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Old 04-10-2018, 09:25 AM
 
Location: NNJ
15,053 posts, read 10,045,925 times
Reputation: 17223

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Quote:
Originally Posted by timberline742 View Post
Geeze, I haven't been to a non-potluck thanksgiving in I don't know how long. At least a decade.
I haven't been to a dinner date that the check was split.

Its fun to do pot luck... Nice variety We have 30 abouts and what shows up in the table is what we eat. Unfortunately not everyone can so they do what they can... Chips whatever.
Its pretty low key. I like to the cook so I usually go all out... It is unusual for me to see people enjoy my meals.. It is satisfying. If for some reason I can't no one is going to think otherwise

 
Old 04-10-2018, 09:27 AM
 
30,907 posts, read 32,927,258 times
Reputation: 26919
Quote:
Originally Posted by timberline742 View Post
I don't get the "contrived and made up" holiday thing. ALL holidays are "made up" by humans. That's the way it works. Even the ones based on natural calendars (solstice, etc) are "made up" in that a society chooses to celebrate them.
Yup.

So it's based on what we feel like getting our backs up about, v. what we "like" to celebrate. It's never a "logical" thing, really. And it's not really supposed to be. Celebrations are emotional. That's how it's supposed to be; pretending one is "better" because we personally like it more just doesn't make much sense. Pretending T-giving, Christmas, Arbor Day or whatever is superior and more logical and therefore warrants spending a lot of money and time on is just so odd.

This one is more button-pushing because of disappointments in love. But that's not the fault of the holiday, OR of the people who are in love, and celebrate.
 
Old 04-10-2018, 09:29 AM
 
30,907 posts, read 32,927,258 times
Reputation: 26919
Quote:
Originally Posted by usayit View Post
I haven't been to a dinner date that the check was split.

Its fun to do pot luck... Nice variety We have 30 abouts and what shows up in the table is what we eat. Unfortunately not everyone can so they do what they can... Chips whatever.
Its pretty low key. I like to the cook so I usually go all out... It is unusual for me to see people enjoy my meals.. It is satisfying. If for some reason I can't no one is going to think otherwise

Potluck is great, and a percentage of people do this, just as a percentage of people give EACHOTHER Valentine's Day gifts and make the arrangements.

I don't know why you refuse to understand and acknowledge this part. It's really the point.
 
Old 04-10-2018, 09:34 AM
 
Location: Phoenix, AZ
20,328 posts, read 14,547,380 times
Reputation: 39259
Quote:
Originally Posted by timberline742 View Post
I don't get the "contrived and made up" holiday thing. ALL holidays are "made up" by humans. That's the way it works. Even the ones based on natural calendars (solstice, etc) are "made up" in that a society chooses to celebrate them.
Yep.

It's only a question of what sort of "made up" we're talking...you've got your holidays that are morphed in from a number of sources and then given a religion's stamp of approval...you've got your commercial holidays...

Though honestly, no holiday is more commercialized than Christmas. It's the big moneymaker. We all know that. V-Day is small beans compared to Christmas.

I rank V-Day generally down with like Easter...it is, to me, optional. If you have kids, there might be some expectations and candy involved. But as my sons are teens, we didn't do anything at all for Easter. If my partner did not want to do anything for V-Day, I really would not care. If a guy has a woman who would throw a tearful fit over that, well maybe that's what "high maintenance" means, I'm not about that. I do not have the energy for that kind of foolery. But my dude has wanted to do some stuff for Valentines, so we exchange cards and candy. WHOA, hand-to-forehead, SUCH an imposition. I mean, each of us maybe spent like $20?

I do not hang out with the super rich, I really don't know anyone who felt they had to shell out hundreds on fancy dinner and jewelry, especially not if in an actual relationship, rather than just trying to impress some woman and persuade her to be part of his life.

But man, just the vitriol over the notion that anyone might want to celebrate their love with a romantic partner.

And yeah, I know, different people sometimes do Thanksgiving differently. But in every part of my family, and every part of my growing up, and in my entire adult life with pretty much last year being the only exception, it has been ONE WOMAN who did the work. All of it. That might have been Grandma, or my Mom, or me...but it was one woman. And it IS a lot of expense, and effort, and the sum total of work and cost that goes into an average Thanksgiving, IS higher than what most people put into Valentine's. I don't know how anyone could argue otherwise. I've never been given over a hundred dollars' worth of ANYTHING for Valentines, let alone that PLUS a bunch of cooking and cleaning.

