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So my husband and i have been married for 4 years now. Completely in love and everything is going well. Everything except for 1 issue. He has a girl best friend. Now this girl best friend lives in another country although they have met in person before, they have mostly grown their friendship through social media.
I have been uneasy about this online friendship the whole time. I have expressed to him my concern and he has respected that in the way in which he thinks necessary, which is to tone down their chatting. Which he has done. However i still dont like them messaging eachother, what seems to be almost every hour of every day.
Am I cazy for wanted their friendship to not exist?? Ive read some messages where she is confiding in him about mental health issues, boyfirend issues etc. But she needs to realise that he is a married man and that it seems a little innapropriate for her to be talking like that. Its been eating at me for so long.
I also should make mention that there have been other little similar issues with girls in the past. Nothing too serious. However enough to sit him down and have a chat about how it makes me feel.
I guess what im asking is have any of you been in this situation?? Should I tell him i dont want him contacting her? Should i just leave it and get over it? Someone help its slowly driving me nuts.
There's no need for communication to a female friend on the other side of the world on a daily basis.
Ive been tracking it all for a while now and nothing else seems unusual or suspicious. Its just the messages.
So glad i have someone elses confirmation that im not just obsessive and over protective.
It seems unusual and kinda odd that he would be interested in hearing about another woman's mental health and boyfriend problems. Does he talk about his problems and marriage with her, or if not, what?
How does your husband have all this spare time to be messaging this other lady "what seems to be almost every hour of every day", when you are "completely in love and everything is going well".
So my husband and i have been married for 4 years now. Completely in love and everything is going well. Everything except for 1 issue. He has a girl best friend. Now this girl best friend lives in another country although they have met in person before, they have mostly grown their friendship through social media.
I have been uneasy about this online friendship the whole time. I have expressed to him my concern and he has respected that in the way in which he thinks necessary, which is to tone down their chatting. Which he has done. However i still dont like them messaging eachother, what seems to be almost every hour of every day.
Am I cazy for wanted their friendship to not exist?? Ive read some messages where she is confiding in him about mental health issues, boyfirend issues etc. But she needs to realise that he is a married man and that it seems a little innapropriate for her to be talking like that. Its been eating at me for so long.
I also should make mention that there have been other little similar issues with girls in the past. Nothing too serious. However enough to sit him down and have a chat about how it makes me feel.
I guess what im asking is have any of you been in this situation?? Should I tell him i dont want him contacting her? Should i just leave it and get over it? Someone help its slowly driving me nuts.
RED ALERT! Not good on so many levels!
1. People can become emotionally intimate chatting privately on the internet and it's especially risky when it's the opposite sex.
2. He's giving time to her when he should be giving it to you.
3. You might not be communicating honestly with your husband about this, trying to be "understanding".
4. You might have indeed told him how you feel about it and he's told you not to worry or that you're being "silly". Tell your husband your are NOT being silly, and he might not like it if the tables were turned.
5. The other woman, is a selfish bee-otch!
6. Might want to try marriage counseling to see what's going on, and yeah, be wary.
He has a girl best friend. Now this girl best friend lives in another country although they have met in person before, they have mostly grown their friendship through social media.
It's a bit unusual, even in today's online-dominated society, but it may be fairly innocuous. However, I'd ask a couple of questions here: How did they first meet (not in person, but how did they come to know of each other's existence)? How long ago was this (meaning, does their relationship predate yours)? There's a wide gulf between an old friend from years ago with whom he now keeps in touch via social media and a girl he met on a dating site he might still have a thing for but who lives too far away for either one of them to do anything about it.
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I have been uneasy about this online friendship the whole time. I have expressed to him my concern and he has respected that in the way in which he thinks necessary, which is to tone down their chatting. Which he has done. However i still dont like them messaging eachother, what seems to be almost every hour of every day.
Here's the question I would ask yourself: why does this bother you? Is it that he's discussing more intimate details of his life with her and not with you or is it simply that you're not getting all of his attention? Again, different responses to different scenarios. There are some people out there who would never think of cheating on their SOs, but who need daily communication with their friends, even if those friends are women.
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Am I cazy for wanted their friendship to not exist??
In a word, yes. Wanting to control someone to a point where you're making decisions for him that involve his friendships is not healthy.
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Ive read some messages where she is confiding in him about mental health issues, boyfirend issues etc. But she needs to realise that he is a married man and that it seems a little innapropriate for her to be talking like that.
I see nothing inappropriate here. She's discussing her personal life with him - perhaps over-sharing a bit, but that's her problem, not yours. Why is it inappropriate for her to discuss her boyfriend (which would generally tend to imply that she's not interested in your husband romantically) with him?
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I also should make mention that there have been other little similar issues with girls in the past. Nothing too serious. However enough to sit him down and have a chat about how it makes me feel.
What kinds of issues? Him talking to other women that aren't you? Those aren't issues until he either does something to prove, beyond a doubt, that he isn't trustworthy or you admit to yourself that you simply don't trust him irrespective of the innocence level of these conversations.
Just out of interest, how old are the two of you?
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I guess what im asking is have any of you been in this situation?? Should I tell him i dont want him contacting her? Should i just leave it and get over it? Someone help its slowly driving me nuts.
I would leave it and get over it. Recognize that you do not have the monopoly on his time and that, unless these daily conversations start getting truly inappropriate (of which, unless you hack into his phone/computer you won't find out anyways) or he spends such a long time talking to her that it seriously eats into your time together, he is entitled to his own life.
RED ALERT! Not good on so many levels!
1. People can become emotionally intimate chatting privately on the internet and it's especially risky when it's the opposite sex.
Definitely possible. Not 100%, but hard to rule it out.
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2. He's giving time to her when he should be giving it to you.
Not necessarily. She's not entitled to 100% of his time.
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3. You might not be communicating honestly with your husband about this, trying to be "understanding".
What's the alternative? Yelling, screaming and ultimatums? Might as well call that divorce attorney now.
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4. You might have indeed told him how you feel about it and he's told you not to worry or that you're being "silly". Tell your husband your are NOT being silly, and he might not like it if the tables were turned.
Interesting question to consider. Trying the whole "shoe is on the other foot" approach may be a way to go, but what happens when he says that he wouldn't mind having the tables reversed?
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5. The other woman, is a selfish bee-otch!
The other woman has absolutely no responsibility to the OP or anyone else, for that matter. Not sure why she deserves to be called names.
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6. Might want to try marriage counseling to see what's going on, and yeah, be wary.
Might try individual counseling first, to figure out why it bothers her so much.
I'm gonna go with the counseling advice. Get it. For both of you. Together. That way a 3rd party, the counselor, can take a deeper look at what is going on. It COULD be innocent - and just a friendship. Or it might not be. Until there is sex involved, I am inclined to say innocent. It's really kinda hard to judge what's going on from a forum post or two.
RED ALERT! Not good on so many levels!
1. People can become emotionally intimate chatting privately on the internet and it's especially risky when it's the opposite sex.
2. He's giving time to her when he should be giving it to you.
3. You might not be communicating honestly with your husband about this, trying to be "understanding".
4. You might have indeed told him how you feel about it and he's told you not to worry or that you're being "silly". Tell your husband your are NOT being silly, and he might not like it if the tables were turned.
5. The other woman, is a selfish bee-otch!
6. Might want to try marriage counseling to see what's going on, and yeah, be wary.
GOOD LUCK!
It sounds like an emotional affair, to me. The OP said he messages her hourly, throughout the day? If that's true, it's pretty extreme. I agree with the underlined. This has gone too far, already. Counseling is in order.
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