I remember because I grew up with much younger siblings, the first holiday season I was a young woman on my own, in my own little apartment, I put up a tree, but it seemed really pointless. I had no money, and I had no kids to share that holiday with. For the first time, I was wretchedly depressed during Christmas. I didn't really have anyone special around to give gifts to or receive them from, and the lack of children just bummed me out. If I'd been wiser at that age, I'd have gone and volunteered in some shelter with families or a children's hospital, but I wasn't thinking of such things then, just feeling sorry for myself.
Of course, having kids of my own changed things entirely, and that's a whole other bucket of grievance, and it's not Festivus, so I won't air it now.
I guess I'm not digging the sort of cultural notion that "this is what <whatever holiday> should be like, and if you're not getting that experience, you're a sad miserable person with a sad, lonely life." And the fact that our consumerist mega-machine pushes those images so hard because they move product.
Yeah, on that note, someone (Scribbles, I think?) mentioned the ubiquitous commercial horrorshow that is Christmas, and I remember because I grew up with much younger siblings, the first holiday season I was a young woman on my own, in my own little apartment, I put up a tree, but it seemed really pointless. I had no money, and I had no kids to share that holiday with.
I can relate. I'm atheist and part-Jewish culturally, so for me, Christmas is just "a day when everything is closed". My immediate family doesn't celebrate it, and my Christian friends have dinners with their families. Which leaves me with nothing to do, if I can't find a Meetup event (like a movie) or a place to volunteer. Now, I don't begrudge the business owners, let alone the employees, having the day off with their families. So I just work around it. But the hassle is still there.
If there's anything I do have a beef with, is stores being open on Thanksgiving night. That's the day everything should close by 2:00 PM. It's far more inclusive and less materialistic than Christmas, although I'm aware that some Native Americans feel marginalized by it.
Last edited by MillennialUrbanist; 03-01-2018 at 02:51 PM..
So the money men spends on woman is the measure of his love? That is an interesting take on a relationship... Are we talking about normal women here or professionals?
Yes, that is measure of a man's love--but not how much he spends, but rather his willingenss to spend money on a woman at all. I don't mean in a materialstic way that a man SHOULD buy expensive things or gifts to please a woman. And the more attractive a woman is and the more a man is chemically attracted to said attractive woman, the more he will want to impress her and protect and provide which means spending his money on her.
What I mean is that you can tell how a man feels about a woman by his willingness or unwillingness to share his resources with her, whatever his level of means is. I am not talking about gifts or holidays or things like that. I am talking about relationships. As I have already clarified, men have no problem spending money on the women they care about unless they are just selfish and cheap. But even selfish and cheap men will still spend money on the women they are trying to impress and keep interested. It is the women they don't like who they are unwilling to spend on.
I tell women at all, if they are dating guy who doesn't want to spend money on you, he is not into in you. He doesn't see you as a woman he cares for or values enough share his resources with or to protect and provide for.
This is not what I think men should do, this is how a great number of men actually behave.
Yes, that is measure of a man's love--but not how much he spends, but rather his willingenss to spend money on a woman at all. I don't mean in a materialstic way that a man SHOULD buy expensive things or gifts to please a woman. And the more attractive a woman is and the more a man is chemically attracted to said attractive woman, the more he will want to impress her and protect and provide which means spending his money on her.
...
I tell women at all, if they are dating guy who doesn't want to spend money on you, he is not into in you. He doesn't see you as a woman he cares for or values enough share his resources with or to protect and provide for.
You're way off base. What you're saying is true only for women vis-a-vis stable providers---the men women aren't attracted to, but settle down with in order to attain a stable life. Then of course a woman will insist on presents as symbols of a man's love. They represent the stable life she came to him for in the first place. Otherwise, what was the point of settling down with him?
When it comes to women vis-a-vis naturally desirable men, there is no expectation of gifts. In a woman's eyes, a naturally desirable man's company, sexual and otherwise, is it own reward. No Valentine's Day necessary. However, such men make up only 20% of male population, with the rest of them being stable providers. So I guess what you're saying is mostly true.
You're way off base. What you're saying is true only for women vis-a-vis stable providers---the men women aren't attracted to, but settle down with in order to attain a stable life. Then of course a woman will insist on presents as symbols of a man's love. They represent the stable life she came to him for in the first place. Otherwise, what was the point of settling down with him?
When it comes to women vis-a-vis naturally desirable men, there is no expectation of gifts. In a woman's eyes, a naturally desirable man's company, sexual and otherwise, is it own reward. No Valentine's Day necessary. However, such men make up only 20% of male population, with the rest of them being stable providers. So I guess what you're saying is mostly true.
Why do you keep insulting men by saying their women aren't attracted to them? You believe you are making yourself feel better about being incel but is that really working? Many, if not most women REQUIRE an attraction and heat when making a commitment. This isn't 1850. "Stable providers" can be hot and hot men can want to be stable providers. Often. And OTOH many women don't need to be "provided for" but both people contributing is nice.
Can you stop with the sour grapes about how all those married men are only married because they're not attractive? Completely untrue and I think you know that...and I feel for you, but really. Just stop. Because it isn't true. I am very sorry for your situation but it isn't true.
So make one up. (Shrug) Start some kind of big men's day. If it really is childishly tit-for-tat like this.
But so far primarily on this thread I'm not seeing guys overwhelmingly saying that; they're saying they don't like the expectations of THIS day, and the money spent and so on.
Have you really been wishing for a men's love day this whole time? How would your SO give you this day, would it be dinner out and so on? And then, you'd do a 180 from the prior 30+ pages and be fine with Valentine Day?
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I think we have an answer.