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Op offered to have whole account changed to his name (he could get the bill, no one else has to snoop, etc).
I mean...I can't imagine my parents snooping on my phone bill (they actually don't have a cell service) or my even caring if they did.
It's just weird. It's a cell phone plan. They're not living together or taking communal showers or anything. Heck, I even know people who aren't on their spouse's health care plan because it makes more financial sense for them to do it differently.
You don't find cohesion, closeness, and intimacy in your relationship from your bills.
I wonder if they fiancee wants them to be on a family plan so she can snoop on the future husband.
Well, I will give you an immediate scenario where it's not even about snooping in the phone records.
Let's say the new wife wants an iPhone X. Not my choice, but some people actually would buy one.
Suddenly, the entire family would be privy to the decision. Not husband and wife, but the mother-in-law, too. And even if the wife is paying for it, the mother-in-law is being brought into the decision in at least a tangential way. She gets to see the phone bill and knows what it costs.
If the MIL is a buttinsky, I can hear it now: "You know, Sheila and Jack are kind of struggling right now. But Sheila thinks buying an expensive mobile phone is more important than paying off their credit card bills..." I mean, it doesn't take much imagination to see how scenarios like that unfold. And God help you if the SIL is using too much data with her fifteen zillion Snapchat posts a day.
What's more, we don't know enough about the mother's behavior to know why autonomy has become so important to the OP's intended. Maybe the fiancee has solid reasons for not inviting her future MIL into her financial life.
Heck, my FIL tells everyone he can possibly can about how stupid smartphones are and how he pays $15 a month for his flip phone that he, more often than not, forgets to charge. Meanwhile, I use my iPhone every day in ways completely unrelated to calling people. I travel all the time and need to have what is, in effect, a portable computer to do everything from make calls, send e-mails, take photographs, make hotel reservations, change flight info, choose a route to my destination, etc. etc. etc.
So if we were on the same plan with my FIL, I would be having to answer to the SOB on every single phone bill. Never mind that my MIL IS a snoop (I caught her red-handed once going through our bank statement).
Back to the OP. Your fiancee is correct. You are creating your own family here, a fact that she seems to get. Just suck it up. In the great scheme of things, it's very little money and could avoid troubles down the road.
Last edited by MinivanDriver; 02-21-2018 at 02:45 PM..
Isn't there usually one primary account holder who has access to call info, etc? It's not a given that mom and sis are viewing their info, is it?
Yep. I think our cell phones are in my name, and DH only has access because I gave him all the passwords.
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Well, I will give you an immediate scenario where it's not even about snooping in the phone records.
Let's say the new wife wants an iPhone X. Not my choice, but some people actually would buy one.
Suddenly, the entire family would be privy to the decision. Not husband and wife, but the mother-in-law, too. And even if the wife is paying for it, the mother-in-law is being brought into the decision in at least a tangential way. She gets to see the phone bill and knows what it costs.
If the MIL is a buttinsky, I can hear it now: "You know, Sheila and Jack are kind of struggling right now. But Sheila thinks buying an expensive mobile phone is more important than paying off their credit card bills..." I mean, it doesn't take much imagination to see how scenarios like that unfold. And God help you if the SIL is using too much data with her fifteen zillion Snapchat posts a day.
What's more, we don't know enough about the mother's behavior to know why autonomy has become so important to the OP's intended. Maybe the fiancee has solid reasons for not inviting her future MIL into her financial life.
Heck, my FIL tells everyone he can possibly can about how stupid smartphones are and how he pays $15 a month for his flip phone that he, more often than not, forgets to charge. Meanwhile, I use my iPhone every day in ways completely unrelated to calling people. I travel all the time and need to have what is, in effect, a portable computer to do everything from make calls, send e-mails, take photographs, make hotel reservations, change flight info, choose a route to my destination, etc. etc. etc.
So if we were on the same plan with my FIL, I would be having to answer to the SOB on every single phone bill.
Back to the OP. Your fiancee is correct. You are creating your own family here, a fact that she seems to get. Just suck it up. In the great scheme of things, it's very little money and could avoid troubles down the road.
Sure. If the op came back and said, "She doesn't want to share the plan because my family is a pack of judgmental, intrusive buttinskis," then I totally agree with you. Then the phone plan is the least of the issues and they should distance themselves from the family as much as possible in every way.
But like it's been mentioned, the op was willing to take over the whole account (which can in essence leave the other plan members in the dark regarding activity). My wife does our bill, and I have no idea about anything related to our phone plan.
I guess you are coming from the point of view of having a family of psychos and I am coming from the point of view of not having a family of psychos and neither of us are saying anything relevant because we don't know what the truth is in this particular circumstance.
