Q's about dating after divorce (as a single Dad) (guy, lover, attracted)
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You'll definitely run into women looking for an LTR and future father or their kids, just a heads-up. Being clear in a profile you set up, that you're not ready for that, would help.
He can date childless women 25-34 as a 35 year old man. Childless women can handle a relationship with a single dad more easily than a childless man can handle a single mom.
A little context:
So....I am about to be single (divorce should be finalized within a few months) for the first time since my early 20s. I'm 35 now and have two young kids - about to be age 7 and 4. They are my world and my #1 priority. Without going into detail, I will say that it was my soon to be ex's actions that led to our divorce. With that said, I have put my ego aside and have been moving forward as amicably as possible. We are essentially splitting everything 50/50. Although I'm worried sick about the impact of divorce on my children (not being able to read & tuck them in each night kind of burns my soul), I feel I have definitely gotten over any romantic feelings I had for my soon to be ex. We will remain friends and communicate often - primarily over kid/family related issues.
So on to my questions:
1) Why does it seem as if all the advice I get is to wait so long (years, some suggest) before I begin dating again? My ex has clearly moved on from me and has gone out with plenty of other people, why can't I - if I'm not being selfish and taking time away from kids? I don't feel a need to find a soul mate right away nor do I want to just jump in a serious relationship. I do crave affection & attention from another woman. What is waiting 6 months or another year going to change???
2) What are my prospects as a 35 year old with 2 kids? Of course looks are subjective, but I've always gotten compliments and I'm in great physical shape as I work out/play sports a lot. I have a job I love and am passionate about. I'm not rich, but have enough. However, I think I'm at a potentially difficult age to find a lot of dates. Pretty much all of my friends my age are married with kids.
3) Are dating apps worthy of my time? Note, I'm not ready to use these yet, but have thought about using them in the future. I live in a smallish city (about 50,000 in the general area) but somewhat close proximity to bigger towns/cities. During the school year, it's difficult to get out and about so dating apps could be convenient.
This is all new to me and has me anxious - both good and bad. I'll probably have many more q's. Thanks in advance for any helpful advice/responses.
I was 28 and a single father with sole custody of my daughter. I was very lucky to have met my second wife at work, I pretty much gave up dating to focus on my daughter although I got to know a few women in that time and I also learned a lot of women want NOTHING to do with the situation. I had my mother to help and my sister too sometimes but it's real tough. I strongly suggest you make your kids the priority and not another woman unless it's well worth it to you. Somebody will come along, just don't expect miracles.
He can date childless women 25-34 as a 35 year old man. Childless women can handle a relationship with a single dad more easily than a childless man can handle a single mom.
I wasn't talking about single moms. In fact, I was assuming he'd be looking for child-free women. The comment was a follow-up to my earlier post on that topic.
Maybe I'd just like the feel of having someone else interested in me. And I definitely am not looking to get serious right away. I will be taking it very slow with any potential partner I may meet in the future. I'm under no pressure in the world to settle down at this point.
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That SOUNDS easy, but be prepared for most any woman you “casually date” , with few exceptions, to eventually see this as more serious/or have more expectations than you do, even if she says she is “cool” with it being casual.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruth4Truth
You'll definitely run into women looking for an LTR and future father or their kids, just a heads-up. Being clear in a profile you set up, that you're not ready for that, would help.
Quote:
Originally Posted by RJ312
He can date childless women 25-34 as a 35 year old man. Childless women can handle a relationship with a single dad more easily than a childless man can handle a single mom.
Actually I think childless women are just as likely to see this guy as the father of their future child. I also see a lot of women projecting the guy’s role as a dad into the image of him as a husband.
Actually I think childless women are just as likely to see this guy as the father of their future child. I also see a lot of women projecting the guy’s role as a dad into the image of him as a husband.
That was my point, exactly. The other poster missed the earlier post about him being at just the age to encounter women full of mommy-hormones, looking for a daddy-to-be.
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"I don't understand. But I don't care, so it works out."
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OP, you ignored my suggestion in the other thread that you and your wife rotate homes, and leave your children in their home. That way, if you really mean "they are your number 1 priority", you're putting your money where your mouth is.
Since you've got a second home, set up your calendar that way. Your wife lives there for 2 nights, then back at her house for 2, then back at the original house for 3. While you switch back and forth too. Be sure to pack everything you might want or need during that time, and be sure to notify all your friends which house you'll be at when.
Do that for a month and see if you don't jump off a bridge.
That's what you're planning to make your children do. And it makes them feel homeless and adrift.
That is a horrible way to live, and really extremely selfish for parents to set that up for their "#1 priorities".
1) Why does it seem as if all the advice I get is to wait so long (years, some suggest) before I begin dating again? My ex has clearly moved on from me and has gone out with plenty of other people, why can't I - if I'm not being selfish and taking time away from kids? I don't feel a need to find a soul mate right away nor do I want to just jump in a serious relationship. I do crave affection & attention from another woman. What is waiting 6 months or another year going to change???
My situation was a bit different as my ex-h and I had an open marriage toward the end and transitioned to separated while continuing to date and see others. We also lived in different states. Only you know when you're ready. Not everyone needs a lot of time to grieve and some go through the process of grieving and soul-searching before and during the separation period.
Quote:
2) What are my prospects as a 35 year old with 2 kids? Of course looks are subjective, but I've always gotten compliments and I'm in great physical shape as I work out/play sports a lot. I have a job I love and am passionate about. I'm not rich, but have enough. However, I think I'm at a potentially difficult age to find a lot of dates. Pretty much all of my friends my age are married with kids.
Like you, nearly everyone in my social circle are married and/or women with children, the vast majority not local. Most in their mid and upper 30s have been married and have a child or two, especially in certain regions where it is more common to marry and have children at a younger age. I dated several separated and divorced men in their upper 30s to early-mid 40s with children. I met them on dating websites. Efficient and convenient all-around.
Quote:
3) Are dating apps worthy of my time? Note, I'm not ready to use these yet, but have thought about using them in the future. I live in a smallish city (about 50,000 in the general area) but somewhat close proximity to bigger towns/cities. During the school year, it's difficult to get out and about so dating apps could be convenient.
Apps weren't a thing when I was dating. I had good experiences with dating websites. My favorite by far was OKC. My highest and best matches were on OKC, including my now-husband and two exes and several others I dated for brief periods. The typical singles social events and activities just weren't feasible with my schedule, and these methods weren't a good fit for me and how I approach dating. I will say, there are many factors that contribute to one's overall experience and success. Your location/region and your target demographic, if you have one, whether you're looking for a woman of a similar age and family dynamic. I've always lived in large metro cities when I dated. Smaller cities may prove to be a challenge as your dating pool is smaller. There are just so many factors at play.
I worked through a lot when we were separated. We were separated for over two years. I saw a counselor for the last uear of it and still see her. I have been seeing her three years in total. Divorced two. Like you it was a situation that involved some fault on his end. Not that I didn’t do things too but he was avusive and stepped out of the marriage kn multiple occasions. Seeing my counselor helped A LOT.
I started dating imeadiately after it was final. I had worked through things during the separation which again, was long. I refused to date while married, although many encouraged me to. I think it has too much potential for messyness. would say I am starting tk feel ready for somethingmore asrious but have been very comfortable at casual/undefined for much longer than I would have in the past.
Rejoice in your new found freedom and your strong sense of responsibility
When you are ready the relationship it will come
What personally made me angry was all the great post marriage sex
The worst post marriage sex was better than the best sex during 17 years of marriage
What a waste of youth
It would appear the church and family
Are not encouraging you to marry for the great sex
The sad reality
Temps are better employees than perm
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