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If you have to say, think, make decisions based on telling yourself that you are at some league or level.. got news for you... you are not. The people around you and the people that gravitate towards you (or those that flee..lol) determine what league or level you are at.
Similarly....
If you have to say that you are smart, you are NOT. You are smart because people come to you for solutions or answers.
I read a study a few years ago that might help you. This study tracked data of a popular match site. First, they had women rate men on scale (say 1-10) and vice versa. It turns out that men always tried to match with women above their scale and women tried to match with men equal to their scale.
Moral of the story? Men tended to see themselves above what their actual scale was.
Exactly. That's what happens when men en mass are told that as long as they have that magical confidence, they can successfully win over somebody higher on the scale. As well as taking the "cast a wide net" advice.
I read a study a few years ago that might help you. This study tracked data of a popular match site. First, they had women rate men on scale (say 1-10) and vice versa. It turns out that men always tried to match with women above their scale and women tried to match with men equal to their scale.
Moral of the story? Men tended to see themselves above what their actual scale was.
The study you are referring to is rooted in the fact that men in general agree or have a consensus on what is or is not attractive physically. Meanwhile, women will have preferences but will disagree with each other just how attractive the subject is.
So on a scale, men will tend to rate subject's photos either high or low while women's rates of the subject's photos on a more sliding scale in the middle. Men will say either "yah or nay". Women will say kinda less attractive or kinda more attractive.
This type of study has been done dozens on of times by groups to learn about the differences of male vs female attraction.
Unfortunately, many other groups will pull from these studies and draw conclusions that are usually inaccurate. To conclude from that men tend to see themselves as above their own scale is not exactly what these studies show...
Showing a bunch of photos and such to an individual (men or women) is not necessarily a measure of their own rating but rather the rating of the individual in the photograph. If the photos are comprised of mostly high profile models and attractive celebs, the men will all closely rate at the top of the scale letsay 9-10 while women will also rate highly but they'll have a more of a spread of letsay 6-9. Its not that men rank themselves highly its just that their ratings will group more tightly than women.
Understand that rating photographs is an act rating on pure physical attributes. Men are driven more by physical attributes. Duh!
Of course when you have conclusions like this made, you'll get a bunch of women throwing high fives at each other.... as if they've won for the team. Same type of behavior when studies show that woman tend to gravitate towards men as providers (financial stability) and marry upwards on the social ladder..... again... as if they've won one for the team.
The women I know understand this difference about men and leverage it.... they know that men rate more on physical attributes. They don't see as a bad thing.. but a natural thing and always look for ways to leverage it. Just like certain men know what women are looking for and look for ways to improve/leverage it.
I'd like to see a study that tries to take into account the differences of the genders when it comes to rating attractiveness. Since men focus more on physical attributes, show a bunch of photos and rate them. Since women are not as focused on physical attributes, give a worded description of the person's life/personality/etc.. and rate them. I wonder if you get more of a consensus grouping of the ratings from the female group like you would with the male group.
Stop trying so hard. Finding a relationship isn't like buying a can of green beans at the store. What are you doing? Bars? Dating websites? Have you tried signing up on Meetup.com and finding singles groups or groups that are about an interest of yours? Like maybe you are into hiking, so join a hiking meetup group. You might meet a person in the meetup group who "has a friend" and meetup becomes a "fixup". Singles group, if nothing else you get out of the house and go play some coed volleyball or go to dinner or a bar as a group. 300 million people in this country. There is one out there for you. They usually show up when you aren't looking.
You are putting too much emphasis on physical (superficial) compatibility. Two people don't have to be a similar level of physical attractiveness to be compatible and attracted to each other or even in love with each other. The best kind of love is where you love the person for who they are inside anyway, since looks fade over time.
When I was young I was considered very attractive and I didn't always date guys who were the same attractiveness as me. I even fell in love once with a guy who was quite a bit less attractive than me. It wasn't his looks that made me fall in love with him. It was his personality and how much fun I had when I was with him.
I know you are a guy and guys tend to be all about looks, but try to approach women as people instead of things valued for their appearance and open yourself up to women who are more and less attractive than you.
Not really. There are plenty of women out there are way above my head that I realistically dont have a real chance with. And thats ok.
FALSE. If I thought like you, I would have NEVER found my wife. She has a PHD and I'm a truck driver. There is no such thing as a "league" when it comes to love. The love of your life could be a janitor or a CEO. People are people; looks and social status are not good ways to predict who will attract each other.
Last edited by urbancharlotte; 03-06-2018 at 05:26 AM..
I read a study a few years ago that might help you. This study tracked data of a popular match site. First, they had women rate men on scale (say 1-10) and vice versa. It turns out that men always tried to match with women above their scale and women tried to match with men equal to their scale.
Moral of the story? Men tended to see themselves above what their actual scale was.
That doesn't necessarily mean men overrate their own league it just means men like attractive women and figure why not give it a shot?
I've noticed a lot of women seem to be more of a slave to the league thing where they look at someone being better looking as being superior to where somebody less attractive has no right even approaching someone more attractive then themselves..it speaks to the vanity of women.
Obviously a normal or obese guy isn't getting a supermodel but most people walking around aren't 1's or 2's or 10's.
That doesn't necessarily mean men overrate their own league it just means men like attractive women and figure why not give it a shot?
I've noticed a lot of women seem to be more of a slave to the league thing where they look at someone being better looking as being superior to where somebody less attractive has no right even approaching someone more attractive then themselves..it speaks to the vanity of women.
Obviously a normal or obese guy isn't getting a supermodel but most people walking around aren't 1's or 2's or 10's.
I doubt it. I never think to myself that I’m not interested in someone because they aren’t in my “league.” If I’m not interested then it doesn’t matter what “league” they’re in.
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