Quote:
Originally Posted by Chriz Brown
Would you say the same to an assault victim?
Tell women who were victims of sexual assault that they brought it on themselves. That's basically the argument you are making.
ABSURD.
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Actually, if I were in one, let's say for example, verbally abusive relationship, and I left and my next SO was verbally abusive, then I got into a third relationship, and this person was verbally abusive, at that point I definitely would being to wonder: why does this keep happening to me? With "to me" being key, there.
I'd probably look first to see if it were the people I was choosing/gravitating to. That's just one possibility that isn't really "oh, s/he deserved it" but rather...sometimes we don't realize that we are choosing options that we've seen before will hurt us, yet we feel compelled. There can be a lot of reasons for this. It's complex so I won't go into that but you can easily investigate this yourself. Pretty common topic, really. It is important to note that
this never means you DESERVE to be harmed and should stay. If you are ever in an abusive situation, WALK AWAY. Get out. Full stop. That part is important.
Now. ONE time? Getting assaulted? Obviously, no, I wouldn't think "how did I bring this on myself?" unless I were wandering naked through a crackhouse with blunts hanging around my neck or something. Anybody can get into one bad situation. Or two.
But when it is
a pattern, or in the case of this thread, when apparently
literally all of your relationships have been prohibitively dramatic in controlling/hurtful ways (like witholding sex and silent treatment and all that), I'm sorry, yes. You do need to wonder, "Am I playing a part in this?" even if it's just in the people you're choosing, or perhaps in carelessness in choosing. Choosing for the wrong reasons. Possibilities like that.