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Me and my second wife were friends and co workers for almost 18 months before our first date. Even though our second date was in a cheap hotel room there was that prior friendship that laid the foundation for a family and a 16 year relationship.
Foundations matter.
I think you have all the makings for a country song in that post.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 36,957,550 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by EmilyFoxSeaton
Maybe you should look into an asexual dating site. More likely to find someone who isn't ruled by their ... well you know.
I agree. Keep your standards OLD is known (increasingly) as a hook up site. Even the 'better quality ones".
The asexual site might be a good suggestion.
And it isn't surprising on the second sentence, relationships and marriages have often been formed from things that started as hook ups (if you consider meeting and having sex on a first date a "hook up").
Stop dating right now, you're not ready for any commitment from any man. And stop fantasizing about what you want, and start dealing with men as they are.
Yep. Tell them right up front. Its you and your kid, a package deal, not just a sex thing. That should clear out most of the players. That thing wont heal over if you dont use it .
Good grief. I don't get this forum. There are posts in other threads telling people that it's OK to "do what's right for you," and a lot of sympathetic ears when someone speaks of feeling "uncomfortable" having to be in such and such social situation.
Yet when it comes to whether a woman is ready to allow a man (or another woman as the case may be), who is essentially still a stranger, to stick his dick inside of her body (and possibly impregnate her, or pass on a disease, because condoms and birth control methods aren't 100% foolproof) the claws come out in the majority of responses.
I mean really -- so many of you are making this woman out to be some kind of tease, or not interested, or whatever else, just because she ISN'T READY for THE most intimate of acts one can do with a person.
Don't get me wrong, I was no prude in my single days, had plenty of very "soon" encounters -- but the assertion that one can't possibly be attracted to someone or get into a long-term relationship unless one hops into bed after date #6 or 8 is absurd.
OP, don't feel pressured into doing anything you're not emotionally ready for. This is nonsense.
I think the opposite actually. If a woman doesn't have sex with a guy on the first date or at least within the first few, then she's not passionate enough about him to be good girlfriend material for him. It means she can keep her hands off him. If she can keep her hands off of him then he's not LTR material for her, either.
OR it may mean she's struggling to keep her hands off him, but she's sensible enough to wait, to make sure he's not an axe murderer, or an arrogant or selfish jerk who would be self-centered in bed.
Of course she shouldn't do anything she doesn't want to.
My point is she shouldn't use sex as a bargaining tool for a relationship. If she is set on not having sex until there is something close to love, she should probably work that into one of the beginning conversations.
Just like she has a choice, so do the guys.
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OR it may mean she's struggling to keep her hands off him, but she's sensible enough to wait, to make sure he's not an axe murderer, or an arrogant or selfish jerk who would be self-centered in bed.
She specifically stated she fears that sleeping with him will cause him to go away. She specifically stated that she wants to know the man loves her. Is committed to her. I mean, imaginations can run wild, but this came directly from OP.
OR it may mean she's struggling to keep her hands off him, but she's sensible enough to wait, to make sure he's not an axe murderer, or an arrogant or selfish jerk who would be self-centered in bed.
Oh come on some ax murderers can be real lady killers.
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