Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
only works when they are younger. The 'carousel' ends at a certain age
The carousel can go longer than one might think. The ideal that the carousel ends in her early to mid 30s is somewhat erroneous. There are 50+ women with hundreds of messages sitting in an inbox on Match or OurTime. Some 50+ women are even using Tinder and Bumble now.
A woman who I dated for 2 amazing months with much serious stuff packed into those 2 months blew me off OUT OF NOWHERE to go back to her ex. It was shock and devastation like I had never experienced before based on the fact that there were absolutely NO signs of this coming at all, short of maybe a few watered down texts in the last week. This was an insane blowoff that I could not comprehend seeing as how things were going so well. She had told me of a 3 month relationship just before us, but it turns out that was just the last wave of their on again off again 1.5 month relationship. Yup. Turns out I was a rebound gone too far.
However, in a real shock, she comes back to me the NEXT DAY saying she thinks she made a bad decision She says she wants to meet up which I bow down and do. She tells me she DID have genuine feelings for me but the history of the ex reactivated old emotions and now she's just "torn". She says that the ex treated her poorly on their very first night back out and even called him a "d-ck" to me at one point and the bottom line is she just "doesn't want to lose me". Sorry babe, not gonna be a back burner boy for you after what you just put me through. Either come back now, or don't. The next night she claimed that she wanted a second chance but just felt like things wouldn't be the same and that she "ruined everything" and no matter what I said she would feel pressure. I told her I would not resent her and things would be ok, although she would have be honest 100% of the time and would have to delete the ex off of all her social media. She said she understood, but still couldn't do it right now. Talk about an emotional roller coaster for me after what was such an amazing 2 month start of everything from sex, to friends parties, to christmas gifts being exchanged, etc.
STILL, this girl tried desperately over the next week to string me along by telling me how great of a guy I was and how I did things for her in just the 2 months that he never did. An entire other side of her was coming out. An immature irrational side of a woman (27 years old fyi) who wasn't mature enough to give up the boy crazy addiction that was with her loser ex that things didn't work out with, to see that the right guy was right in front of her face (me). Finally after about 2 weeks of this nonsense (which I now regret hanging around so long) I sent her one final long text asking her what the deal was. She kept to her same story, saying that she is ending it with the ex very soon, but still thinks she ruined everything and thinks things would be "problematic" for us going forward. I tell her OK, i accept that. Her response? "I would still like to see you sometime in the future though". This push-pull behavior would NOT stop. Never have I seen anything THIS bad from a girl. One minute she's literally telling me she can't be with me, the next she's saying she wants to see me sometime.
3 days later I find her back on the dating site we met on, new pic and all. It was nice to know she likely really ended things with the ex after all, but it was still hurtful to know she didn't come back to me. However, 3 days after THAT, she texts me!! But not about getting back together or hanging out. She texts me small talk BS about some movie!!!!! So keep in mind under a week ago she's telling me she's still involved with an ex, then a little after that I see her back on a DATING SITE, yet she's texting me - About a MOVIE!!! I respond cold and fade away for good. Not gonna go that route. No communication for 3 weeks now. In the midst of that she deleted a photo she posted of us to her social media. A week later I deleted her from my social media as it was too painful to continue to look at this girl who put me through this all. I figured let her go find her next sucker through online dating and good luck.
So what REALLY happened here? Would love some advice from women
My analysis is simple:
She genuinely liked me yes, but nowhere near the amount I liked her. Mixed in was also the fact that I do believe it was true about her feeling too much pressure to come back to me but she still(clearly) wanted to try and keep me as a second option for as long as possible until she was perhaps good and ready, and went the extremely immature and insecure route of using STRONG push-pull on me for 2 weeks. When she felt the pressure being put on by my final long text she faded away back to online dating. Then when she saw I wasn't giving into her small talk she gave up on me completely. If I could do it all over again I should have just told her give me a call one day if and when all this drama is figured out but instead I hung around and put pressure on her, however that's mostly bc she was putting me through a wringer beginning from the DAY after she blew me off. This was all a mess, and it was a mess SHE started.
Not a woman, but I can relate to this as I went through something remotely similar with a woman, and this one was in her forties (we weren't dating or anything), but I've known her for years. One thing I've learned is that if a woman has a lot of drama in her life, she is typically not worth being around. All you can do is cut ties and walk away. If she wants you in her life, she will straighten it out, but more likely than not, she is going to continue with all this nonsense. And I guarantee you while you were typing this out, she was getting the ride of her life from the ex.
You did the right thing by deleting her from your social media. The next step is to just move forward however you can.
I should have absolutely noted that while we were never official, this was a rather serious 2 months. You could say it was like 4 months packed into 2. For starters, we both deleted our Online dating profiles a little over a month into this and said we were focusing on each other. I did however delete mine first. She stayed over every weekend, sex, I went to a work Xmas party with her, she came to a friends party of mine, we texted and flirted every day, she bought and wore new lingerie for me, we exchanged Christmas gifts, had deep convos, she posted TWO photos of us to her social media, etc. and I do mean etc.
This was no ordinary “sorry but my ex came back†type of blowoff. I was blindsided like never before.
The carousel can go longer than one might think. The ideal that the carousel ends in her early to mid 30s is somewhat erroneous. There are 50+ women with hundreds of messages sitting in an inbox on Match or OurTime. Some 50+ women are even using Tinder and Bumble now.