Sure. If the op came back and said, "She doesn't want to share the plan because my family is a pack of judgmental, intrusive buttinskis," then I totally agree with you. Then the phone plan is the least of the issues and they should distance themselves from the family as much as possible in every way.
But like it's been mentioned, the op was willing to take over the whole account (which can in essence leave the other plan members in the dark regarding activity). My wife does our bill, and I have no idea about anything related to our phone plan.
I guess you are coming from the point of view of having a family of psychos and I am coming from the point of view of not having a family of psychos and neither of us are saying anything relevant because we don't know what the truth is in this particular circumstance.
And this is absolute truth.
My frame of reference is my in-laws who have zero respect for privacy. Before this thread came up, I had forgotten the time my brother-in-law needed me to fill out a questionnaire provided by the Catholic church for his annulment. Because it was supposed to be personal and confidential, I brought it to him in a sealed envelope. He laid it on the kitchen counter where my father-in-law, despite it being labeled PERSONAL AND CONFIDENTIAL in big capital letters, proceeded to open and read my responses. Good thing that I didn't call him an arrogant, domineering SOB in my responses. Not only are they the cheapest people alive, but they would weigh in on every expense we make.
So perhaps the fiancee has some privacy needs (Which should be respected) or the mother has some problems with boundaries (Which will need to be stopped). Either way, the OP really doesn't want to be in a tug-of-war between his wife and his mother.
Last edited by MinivanDriver; 02-21-2018 at 03:00 PM..
i'm with her. I'm as frugal as the next guy, but quit being a cheapskate and cut the apron strings already.
There is absolutely no way i'd enter into that arrangement with my in-laws. My fil is not only notoriously cheap, but he likes to get into the middle of everyone else's business. The last thing i'd freaking want is to have him poring over my phone charges. He's a big enough a-hole already.
To clarify, my mom does not read her bill today. She really is too confused and/or lacking any desire to do so because I actually send out an email to my mom and sister to tell them what they owe for the month. The process as it exists today is that I read the bill, put the amounts into an excel doc and email them to my mom and sister, that is if the bill is significantly different any way.
My mom isn't a psycho who will care who is talking to whom nor will anybody have any say in what phone I get or she gets, etc. To my knowledge there are no concerns in regards to privacy and if there are she didn't express that to me at all.
Her only argument for getting our own plan is for the principal of being a family.
Some other posters are suggesting that I am fighting her on this. I'm not. I came to CD to get others opinions on the matter and it seems people are very much divided as are her and I. I just think it's silly to spend that kind of extra money for "the principal of it"... and I obviously wouldn't hesitate if it was apples to apples on cost. In no way am I holding onto the "cord", unless by chord you mean an extra $60 a month.
With that being said, I will probably bring up some of these points to her in case that is what she is concerned about. More as a discussion to see if perhaps she does have hidden concerns regarding her privacy, etc. If she still truly feels we need to have our own plan, then so be it.
To clarify, my mom does not read her bill today. She really is too confused and/or lacking any desire to do so because I actually send out an email to my mom and sister to tell them what they owe for the month. The process as it exists today is that I read the bill, put the amounts into an excel doc and email them to my mom and sister, that is if the bill is significantly different any way.
My mom isn't a psycho who will care who is talking to whom nor will anybody have any say in what phone I get or she gets, etc. To my knowledge there are no concerns in regards to privacy and if there are she didn't express that to me at all.
Her only argument for getting our own plan is for the principal of being a family.
Some other posters are suggesting that I am fighting her on this. I'm not. I came to CD to get others opinions on the matter and it seems people are very much divided as are her and I. I just think it's silly to spend that kind of extra money for "the principal of it"...
With that being said, I will probably bring up some of these points to her in case that is what she is concerned about. More as a discussion to see if perhaps she does have hidden concerns regarding her privacy, etc. If she still truly feels we need to have our own plan, then so be it.
Okay. Then remember this: If it's important to her, it better important to you.
There are red flags all over this one. Your future wife intends to show you that she is the boss so she's ordering you to do something completely irrational and demands that you obey. Get out while you can. Be thankful that you found out in time. No rational person prefers a higher price for the same product or service. Marrying her would be madness.
There are red flags all over this one. Your future wife intends to show you that she is the boss so she's ordering you to do something completely irrational and demands that you obey. Get out while you can. Be thankful that you found out in time. No rational person prefers a higher price for the same product or service. Marrying her would be madness.
I don't think wanting her finances not intertwined with her mother-in-law's is irrational at all.
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