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Old 03-12-2018, 09:30 AM
 
1,178 posts, read 682,324 times
Reputation: 1187

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Quote:
Originally Posted by BirdieBelle View Post
They still sat at a table together for an hour. At least if they had ordered a meal they would have had something else to talk about .

I don't see the big deal about all the guys objecting to a coffee date. Some people apparently attach a lot of romantic significance to a meal, so "coffee" is a less intimate way for total strangers to meet up and see how things go in person. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

I'm still not really clear on the OP's description of how he acted disinterested the minute he saw her. How do you know he was not interested, OP? Maybe he was nervous? Then you say he kept trying to "awkwardly" continue the conversation. It doesn't really match up.
It is usually evident. I have had this happen. I could tell before the date as soon as he saw me he wasn’t interested. Body language.

Just the way it goes sometimes.

 
Old 03-12-2018, 10:16 AM
 
Location: Ohio
24,623 posts, read 19,068,157 times
Reputation: 21733
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dingo111 View Post
So I went on a coffee date with someone I met online. He acted so disinterested the moment he saw me. We got coffee and sat down, he barely talked. I thought it would be so awkward to just leave, so I managed to find some topics to talk about for an hour and we went on our separate ways.

I still can't get over the embarrassment this whole event brought me. Was the guy being rude? Should I have just left? To me, it's ok if you're not interested, but if you ask someone out and that person disappoints you look wise( got to be looks since it's our first time meeting) at least be friendly..
Why be embarrassed? You didn't necessarily do anything wrong. No, the guy wasn't being rude, he just wasn't into you. So it didn't work out. No big deal.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Warszawa View Post
Had a similar experience, went on a date with someone who seemed cool by texting, but when we got together we had nothing in common. We just ate and then went home our separate ways
That's the whole purpose of dating.

You two could probably give a lot of people on this forum some pointers.

Quote:
Originally Posted by RJ312 View Post
First meets should never be coffee. Coffee is a terrible first date. Coffee dates are way too neutral and do not allow for the sexual tension to develop, which is a key ingredient to any successful interaction.

Advice to OP:

2. Do not agree to any coffee dates. Drinks at a bar/lounge with nice ambiance should be the majority of your first dates. Any activity-based can be ok too, but less sparingly should be used as a first date.
That's just plain silly, and probably the worst advice ever.

Only a sexual predator would need to create "sexual tension" on the first date.

A first date is simply a "Meet-n-Greet" to get acquainted and establish if there really is a connection.

Coffee dates are the perfect first date, since they're cheap and straight to the point. Either the chemistry is there, or it isn't. The two will either talk for an hour and go their separate ways, or talk for hours and agree to meet again or even meet that night for an event.

A woman going to a bar with someone they've never met or don't know -- which means they couldn't possibly place 100% of their trust in them -- is a good way to end up dead or date raped.
 
Old 03-12-2018, 02:08 PM
 
19 posts, read 10,072 times
Reputation: 20
Quote:
Originally Posted by DonaldJTrump View Post
You need to beat him to the punch

Email him and let him know you are not interested or attracted to him and so you will not continue in meeting him in the future
Why do I need to do that while he's already shown disinterest...
 
Old 03-12-2018, 02:09 PM
 
19 posts, read 10,072 times
Reputation: 20
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mircea View Post
Why be embarrassed? You didn't necessarily do anything wrong. No, the guy wasn't being rude, he just wasn't into you. So it didn't work out. No big deal.



That's the whole purpose of dating.

You two could probably give a lot of people on this forum some pointers.



That's just plain silly, and probably the worst advice ever.

Only a sexual predator would need to create "sexual tension" on the first date.

A first date is simply a "Meet-n-Greet" to get acquainted and establish if there really is a connection.

Coffee dates are the perfect first date, since they're cheap and straight to the point. Either the chemistry is there, or it isn't. The two will either talk for an hour and go their separate ways, or talk for hours and agree to meet again or even meet that night for an event.

A woman going to a bar with someone they've never met or don't know -- which means they couldn't possibly place 100% of their trust in them -- is a good way to end up dead or date raped.
I thought so too..
 
Old 03-12-2018, 02:12 PM
 
19 posts, read 10,072 times
Reputation: 20
Quote:
Originally Posted by BirdieBelle View Post
They still sat at a table together for an hour. At least if they had ordered a meal they would have had something else to talk about .

I don't see the big deal about all the guys objecting to a coffee date. Some people apparently attach a lot of romantic significance to a meal, so "coffee" is a less intimate way for total strangers to meet up and see how things go in person. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

I'm still not really clear on the OP's description of how he acted disinterested the minute he saw her. How do you know he was not interested, OP? Maybe he was nervous? Then you say he kept trying to "awkwardly" continue the conversation. It doesn't really match up.
He just seem to be standoffish and quite.. after we sat down, he just sat there quietly and not utter a word... it was so uncomfortable I didn't know what to do.. and he's an engineer that got phd from a prestigious university and into outdoors so it's not like he's dumb or anything..and in his profile he described himself as "easy-going"
 
Old 03-12-2018, 02:15 PM
 
Location: Both coasts
1,574 posts, read 5,096,527 times
Reputation: 1520
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dingo111 View Post
He just seem to be standoffish and quite.. after we sat down, he just sat there quietly and not utter a word... it was so uncomfortable I didn't know what to do.. and he's an engineer and into outdoors so it's not like he's dumb or anything..
Is he good looking? Like what you expected from the pics he sent, or better?

Is that why you are disappointed in how things unfolded?
 
Old 03-12-2018, 02:24 PM
 
35,508 posts, read 17,749,825 times
Reputation: 50485
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dingo111 View Post
He just seem to be standoffish and quite.. after we sat down, he just sat there quietly and not utter a word... it was so uncomfortable I didn't know what to do.. and he's an engineer that got phd from a prestigious university and into outdoors so it's not like he's dumb or anything..and in his profile he described himself as "easy-going"
Dingo, is it possible you've misread him? I'm married to one of the few outgoing, socially adept engineers I know. Most of them struggle with social awkwardness and shyness.
 
Old 03-12-2018, 02:27 PM
 
19 posts, read 10,072 times
Reputation: 20
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dingo111 View Post
I did... I thought it's the social norm to sit down for that long and I did try not to talk and there's just awkward silence. I was waiting for his cue to finish the meet but he'd try reluctantly to continue the conversation..
Quote:
Originally Posted by f1000 View Post
Is he good looking? Like what you expected from the pics he sent, or better?

Is that why you are disappointed in how things unfolded?
His pictures were decent.. but he's cutter in person ..

I'm not disappointed because he didn't like me, I just felt slightly humiliated that he showed so obviously. I would have been fine if we talked, wrapped up quickly like in half an hour, then never heard from him again. I just can't get over the awkward spot he put me in..
 
Old 03-12-2018, 02:30 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
49,932 posts, read 59,662,538 times
Reputation: 98359
Quote:
Originally Posted by ClaraC View Post
Dingo, is it possible you've misread him? I'm married to one of the few outgoing, socially adept engineers I know. Most of them struggle with social awkwardness and shyness.
That's what I was wondering too.
 
Old 03-12-2018, 02:33 PM
 
30,907 posts, read 32,884,125 times
Reputation: 26919
So he hasn't texted or anything since?
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