They attract lower value males. Rich, single old guys all date much younger
Not saying I didn't get a bit attached, bc I admit I was towards the end. But if you read my other replies you would understand that me getting this way was rather justified. This girl played me hard. It's that simple. Again, this wasn't 2 months of 5 dates and a kiss on the fifth date. Thank you for your replies.
It's not possible. Harder than Rubik's Cube while drunk. No way in my lifetime have I a clue. I used to know but the more ladies I met, the less I knew.
The carousel can go longer than one might think. The ideal that the carousel ends in her early to mid 30s is somewhat erroneous. There are 50+ women with hundreds of messages sitting in an inbox on Match or OurTime. Some 50+ women are even using Tinder and Bumble now.
100% true. Beauty and high SMV can last way beyond a woman's 30's. But the 30's is an interesting point for a woman when the clock starts to tick a bit louder, not to mention most of their friends are all married and settled by that point.
Not saying I didn't get a bit attached, bc I admit I was towards the end. But if you read my other replies you would understand that me getting this way was rather justified. This girl played me hard. It's that simple. Again, this wasn't 2 months of 5 dates and a kiss on the fifth date. Thank you for your replies.
You are definitely justified in getting away. And I've learned the hard way that (me) getting attached is a risk. But from what it sounds like, this relationship has burned very hot. A little too hot and I guess she was just trying a bit too hard to get her mind off of her ex.
I mean, anytime can be too soon to get attached. I've dealt with women who were trustworthy enough for attachment at any stage (of course they have their husbands), then I've taken precautions with other women in my life and then learned that it could be 2 months, 2 years, or 2 decades and still not good for me to get attached.
But that pain and confusion from getting played hard like that. I've gone through that. I'm working on building myself so that I can feel value in my life.
You are definitely justified in getting away. And I've learned the hard way that (me) getting attached is a risk. But from what it sounds like, this relationship has burned very hot. A little too hot and I guess she was just trying a bit too hard to get her mind off of her ex.
Basically that's SORT of what she told me the next day after she came back. That she went on the dating app to just get back out there and move on, and I came along and kind of surprised her and things got really good so she just went with it. The problem here was she allowed this to go way too far seeing as how she clearly still had her heart attached to this other guy. Everything else aside from the story, the bottom line is the second she heard me say I deleted me online dating account and just wanted to focus on her and she told me "aww, thats so sweet, I'll have to do the same", she became evil. She claimed she "didn't know" he was going to come back, but yeah, whatever. Doesn't change the fact that she still threw me in the dumpster and went back to him.
It's just a shame bc at 33 I thought I had everything figured out as far as being careful and looking for red flags. I checked her social media out and saw no evidence of an ex, and when she said she only just got out of a "3 month" thing, I figured well, I'm good to go. When she posted the photo of us to her social media just 3.5 weeks after knowing me, I did think it was a little odd, but then again, so are girls. Figured she was just a girl being a girl, she's still kinda young after all (27), and just wanted to enjoy some attention. Nothing really wrong with that. However I think we all can know now that pic was likely posted to shove it in the ex's face, who I later realized still followed her.
But never again. From here on out unless a girl tells me we are EXCLUSIVE I will always have one foot out the door, and sadly even then it's like you never know.
Basically that's SORT of what she told me the next day after she came back. That she went on the dating app to just get back out there and move on, and I came along and kind of surprised her and things got really good. The problem here was she allowed this to go way too far seeing as how she clearly still had her heart attached to this other guy. Everything else aside from the story, the bottom line is the second she heard me say I deleted me online dating account and just wanted to focus on her and she told me "aww, thats so sweet, I'll have to do the same", she became evil. She claimed she "didn't know" he was going to come back, but yeah, whatever. Doesn't change the fact that she still threw me in the dumpster and went back to him.
It's just a shame bc at 33 I thought I had everything figured out as far as being careful and looking for red flags. I checked her social media out and saw no evidence of an ex, and when she said she only just got out of a "3 month" thing, I figured well, I'm good to go. When she posted the photo of us to her social media just 3.5 weeks after knowing me, I did think it was a little odd, but then again, so are girls. Figured she was just a girl being a girl, she's still kinda young after all (27), and just wanted to enjoy some attention. Nothing really wrong with that. However I think we all can know now that pic was likely posted to shove it in the ex's face, who I later realized still followed her.
But never again. From here on out unless a girl tells me we are EXCLUSIVE I will always have one foot out the door, and sadly even then it's like you never know.
I feel like I've learned this lesson at the same age (I'm 33 too). I was a rebound boyfriend. I was 31 at the time. Fortunately, it didn't get anywhere. It ended before it began.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
. The 'carousel' ends at a certain age
She says she wants to meet up which I bow down and do. She tells me she DID have genuine feelings for me but the history of the ex reactivated old emotions and now she's just "torn". She says that the ex treated her poorly on their very first night back out and even called him a "d-ck" to me at one point and the bottom line is she just "doesn't want to lose me". Sorry babe, not gonna be a back burner boy for you after what you just put me through. Either come back now, or don't. The next night she claimed that she wanted a second chance but just felt like things wouldn't be the same and that she "ruined everything" and no matter what I said she would feel pressure. I told her I would not resent her and things would be ok, although she would have be honest 100% of the time and would have to delete the ex off of all her social media. She said she understood, but still couldn't do it right now. Talk about an emotional roller coaster for me after what was such an amazing 2 month start of everything from sex, to friends parties, to christmas gifts being exchanged, etc.
