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My very new boyfriend asked me if it bothered me that he had a lunch scheduled with an ex from high school. Apparently they lost touch but recently reconnected after many years. At first I said yes, because I might do the same with old boyfriends that I re-connected with, or we ended up as friends, but after thinking about it, it does kind of bother me. Am I over reacting? Would this bother you?
The usual response to these types of questions on this subsection of the forum, is to criticize the person asking the question, to make them feel 'abnormal' for feeling this way.
Not so yours truly. I don't think it's normal or cool at all for a boyfriend/girlfriend to suddenly 'reconnect' with an ex. Like you say, how would your boyfriend feel if you decided to have a private lunch or dinner with an ex.
My very new boyfriend asked me if it bothered me that he had a lunch scheduled with an ex from high school. Apparently they lost touch but recently reconnected after many years. At first I said yes, because I might do the same with old boyfriends that I re-connected with, or we ended up as friends, but after thinking about it, it does kind of bother me. Am I over reacting? Would this bother you?
I hate to say this OP, but if you were not invited to this lunch......They obviously plan on having conversations that neither of them want you to hear. I had a lunch with my son's mother (ex-wife) last year. During that lunch, we discussed our son's plans for high school. My wife was invited by me to the lunch and she gladly accepted the offer. The end result was a wonderful chat with my wife and ex-wife about our child who was about to enter high school.
So here's my opinion. Reconnecting with an ex is cool as long as your current partner is ok with it and is invited into the situation. Private conversations, texts, lunch meetings, etc with an ex is a form of cheating.
My very new boyfriend asked me if it bothered me that he had a lunch scheduled with an ex from high school. Apparently they lost touch but recently reconnected after many years. At first I said yes, because I might do the same with old boyfriends that I re-connected with, or we ended up as friends, but after thinking about it, it does kind of bother me. Am I over reacting? Would this bother you?
If they've both moved on and it's only a friendly lunch to catch up and chat, then no, I wouldn't have a problem with it. However, if there's still lingering feelings on either side, then yes, it would be an issue for me.
I wouldn't be thrilled with it, but there are factors that could make me less uncomfortable.
I'm in my 50s so a HS ex would probably not be seen as a huge threat. A more recent ex would be more troubling.
Being invited along would be nice, but honestly, old HS reminiscing about people I don't know and probably never will could be excruciatingly boring. If it were a weekday lunch where both of them have to get back to work afterwards, that might ease my mind.
Having plans for dinner with him that same night, or otherwise knowing the lunch didn't extend into the evening and beyond.
Is she married or attached? Does she live out of town and going to be out of the picture soon?
But the biggest is the gut feeling of whether you trust the guy or not. I am assuming he wouldn't be your boyfriend if you didn't, but if little things have been cropping up now and then, and this is just adding to suspicions he's not a true blue guy, maybe nothing will ease your mind.
New boyfriend and already wants to spend time with a EX? First red flag already but to make you more comfortable it would be better if you knew her or met her but of course that may be odd anyway, if it was the other way around im sure he would not like you to go see some ex esp when yall are brand new and just starting on building foundation
My very new boyfriend asked me if it bothered me that he had a lunch scheduled with an ex from high school. Apparently they lost touch but recently reconnected after many years. At first I said yes, because I might do the same with old boyfriends that I re-connected with, or we ended up as friends, but after thinking about it, it does kind of bother me. Am I over reacting? Would this bother you?
You'd do the same thing?
What's good for the goose is good for the gander.
You 2 need to find where your loyaties lay. Since you're "new" consider it a part of learning about one another and whether you can trust one another.
I hate to say this OP, but if you were not invited to this lunch......They obviously plan on having conversations that neither of them want you to hear. I had a lunch with my son's mother (ex-wife) last year. During that lunch, we discussed our son's plans for high school. My wife was invited by me to the lunch and she gladly accepted the offer. The end result was a wonderful chat with my wife and ex-wife about our child who was about to enter high school.
So here's my opinion. Reconnecting with an ex is cool as long as your current partner is ok with it and is invited into the situation. Private conversations, texts, lunch meetings, etc with an ex is a form of cheating.
Come on that is not a good comparison as your ex- and current wife both could be part of the conversation.
Imagine an hour or two dinner where the conversation is "Susie Jones just got married for the fourth time! I doubt if that one will last either", "It is funny that our prom theme was 'Enchanted Evening' and that was the same theme held this year, but they had a rap group as the band", "Harry and Joan got a divorce after 30 years of marriage", "John Black just was promoted to partner at a local law firm. Frankly, I had always thought that he would end up in prison", "Remember Mr. Smith, our history teacher? He finally retired and had a huge retirement party at the high school", etc. etc.
Would you invite your current spouse/GF/BF to a dinner like that? Would you want to be invited to a dinner like that?
I hate to say this OP, but if you were not invited to this lunch......They obviously plan on having conversations that neither of them want you to hear. I had a lunch with my son's mother (ex-wife) last year. During that lunch, we discussed our son's plans for high school. My wife was invited by me to the lunch and she gladly accepted the offer. The end result was a wonderful chat with my wife and ex-wife about our child who was about to enter high school.
So here's my opinion. Reconnecting with an ex is cool as long as your current partner is ok with it and is invited into the situation. Private conversations, texts, lunch meetings, etc with an ex is a form of cheating.
Jeez! Crap on a cracker! A private conversation is cheating? The BRAND NEW boyfriend ASKED his BRAND NEW girlfriend if she'd mind. Sounds pretty upfront to me!
I would prepare myself for the very real possibility he will strike up a new relationship with her and break up with you.
This is pretty common - that high school sweethearts reconnect later in life.
Is she also single?
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