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When it comes to regular friendships, I find drama is either non-existent or very rare.
However, with women I find drama is more common, starts easier and is harder to resolve.
I think one of the main reasons I'm still single in my mid-30's is my low tolerance for drama. I find it to be unhealthy and unnecessary in the majority of cases. I also feel like people I date will sometimes deliberately do things they know will cause drama, conflict or confusion. This leads me to respect them less, which is the beginning of the end right there.
I've only dated a few women where there was mostly no drama. One in particular I really miss and regret not proposing to. Didn't realize how special she was at the time.
I nip it in the bud almost immediately myself. I have no tolerance for games, ******iness, nor being constantly critical. I too am single and middle aged.
Although anyone can have the occasional one-off as regards to falling into something with a crazy S.O., I feel like when it's a pattern, you may need to look at your part in it.
JMO. I'm not victim-blaming or anything. But seriously, if MOST of one's relationships wind up full of cray, I don't know. Personally I'd be looking into other possibilities...that's just me.
Although anyone can have the occasional one-off as regards to falling into something with a crazy S.O., I feel like when it's a pattern, you may need to look at your part in it.
JMO. I'm not victim-blaming or anything. But seriously, if MOST of one's relationships wind up full of cray, I don't know. Personally I'd be looking into other possibilities...that's just me.
Someone asked a similar question a couple of months ago. Was it you? What your thread title should say, is, "Why is it so hard for me to have romantic relationships without DRAMA?"
OP, do you tend to choose high-maintenance women? Or emotionally unstable women? Look at your history, and see if you can discern any patterns. There are plenty of happy, stable women out there. For some reason, you're not choosing them, except rarely.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Define drama? When most people try, it sounds like people don't like dealing with the ups and downs of life.
Relationships without what most people I think consider "drama" is easy, date someone you aren't emotionally invested in and isn't emotionally invested in you.
I am of two minds about this, as there are different definitions of "drama."
Some people always live in crisis mode, and are really demonstrative about all of their emotions, or maybe make poor life choices. They create lots of problems that affect others who are close to them. They always seem to be melting down about something big.
That kind of drama, I don't want to deal with more than occasionally. I have friends who are kind of like that, and family members, and I keep them at a certain distance. I'm usually willing to hear them, but then I'm thankful that their problems aren't really my problems.
Then there is what a lot of people refer to as "drama" which is the simple result of multiple human beings interacting in invested and open ways. A couple of guys who are friends, usually won't be possessive of one another or experience jealousies, funny how if a guy feels that way he doesn't figure that is drama, but I kinda think it is. Hm. Guy friends don't have much expectation of sharing about feelings or being really vulnerable much of the time. In a relationship, there is a lot more of that squishy, inner stuff that gets shared and we have needs of our partners for validation and support.
It is not even remotely just women who do. Some PEOPLE need more, more affirmation, more reassurance, more contact, just...more. More emotional labor. That isn't really a gendered thing. If anything, I've seen men be very needy of it in relationships with women. As it's often said, they typically aren't getting it anywhere else. And of course a person's history will affect what they need, tremendously.
And being vulnerable is scary. You're giving another person the power to really hurt you. Sometimes those feels are gonna flare up, and the last thing anyone wants is an aloof partner who rolls his eyes and mutters, "here we go, drama."
And if you don't give your partner what they need, emotionally, then they're going to feel hurt and rejected by you. Get upset. Maybe leave. Then you get MORE drama. When likely the right words, or time, or touch, the right little display of affection, the right little thing that tells them, "You are safe with me" could have prevented it entirely.
So if this second view of "drama" is what you mean, if it seems like such a hassle to deal with the feelings of another person, maybe you're just not very good at being in a relationship, or maybe you've dated women you didn't have strong enough feelings for, that you wanted to deeply connect and be real for them and there for them.
Need more info on the type of drama you’re talking about.
Is it, she’s always looking to argue and fight with you over the smallest thing? Is she jealous? Is she quick-tempered? She doesn’t trust you for whatever reason?
Or is it that she experiences problems in life and is looking for support from you as her boyfriend? Examples, like issues at work, family drama, a friend who backstabbed her?
If it’s the first, you need to think about why you’re choosing the women you’re choosing. They may seem bold and exciting at first, but cray-cray gets old real quick... and depending on the level of cray, it can be hazardous to your health. Take a self-assessment there.
If it’s the second, then you want to reconsider being in a relationship at all. Life happens to all of us. Part of being a significant other is being supportive of the one you’re with through their not so good times. If you are looking for trouble-free relationships, then that needs to be defined up front so the expectation is already set. You’ll most likely NOT be in a relationship if you don’t want to be supportive, a listener, and have her back. But if that’s what you want, it’s what you want.
Drama is easy to put a stop to, just be prepared for those who cause it to not go down without trying to cause even more.
Don’t give them power and they won’t be able to take it.
You should never have to compromise who you are for someone else.
state your intentions and why you hold the beliefs you do and stick to them.
You may be able to find compromise though other means, but never change your core values just to appease someone for a moment in time.
I can’t answer why you seem to find yourself in the midst of drama all the time.
Relationships naturally leave us vunrable, and in that open us to the things we fear. A lot of “drama” is born out of self preservation and protection
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