Why is it so hard to have romantic relationships without DRAMA? (man, sex)
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That's the crap I'm talking about. Trying to start drama by insulting me or putting me down when its not necessary at all. This is the stuff I have no time for.
I think you're the one who isn't seeing that you instigated the drama by posting a deliberately vague, button-pushing question, then continued it by inserting odd parameters for it, then said "Whaaaaaaaaat? I never meant THAT...I just meant fighting..." after you were assured of having pushed plenty of buttons.
You are skilled at initiating drama, fanning the flames to increase it, and making sure it keeps going.
You can't see this? You can't see your part? This particular "drama," indeed, this actual post didn't even exist until you went out of your way to create it. Are you able to see that?
That could be worth investigating if you legitimately don't like drama, but given the above you must be getting something out of it. That's fine, but then don't blame everyone else. Own it. You need drama. If none exists - i.e. if you don't currently have a relationship to create drama in - you'll go on a message board to drum some up. Realize that about yourself, and make a decision: is it worth the pain? If so, then it is. If not, then YOU need to change. Good luck with whatever you decide.
That's the crap I'm talking about. Trying to start drama by insulting me or putting me down when its not necessary at all. This is the stuff I have no time for.
I mean if you gave specific situational examples...people wouldn't assume stuff like this. The definition of drama is different for everybody. People asked you several times to clarify and you still spoke in vague terms. And when people still didn't get it, you got defensive as if WE'RE the ones with the problem. We're not mind readers.
From your previous posts you tend to get defensive and resort to passive aggressiveness very quickly, IMO. You need to relax. If you're talking about a specific situation, then you need to say it. That way there is no room for any confusion. If you want a genuine discussion with people, you need to be clear and concise.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Auraliea
I mean if you gave specific situational examples...people wouldn't assume stuff like this. The definition of drama is different for everybody. People asked you several times to clarify and you still spoke in vague terms. And when people still didn't get it, you got defensive as if WE'RE the ones with the problem. We're not mind readers.
From your previous posts you tend to get defensive and resort to passive aggressiveness very quickly, IMO. You need to relax. If you're talking about a specific situation, then you need to say it. That way there is no room for any confusion. If you want a genuine discussion with people, you need to be clear and concise.
I think you're the one who isn't seeing that you instigated the drama by posting a deliberately vague, button-pushing question, then continued it by inserting odd parameters for it, then said "Whaaaaaaaaat? I never meant THAT...I just meant fighting..." after you were assured of having pushed plenty of buttons.
You are skilled at initiating drama, fanning the flames to increase it, and making sure it keeps going.
You can't see this? You can't see your part? This particular "drama," indeed, this actual post didn't even exist until you went out of your way to create it. Are you able to see that?
That could be worth investigating if you legitimately don't like drama, but given the above you must be getting something out of it. That's fine, but then don't blame everyone else. Own it. You need drama. If none exists - i.e. if you don't currently have a relationship to create drama in - you'll go on a message board to drum some up. Realize that about yourself, and make a decision: is it worth the pain? If so, then it is. If not, then YOU need to change. Good luck with whatever you decide.
Yep. The ones who complain about drama are typically the ones who nurture it. Otherwise, they would simply walk away from it.
There are times I feel like the people who claim to hate drama really just hate being held accountable for the cruddy way they treat their partner. Being called out for bad behavior is in their mind "drama", not their partner being righteously angry at poor treatment. Because if it's just "drama", they don't have to fix or change anything.
There are times I feel like the people who claim to hate drama really just hate being held accountable for the cruddy way they treat their partner. Being called out for bad behavior is in their mind "drama", not their partner being righteously angry at poor treatment. Because if it's just "drama", they don't have to fix or change anything.
Sometimes yes. This here could be a good example. Also, if a person is having the same problems repeat in numerous attempted relationships...they are the common denominator and should examine what they are doing.
Reading this, I am just reminded of all the articles about narcissists and abusive partners who do the gaslighting and crazymaking behavior, push all the buttons and do unkind things to provoke a reaction, and when the partner finally reacts, they accuse them of being crazy, emotional, or dramatic. It's part of a common abuse pattern.
I think that it's important to ask what someone means when they say that they don't like drama. If they are being too accusatory and saying that they're constantly dealing with it...I'd wonder if they're the root cause. Me...I don't really deal in drama, at least not in my own home. When I say that, I mean that I have no tolerance for lack of self control, explosive temper tantrums or emotional volatility that is out of all proportion to reality. I'm a pretty even keeled and almost always very calm person, and I want that kind of energy in my home. If a partner yells and throws things, I will be thinking about leaving them. Likewise the ongoing trainwrecks of drug addicts, or people who just constantly generate crisis. I keep them at a certain distance. I might have a beloved friend or relative who is like that, but they won't be hanging out at my house or bunking on my couch because they are temporarily homeless or anything like that, because my home is my drama-free sanctuary. Keep that ish away from me.
But on a milder note, I am an extrovert, and my introvert partner and I talked last night about some of our friends...I find out things he never knew about them, because I interact more deeply (outside of our home!) with people...and so I know who now hates or is sleeping with whom, etc. He said he was glad he didn't have to keep track of all that. And yeah, to some extent, that's all drama, but like I said before, I take it like a soap opera on TV, I only engage with it to a point.
Reading this, I am just reminded of all the articles about narcissists and abusive partners who do the gaslighting and crazymaking behavior, push all the buttons and do unkind things to provoke a reaction, and when the partner finally reacts, they accuse them of being crazy, emotional, or dramatic. It's part of a common abuse pattern.
I am all too familiar with the crazymaking, having spent far too long with an narc ex. Yes, he did learn how to push all my buttons, and I am not proud of how I reacted at times. But these days, I'm pretty calm and drama-free because I have an SO who tries NOT to push my buttons. It's amazing how different a person I am when I'm in a healthy relationship and appreciate the difference.
No drama in my relationship. Sure we have fights sometimes, but who doesn't? I can't say there's never been a time where one of us overreacted - maybe we were having a bad day and took something the other said wrong, but it doesn't happen often. And even when we fight we don't withhold sex or give the other the silent treatment. We work it out and move on. It is not hard for us to avoid drama at all. We love and respect each other.
Drama is natural for the young folks or those below 30. As part of growing up, it is only natural to have better perspective on life, something that just go along with experience accumulated through years.
Having said that, people still dramatic after 35 have a problem in the mind. LOL. It's like those people who complain at work or with government. It's normal when you are young but becomes whiney as you age. I say grow up guys, only you can impact the course of your life, the rest will be fringe benefits.
Yep. The ones who complain about drama are typically the ones who nurture it. Otherwise, they would simply walk away from it.
Would you say the same to an assault victim?
Tell women who were victims of sexual assault that they brought it on themselves. That's basically the argument you are making.
ABSURD.
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Good luck with whatever you decide.