In fact I have never, ever had a man put as much cooking and cleaning into any occasion for me, in my entire life for any reason, as I have put into every Thanksgiving, and every Christmas, for most of my adult life, every year.
 
Old 04-10-2018, 09:34 AM
 
Location: NNJ
15,053 posts, read 10,045,925 times
Reputation: 17223
Show me a thread asking why women hate Thanksgiving?

I have no doubts that women do cook a lot during thanks giving. However the choice is simply don't host... There isnt a bunch of commercials and social pressure to do so
 
Old 04-10-2018, 09:42 AM
 
Location: NNJ
15,053 posts, read 10,045,925 times
Reputation: 17223
Quote:
Originally Posted by JerZ View Post
Potluck is great, and a percentage of people do this, just as a percentage of people give EACHOTHER Valentine's Day gifts and make the arrangements.

I don't know why you refuse to understand and acknowledge this part. It's really the point.
Nice try...

You got data to back that? JK.

Look this thread wouldn't exist unless the OP made the observation. I posted my shared like for Thanksgiving. So what is your end game here... To prove our views are irrevelant to yours?

Why don't you bark at the poster I responded to? Or all the other posters that also said the same about V-day.
 
Old 04-10-2018, 09:54 AM
 
Location: Phoenix, AZ
20,328 posts, read 14,547,380 times
Reputation: 39259
Quote:
Originally Posted by usayit View Post
Nice try...

You got data to back that? JK.

Look this thread wouldn't exist unless the OP made the observation. I posted my shared like for Thanksgiving. So what is your end game here... To prove our views are irrevelant to yours?

Why don't you bark at the poster I responded to? Or all the other posters that also said the same about V-day.
Maybe to prove that some people are just as entitled to not love Thanksgiving, as others are to not love Valentine's Day.

And that other people are welcome to love it, celebrate it, ignore it, make a big deal or a little deal of it, as they will.

But we could stop acting like any one person's experience with it is THE definitive universal experience.

My partner and I give to each other, nothing big, but like card and candy for V-Day. If anyone has done more for it, it was probably me. I was shocked to think that some women let me give to them and do not give back...it would not occur to me, to receive V-Day gifts and not give back, in fact I am pretty much always uncomfortable if I'm not giving, when I'm receiving, if something feels "unfair." Maybe it's my accounting nerd nature always wanting the ledger to be roughly balanced or something, I dunno.

But yeah. I was surprised how many men feel they are expected to give, and do not get anything. My experience has not been that, it's been we both ignore it or we both give/receive. So.

For some of us though, with dysfunctional families, family holidays like TG have lots of negative associations. I won't even get started on Christmas, that is a rant for me, too. To be honest I feel like I'd be happy, once my kids are out of the house, just STOPPING doing the holiday thing altogether. All of it. Or like...maybe I will stop putting the effort in, and see if anyone else steps up in my place. Betting no one will. I'm just sick of being assumed/expected I'll make a huge production for others, but man, nobody's done so for me since I was a child.

But hey. Maybe my relationships have all just been kind of crap for a really long time. I can't argue with that. Just like I figure a guy who has a high maintenance woman who expects diamonds and lobster for Valentine's...I don't know what's up with that. But it doesn't sound right to me.
 
Old 04-10-2018, 09:57 AM
 
30,907 posts, read 32,927,258 times
Reputation: 26919
Quote:
Originally Posted by usayit View Post
Show me a thread asking why women hate Thanksgiving?

We don't make those threads.

Instead we just get on with making people happy and celebrating something. And yeah, living up to expectations. Every single year.

The fact that we don't whine about it for hundreds of posts doesn't mean it isn't hard to put together. It means...we get on with it...if it means something to us. Just like any holiday, celebration, or get-together of any kind.

ETA: Per Sonic...
Quote:
But yeah. I was surprised how many men feel they are expected to give, and do not get anything. My experience has not been that, it's been we both ignore it or we both give/receive. So.

Me too.
 
Old 04-10-2018, 10:24 AM
 
Location: NW Indiana
44,316 posts, read 19,982,912 times
Reputation: 115171
Another thread hijacked with off-topic bickering. Closed.
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