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Old 03-07-2018, 09:07 PM
 
30,907 posts, read 32,837,689 times
Reputation: 26919

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Chriz Brown View Post
Would you say the same to an assault victim?

Tell women who were victims of sexual assault that they brought it on themselves. That's basically the argument you are making.

ABSURD.
Actually, if I were in one, let's say for example, verbally abusive relationship, and I left and my next SO was verbally abusive, then I got into a third relationship, and this person was verbally abusive, at that point I definitely would being to wonder: why does this keep happening to me? With "to me" being key, there.

I'd probably look first to see if it were the people I was choosing/gravitating to. That's just one possibility that isn't really "oh, s/he deserved it" but rather...sometimes we don't realize that we are choosing options that we've seen before will hurt us, yet we feel compelled. There can be a lot of reasons for this. It's complex so I won't go into that but you can easily investigate this yourself. Pretty common topic, really. It is important to note that this never means you DESERVE to be harmed and should stay. If you are ever in an abusive situation, WALK AWAY. Get out. Full stop. That part is important.

Now. ONE time? Getting assaulted? Obviously, no, I wouldn't think "how did I bring this on myself?" unless I were wandering naked through a crackhouse with blunts hanging around my neck or something. Anybody can get into one bad situation. Or two.

But when it is a pattern, or in the case of this thread, when apparently literally all of your relationships have been prohibitively dramatic in controlling/hurtful ways (like witholding sex and silent treatment and all that), I'm sorry, yes. You do need to wonder, "Am I playing a part in this?" even if it's just in the people you're choosing, or perhaps in carelessness in choosing. Choosing for the wrong reasons. Possibilities like that.
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Old 03-07-2018, 09:09 PM
 
Location: Canada
11,755 posts, read 11,941,930 times
Reputation: 30130
Quote:
Originally Posted by Chriz Brown View Post
Would you say the same to an assault victim?

Tell women who were victims of sexual assault that they brought it on themselves. That's basically the argument you are making.

ABSURD.
Well gee, that response wasn't at all dramatic...
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Old 03-08-2018, 09:48 AM
 
Location: Phoenix, AZ
20,210 posts, read 14,434,494 times
Reputation: 39047
Quote:
Originally Posted by Liberty2011 View Post
Well gee, that response wasn't at all dramatic...
Seriously. You could present that straw man with the Emmy for Best Outstanding Lead Actor in a Drama.

@OP
Man, the way you have already shown that you use women and treat them, per the one example we've had, you play games and keep your motives hidden...it's like punching somebody and then when they cry, yelling at them for being dramatic and turning on the waterworks. If your relationship behavior makes people feel bad, don't be surprised when they express to you, that they're feeling bad. You got plenty of feedback in that situation as to how she was likely to feel about things, and you went ahead anyhow, got sex from her, and then tried to shake her off. Everyone said you were courting drama, you knew it, and you didn't care. Want to complain now? Cry. Me. A. River.

That is in no way any sort of parallel to victim blaming in a sexual assault.

You want non dramatic relationships with women? Start being honest and engage in relationships in good faith, not playing people to get what you want. Gonna keep moving through the world thinking you're Mr. Slick trying to con women who want love into just giving you sex? You're gonna keep right on swimming in drama, and if that's the worst of your problems since you're rolling the sexual health and pregnancy dice every time you do it, then count yourself lucky.
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