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You know what? Life is risky, but you can minimize the risks. Or, you could just go through life alone and scared of being hurt, missing out on some of its greatest joys. If I had never married, I never would have experienced and felt so many amazing things.
Marriage is a "greatest joy" only for women. For men, marriage is a "greatest" job. You have to be on alert and watching your back at all times. You must leave the toilet seat down, memorize your anniversary, not leave dishes in the sink, not leave dirty clothes on the floor, be home on time on the dot, figure out why she's angry because she sure as hell won't tell you, etc. If you overlook any of these, you will screamed at and accused of "not loving" her. You must completely forgo all personal joys you once had, and engage only in "wholesome couple things" you wife approves of. And last but not least, you must endure the dreaded "honey, we need to talk" right in the middle of your baseball game.
Don't get me wrong. I know many women on a platonic basis, and they're pretty cool. I just know better than to drink the marriage Kool-Aid, which everyone my age is gulping by the bucketfuls.
Don't get me wrong. I know many women on a platonic basis, and they're pretty cool. I just know better than to drink the marriage Kool-Aid, which everyone my age is gulping by the bucketfuls.
But you don't actually like or respect your female friends if you truly believe that deep down they are controlling, nagging harpies who want to ruin a man's life if he gets too close. I'm sorry that your upbringing screwed you up so much that you can't even imagine a loving, supportive relationship that both partners enjoy being a part of, even if that's not what you choose for yourself.
But unfortunately , l do see other forms of marriage in men l don't envy one bit also in one way or another, as well as that one now and then too but in many other ways l often just thank God it's not me stuck like that , or that l have to sleep with her .
But when l see a good marriage , that l do envy. We had a great marriage for a long time , it should've been forever , but unfortunately shyt happens sometimes.
l'd still be interested in remarrying , but only in the better examples l know of and see and lived myself.
Then l think marriage can be a nice way to live and a nice life. But it's the only type l'd consider again.
But you don't actually like or respect your female friends if you truly believe that deep down they are controlling, nagging harpies who want to ruin a man's life if he gets too close. I'm sorry that your upbringing screwed you up so much that you can't even imagine a loving, supportive relationship that both partners enjoy being a part of, even if that's not what you choose for yourself.
Don't get me wrong: I do respect them. And they respect me. But platonic friendship and binding marriage are two vastly different animals.
Quote:
Originally Posted by hawk101
But when l see a good marriage , that l do envy. We had a great marriage for a long time , it should've been forever , but unfortunately shyt happens sometimes.
You brought up a nice point. I do see decent examples of marriage among people 65 and older. They were born and raised in the 1950's, the golden age of the American family. So their values formed before the family unit got undermined in later years, leading to a lasting marriage. Especially considering how in the 50's, a couple wasn't required to be joined at the hip 24/7/365. They could get a break from each other, in places that weren't work: he could drink beers and talk shop at his Elks Lodge, and she could exchange advice and relax with her knitting circle.
Don't get me wrong: I do respect them. And they respect me. But friendship and marriage are two vastly different animals.
But do you believe that these women that you are friends with want nothing more than to trap a man in a relationship and control his life? You say that's inevitable. You insist that's how women are. One can't truly respect people one believes are sociopaths.
I have been married for as many years as I was single- 33. So far, being married is far better. I enjoyed singlehood, but tended to party much more back then. I’m sure I would’ve slown down without her, but she has made life much simpler/easier than it would have been. I am ready for the slower pace now that I’m in my sixties. We have 3 kids, the youngest is 27. Makes things all worthwhile. My son is 31 and claims he will never marry. I tell him that’s fine but don’t lock yourself into that just yet. Ya never know what (or who) may be around the corner, it may surprise you.
My husband (of three months) I knew as a friend and neighbor for 37 years before he popped the question. He had never been married, age 67, and a cowboy to boot. They always shy away from the double harness.
He says he has married his best friend. He is very intelligent, creative and kind to everybody. He is gallant and chivalrous and treats me like a lady. Women and men are different. Vive la Differance!
Last edited by BlackberryMerlot; 03-03-2018 at 11:24 AM..
My husband (of three months) I knew as a friend and neighbor for 37 years before he popped the question. He had never been married, age 67, and a cowboy to boot. They always shy away from the double harness.
This is the one marriage I can get behind. I can even imagine myself setting down after age 60. By then, I'll mellow out enough to no longer crave the freedom and the active social life I crave now. In which case, the marriage "harness" won't take away as much from me as it would today. It'll also be comforting to have someone to call 911 if something happens to me at home. I'm just not sure if I'll meet a woman who will wait 37 years, rather than marry a more willing taker earlier. Unless of course, she's childfree like me, which ups the odds a little.
One of my goals is to travel and see the world, to move around from city to city and country to country without knowing where I'll be from one year to the next or settling anywhere until I'm about ready to retire.
I don't think it's fair to expect a partner to drop everything and follow me as I pursue my goals. Some may consider it immature to put adventure and experience before stability, or to prefer living out of a suitcase over an approximation or ideal of domestic bliss, but you only get one shot at life and if I see an opportunity I want to be free to take it.
My husband and I have some history. We met riding horses across his hayfield 38 years ago. I was trespassing. I can see the spot from this window where we met. He rode out on a black horse and said Hi What are you doing? I said I'm riding my horse what does it look like? He said, well, you are on my ranch. I said This is not your ranch! Thinking I was on state park property (also illegal) He said Yes it is, No its not, yes it is, no its not. So he said OK then, lifting his hat, Be careful and rode off.
In 2010 I was seriously, SERIOUSLY injured, hauled away by helicopter and put in ICU. He took care of me for months, as a friend, when I got out of the hospital. Then in 2011 there was a huge forest fire. My place burned up the night before and the next day I was at his ranch because that's where my horses were evacuated. The fire came over the mountain, flames 80' above the tops of the trees and running on a 40 mph wind. He said Maybe you should get out of here. I said Jerry, I will never leave you! This was our marriage by fire. After that we lived together in a ranch building because it was the only building that remained standing. For the last 8 years we have lived together.
After the forest fire I went off and bought some land in a heavily forested mountainous state. Every summer I go there by myself and work on it. He doesn't expect me to drop everything and not follow my dreams. He helps me do this by taking care of my animals and pets while I'm gone. Its not a double harness, its two single harnesses going together.
Last edited by BlackberryMerlot; 03-03-2018 at 12:09 PM..
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